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(▀̿ <>▀̿ ̿)■??■••■-■3.4./;'3;4/;'0909128■AC<CESS.S.S. GRANT_T_ED_■&$:?>#$?>#?$>ノ32./.32♪

[WANTED]
First Name: ???
Last Name: ???
Gender: Male
Birthplace: The Void
DOB: circa 2160
Current Alias: Hue Muhn-Beeng
AKA: Franchise Killer
Place of residence: #A03, Mulberry Avenue, Flats West Bank, Cleveland
Appearance:
-Height: N/A
-Weight: N/A
-Hair: White
-Face: Cartoonish feline features perfectly resembling Kitty White; fictional character on Earth-001
-Torso: Robotic, hollow, visible wiring
-Legs: Prosthetic legs frequently used by residents of Orcus
-Other: Pink bow-tie across left ear
Criminal Record: Found guilty of multiple counts of Tomfoolery between years 2177-2199, Public Indecency in 2187

One of the galaxy's most elusive and notorious pranksters, the infamous Franchise Killer is known for his riotous video-bombing spree in the late 22nd century, causing the downfall of various media franchises. A previously undiscovered species, his non-existent body allows him to shapeshift into art styles resembling those in the specific TV shows or films, often appearing as a prosthetic-legged robot with a comically large feline head. His flawless methods of destroying plot armour and revealing the sad truth about life in media intended for ages 3-5 have been intensively analysed by scientists across several planets and systems.
The Intergalactic Police Department have been on the hunt for him since creating a realistic ending for the 2179 epic space opera film, Star Wars: The Farce Reawakens, which, against the wishes of Disney, satisfied fans of the series. The Franchise Killer was found to have escaped the police force by retreating to his birthplace and homeland, The Void. Enraged, Disney threatened to sue the IGPD, the Franchise Killer and all of the actors starring in the film if he wasn't found immediately. In the years that followed, many more conglomerates also wished to seek legal action against this apparent phantom, and it would seem that it could have been possible with the rapid advance in technology allowing the IGPD to shut down The Void. However, our subject narrowly escaped by seeking refuge in Earth-001, who, at the time, had recently defected from the Intergalactic Union of Important Planets, and disallowed the IGPD from probing the area. On several requests to take a look into his criminal record, officials and citizens of Earth-001 heavily rebuked the IUIP and IGPD, stating that they were "disgusting bigots" and "should be ashamed of trying to lock up someone different from them."
On Earth-001, our subject tries to lay low, registering the legal name of "Hue Muhn-Beeng" in a local court in Cleveland. He attempts to lead a normal life, registering a night job at a local 7-Eleven which is currently in danger of being shut down due to reports of ghostly apparitions. He still longs for occasional bouts of goofing around, concluded from recent reports of him taking a massive risk venturing outside his place of refuge to join an outer-galaxy Clown School, pending certification from any school board within the galaxy.
His crimes continue to be imitated across the galaxy, albeit with much less success, causing Tomfoolery to be the most common reason of arrest in the past decade, surpassing Sharing of Personal Opinion.

Don Queijo the Cheese

A career jester with a penchant for Brazilian Queijo Minas Curado, on a worldwide crusade to spread the faith in the Pão de Queijo Supremacy as the Ultimate Delicassy of Ultimate Destiny... and to end the use of Cream Cheese on Sushi.

He'll never resort to violence, as a gentleman, but he'll definitely make you some black coffee, while he bakes you some Pão de Queijo, and tells you some jokes.

He loves jokes.

Specially self deprecating ones.

-------------------------------------------------

Thanks for the generosity Doc! :D

Disclaimer: Queijo Minas is a Brazilian yellow cheese from the state of Minas Gerais. Comes in Fresh, Standard and Cured/Seasoned (this is the one referenced in the story) varieties.
Pão de Queijo is Cheese Bread. A Brazilian delicassy, usually tastier when made in Minas Gerais.

Immalil Gimm Icky is an ex con artist afflicted by occupational burnout and trying to branch out. He is currently employed as a mind reader at the carnival but not exactly happy with that, as he finds this job very much like conning, only less lucrative and more boring (though, admittedly, also less stressful and more legal).

As a side effect of being conceived in near vicinity of supermassive black hole, Immalil's mind is permanently ahead of reality (including his own body) by approximately 13 seconds, which allows him to see outcome before it happens (thus acting retro-proactively) but also makes movement coordination significantly harder.

Immalil learned to mostly cope with his condition, though obtaining basic abilities like talking, walking, swallowing after chewing, and not wetting his pants before unzipping took him most of his youth. The day he chose to pursue career of a con artist, he was forced to shift gears and enter fast track mode if he wanted to stay alive and well. Over the years in business, he mastered fast and smooth talking, running, dodging, throwing, ducking and other skills helpful in getting out of trouble caused by unhappy "customers". Combined with his precognition, it granted him fair share of success (as well as enemies). However, performing any new, especially highly complex and precise, activities still requires considerable amount of focus and effort.

- Tell me about your childhood, Mr ???

- Otto, you can call me Otto.

- Oh Mr. Otto then, what did we say about the hatred inside you when you realize you are color blind..

- I don't think I'm color blind, sir.

- Hmm you had difficulty thinking and this turned into difficulty speaking

- I really can't understand you, doctor.

- You know, I'm not a doctor, just a clown, but I like your name. You can give me as a payment. Doctor Otto Altenhof. You came to my colleague complaining that you had lost your joy in life. He is not available right now. So.. But don't worry, I will fulfill all the subtleties of my profession to reveal the joy within you. Of course, we will not resort to outdated methods such as hypnosis. First we'll get rid of your vocal cords so they can leave us alone.

- HRRrrrrr. ... ...

-Your eyes are shining, I think it will be easy this time to reach the joy

...
..
....
...

A new original and epic Fight Club without real fights ?
I'm in, many thanks Doc.

Lupo "The 1000 Faces", aka The Cursed Clown.

"There are faces that are more beautiful than the mask that covers them." Jean-Jacques Rousseau

A long time ago, in a small village in France, there lived a little boy named Lupo. Lupo was like any other child, except that he feared a very special time of the year, when the circus came to the village on the Summer Solstice. While the other children loved this event, with all the exotic animals, acrobats and musicians, Lupo became anxious and nervous because he had coulrophobia. He hated clowns, their horrible costumes, make-up, stupid tricks and grotesque grimaces.
Lupo really hated a particular clown, "Bobo le Rigolo", the oldest clown of the troop. He was almost a centenarian, but he was there every year to conclude the show with his little unicycle and his not-so-funny jokes.
Lupo refused to attend the show every year, but his parents insisted on respecting traditions, just like their own parents before them.
This year was supposed to be the last !

When Bobo entered the stage on his small bike to the applause of the audience, Lupo discreetly pulled a slingshot out of his pocket and the sharpest pebble he could find, aimed at the clown's head and fired.
The projectile hit the clown's eye, which screamed in pain before collapsing, breaking his neck. Everyone rushed to help him, but it was too late, the old clown had just given his last performance. Then an old woman appears, Bobo's wife, who was said to be a clairvoyant but above all a follower of black magic.
She screamed her sorrow, then held out a bony finger to Lupo and uttered these words : "Damn it, you little monster! Let you become the one you hate, let your face bring joy and happiness to others, but let it be for you only a source of suffering and sorrow, an emptiness that will break you like the one you inflict on me, and let this emptiness be your burden. So be it !"

At these words, Lupo fled from the tent, left the village, and plunged into the forest, consumed by fear and remorse, before falling asleep under a tree. When he awoke, he understood the old witch's words. His face was gone and felt only a gaping hole. His clothes were different. He wore a colorful and grotesque costume like those of circus clowns. He wept, prayed, and howled at his new condition, alone in the woods, but only the howling of wolves in the distance answered him.

He abandoned his village and his previous life and, as the years passed, earned his living as a wandering clown in remote villages. When people met Lupo, they only saw a familiar or unfamiliar face that brought them joy or made them happy. They were amused by his comedic tricks and he only asked for a few coins, some food, or just a place to sleep at night.
But he felt no joy, no pleasure, only the nothingness of an existence he hated and the remorse of his gesture. His face was gone, but only him was aware of it ! It was his curse !
Over time, Lupo became famous and was nicknamed Lupo "The 1000 Faces".

One day, he saw a poster on a wall announcing a big tournament for all the clowns in the world at a clown school. The reward was mysterious but promised to be unique !
Lupo saw this as a chance to break his curse or at least find a reason to keep turning and decided to go.

Lupo has a knack for making his audience instantly happy at first sight, no matter the activity.
On the other hand, his inner suffering and self-hatred are so deep that he can hardly bear to collaborate or communicate with other clowns !

Abdullah Oblongata was abducted from Kampala, Uganda by the Andromedan Federation's Rigel Organization (A.F.R.O.) some time in mid-1892 while he was walking on his way home from a trip to the local barber in his area.

After extensive tests and training on planet Zoink somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy, he became a valuable member of A.F.R.O., and worked there as a spy for illegal pie contraband. Pies had been illegal throughout the whole Andromedan galaxy for centuries. Abdullah Oblongata was abducted and converted due to his neutrality towards pies.

He was thought of as a superhero among the people, since pies had no effect on him. He was incorruptible, which was what A.F.R.O. was looking for in an agent.

Almost a decade later, Abdullah Oblongata was once again abducted by the Coalition Lieutenants of Whoopee Noises for his indifference to pie, and started working in various circuses in an attempt to uncover the intricate underworld of pie smuggling.

His undercover name is 3.14.

P.S. due to space travel/time dilation, this is happening right now, even though Oblongata was abducted in 1892.

Another of Doc's famous creative giveaways! How fun! :D
With strange clowns and joint activities ... it is bound to be diabolically funny.

*Not in.* I will look forward to reading the antics tho. ;)

Send in the Clowns ... Good Luck everyone!

Goo'n (the invisible mischievous goo)

Goo'n is an alien nomad who piggybacks from ship to ship, and bounces from planet to planet in search of "Goo'n Knowledge".
What precisely is a "Goo'n Knowledge" you might ask?
Well anything that could aid performing pranks and the likes!

Apparently invisibility coupled with free-transformation ability and stickiness is a perfect recipe for mischief. So Goo'n fully embraces that this must be its calling and acts accordingly, fully utilizing these innate characteristics.

―――――――――― ―――――――――― ――――――――――
About the time when Goo'n becomes human
There’s no place like home. But where is it exactly? Goo'n probably doesn’t even know what a home is.
However, one day, his itinerant life led him to a planet called Earth. Goo'n have seen numerous sorts of beings, but this species called humans really strike its curiosity.
They don't have weird shapes and sizes, spikes, tentacles and whatnot.
They're a mix bag of characters: intelligent, dumb, quiet, violent, athletic, weakling. (LOL just what are these?)

This curiosity gradually turns into familiarity and the next thing Goo’n knows is that it’s now stuck here by its own volition. Goo'n even assumes human form (still invisible) from time to time.

About the time Goo'n chose to be a male
During its first day roaming on this planet, Goo'n laid its eyes on a gorgeous slender woman surrounded by a bunch of other woman.

It was completely stunned…
…
with how noisy they were!

"[i]Ahahaha! And that…
And then…
Bwahaha!![/i]"

Uhh I don't wanna be those…

From that day forward… Goo'n becomes a man.

About the floating members
Being invisible have its drawbacks. No one looks at you or pays you attention.
So Goo'n devised a way to reveal himself:
Step 1: Morph into a human
Step 2: Paint just the head, or a limb
Step 3: Run around chasing humans

About the peculiar disappearances
Goo'n could also secrete a special mucus that have an ability to turn anything it touches invisible.
What better way to instantly regain your senses, than to notice a missing limb in the morning?
And just when you thought you're all set and wouldn't be late.. where are those car keys again…?

About the power to PASTE
Okay, obviously Goo'n wouldn't just stick to anything and anything wouldn't necessarily stick to Goo'n. That would be very inconvenient. But where he wanted something or someone stick… they stick.

Think of a lovely couple holding hands together. Wouldn't it be better if they wouldn't let go of each other? --PASTE--
Oh runners! 3..2..1.. --PASTE-- *CRASH*

About the time when Goo'n turns mechanical
Ever rode on an invisible escalator like that slowly floating human…? "WOAH WOAH!"
And you bet even your own coffee hates you when it sliiides awaaaay…
…yep, that's our invisible conveyor belt.

About Sports
Who says punching bag never fights back? *Pow! Pow! Pssh!* "Ouch!"
There's this ring and there's that ball… and there's this someone who'd never get a basket when shooting that ball…

About when HE becomes SHE
Why does a woman goes quiet when she walks down the aisle? Goo'n ponders curiously.
However, since no one would answer EVER. There's only one sensible solution:
To experience it himself!
So off he? she? walks to the aisle with a wedding dress…
♪ When she walks down the aisle ♪
♪ On the arm of -- ♪
And the church scrambles!
Bunch of mood killers…

About when Goo'n turned Genie
"Oh how I wish you'd shut your trap Carl!" --PASTE--
"Such a spectacular view! I never wanna leave this place!" --PASTE--

―――――――――― ―――――――――― ――――――――――
The End

Jabbar Musafir Ali Bab Shishah Jihad Habit Altair Dini
A Muslim Hacker with one hand glued to his Shisha. Jabbar can hack a tree, hack a dinner, hack any Windows-based computer up to XP, he enjoys downloading games from Halal sources and after a short training, Jabbar Musafir can become any of the Game Characters he played. Before every encounter, Ali Bab Shishah Praying to God for Luck and chooses a random game from his endless cave... Jabbar is best at it, Can become Any game character. But once a 2 a.m. Jabbar is sleeping unconscious asking if it can be finished in the morning after some intense coffee with milk and honey and cinnamon and chili and pinch of cocoa on a nice tablecloth with a nice female with a... wake up Jabbar! wake up! ^

Bambolina the Anti-Clown

Tired of living alone beyond the event horizon of Sagittarius A*, a supermassive black hole at the Galactic Center of the Milky Way, Bambolina decides that it's time to enroll in Doc's clown school so she can learn new ways of how to perform and entertain other beings and entities throughout the universe, but mainly in the unknown part of it because she likes to explore new territories. Being an antimatter monolith, Bambolina has the power to incarnate in the mind of others, any kind of others. In this way, when a comedian makes a joke that cracks everybody up, Bambolina may have inconspicuously taken control of the fellow humorist psyche in order to run the show herself. As a matter of fact, only Bambolina knows whether humor really exists in other creatures or if she's the ultimately universal source of laughter.

ThatGuyWithTheThing talked me into taking part in it, so here goes:

A Tentacled Not-Quite-Horror From Outer Space. ("Tenty" for short, as someone nicknamed them)

Nobody (including them) quite knows how they ended up here.

An unknown gender (if they even have one) multi-eyed and multi-tentacled alien... thing, that just appeared one day.
Since they don't talk in a language anyone can understand (and obviously, don't understand any of the local
ones), the communication has proven difficult (They also not so much talk, as sing... not that anyone can understand, what).

They are spending half their free time trying to figure out what's going on, where they are, and what formalities they have to fulfill to avoid getting arrested as an illegal alien (at least as far as anyone can tell?).

And the other half, since they figured out how to use a stove, baking pies for everyone. Which, by definition, are alien pies. They are really good pies.

At some point, someone handed them a sign up form, which they filled. Well, probably, since no one can actually read what they put on it, yet they were entered into the school anyway.

Good at: Swimming, cooking, multitasking (thanks to many tentacles and eyes), juggling, manual work tasks in general.
Bad at: Jumping, their tentacles aren't exactly made for it. Driving, they apparently never used any vehicle (Are they even adult? Nobody knows). They also move slowly on land, being seemingly an aquatic species.

Hi Doc! I'd like to enter with this character...

Rotten Robert (Robob for friends. That is, if he had any).
This guy has always been a crook, since he was a kid. Stealing, bullying, cheating at games... he didn't do it for the gains -although he couldn't lament the side effect of his illicit enrichment- but out of sheer nasty fun, an excessivley smart and crafty dude enitrely devoted to live the most dishonest life possible for giggles.
Despite his criminal past though, the real worst trait nobody could ever suffer was his relentless dedication to horrible puns entirely revolving on toilet humor, something he found irresistibly amusing.
Unfortunately for him, there is only so much karma can take, the pain and rage of his victims (both those of robberies and of his jokes) summing up in such force to alter reality itself and cursing him forever.
From that moment onwards, he'd be the target of his jokes materialized, suffering certain accidents whenever the call of nature arised - something that granted him his nickname and the distinctive bodily "scent" that marked his presence way before announced. Now he roams aimlessly, destined to forever provoke hilarity in those who have a similar sense of humor.

x100 to Doc, all the best to you! Thanks for the school. I send a wonder of engineering, the android with 4 arms J4CKY CH4N.

ATV, LiDAR, 360° cameras, GPS, radar, gyroscopes, countless sensors and actuators systems, constitute it.

Its bad luck is comical, always with pleasant endings and an inexplicable mystery to the scientists. You can imagine why it was disqualified as the model to conquer Mars and how J4CKY CH4N joined the entertainment business.

Other specifications:

• The entire Mars database was overwritten with the most extensive archive of the comedians of the last century.

• Its 488 degrees of freedom allow more movements than any human.

• Complex animatronics tech with quality materials, 300 years of warranty under the most extreme conditions.

• 12.1 sound system.

• Advanced, flexible, smart self-healing materials: Elastomeric alloys based on aluminum, steel, titanium and synthesized polymers.

• Powered by sustainable nuclear energy.

GL to all the trainees!

Thanks for another generous offer #Doc0075, I'm in. My wannabe clown is TPJ, the political joke. A self-centered elite fashionist. Power, fame, fanfares, stylized makeup, flattery, and a unicycle govern his spectacle. All his stand-up shows are 100% full of lies and his nasal voice caused by a honking red nose make his billion followers laugh so hard before taxes. TPJ is the perfect candidate for the job.

Hi,
My character name is Senior Funny Blob. He's a gelatinous cube from different plane of existence. He appeared on earth as a result of failed summoning ritaul by an aprentice clownlock ( dual class clown/warlock). Insted of making people laugth he consumes anyone who is not smiling, by process of elimination he makes wolrd a happier place. He also wears a sombrero.


Thanks