If "pro-" is the opposite of "con-" then what's the opposite of "progress"?

If Democracy 2 was on GOG, i'd gift you a copy!

A man examines menu at some road cafe:

Hamburger: $3
Hot Dog: $2.5
..
..
Blowjob: $20

Directs his gaze towards the counter - a stunning blonde gifted by nature with all the accessories.
Man: Excuse me, who does blowjobs?
Blonde, seductively smiling: I do, why?
Man: Then wash your hands, please, one hamburger for me.

The Buddha walks up to a hot-dog stand and says to the vendor:

-Make me one with everything.

To help get them out of a recession, a company over here has started making landmines designed like prayer mats. Apparently prophets are going through the roof!

B&Q have now been raided after the horsemeat scandal and all their flooring has been confiscated. They have found laminate!

If you say gullible slowly, it sounds like oranges.

How do you pick up a smoking hot Jewish chick?

With a dustpan and brush


A bit non PC but one of the few jokes thats made me laugh in the past week or so even though it shouldn't be funny

I tried to catch the fog.

I mist.

Grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "You know we've got a drink named after you?"

The Grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

That's no @$$, it's a Space Station.

Apparently the Olympian Oscar Pistorius has been trying to get a new door for his bathroom, but has had to give up trying as his wife was dead against it.

LOL

Small edit though Oscar and Rhina or whatever were not actually married

apparently there are two reasons why a man drinks:

a) he doesn't have a wife
b) he does have a wife

Oh, heres a classic.

Q.Why do ducks Have Webbed feet.
A. To stomp out forest fires.

I have a childrens joke book. Its full of them.

Shamelessly stolen from a few sources



Knock knock.

Who's there?

Me you fucking idiot.





What's the difference between Wales and England?

27 points and a championship.





I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper.

ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000

So I phoned them up and said, "The answer is -£5,000."




My girlfriend said she wanted to spice up our sex life so I began with cumin on her tits





Pope Francis seems to question the legitimacy of Falklands independence despite 1,513 residents voting to stay British.

Pretty cheeky from a man who got elected to office by less than 117 votes.





When I asked my girlfriend if I could fuck her in the arse, she looked at me with a wicked glint in her eye and said, "Baby, I'm happy to try anything you want me to, just so long as you'd be prepared to do it yourself... So, do you still want to fuck me in the arse?"

"Actually, I've changed my mind," I replied. "I want you to have sex with your sister."