Banned because my most favorite crime that I want to do is break into a brewery and pee in all the vats.

Dude! Totally banned! Like Totally!

Dude! Partially banned! Like partially!

Banned, because we can't ban members partially, unless we dismember them...hmm, something to think about actually.

You first, I ban your tail even though it will probably grow back.

Banned for vivisection.

Banned because fine then, YOU grapple with this thing; it'll be just like the high-school fight in "Amazing" Spider-Man.

^ Banned, because Spider Man does the grappling

^ Banned, because "whisky" is how it is spelled in Scotland, as in Scotch Whisky

Banned for not showing us what’s under your beard.

Banned for beard-perversion.

Banned for oppressing me and not accepting the rainbow of types.

Then ban me, I must sleeep. (You're banned by a green-eyed triclops for being the dirty cop in this scenario who wants to ban me for Drunken Disorderly and Slandering the Badge.)

Banned for being slightly drunker than me.

Banned for being drunk at all.
Banned for taking me seriously in a joke thread.

^ Banned, for taking me seriously in a joke thread...

seriously.