Granted, right after your first flight, agents from a secret organization kidnaps you and locks you up in their top secret facility. Since you lack Superman's other powers, you can't break out of the cell they put you in. You will spend the rest of you life in there..

I wish I have a fool-proof plan for surviving the zombie apocalypse..

Granted. But you'll be killed by the alien invasion.

I wish that I can earn alot of money by doing nothing.

Granted, you become a reality show star, meaning that you are the lowest form of life on the planet, causing you to become incredibly depressed and commit suicide.

I wish I had roller coaster tycoon

Granted. But each time you try to install it the computer is destroyed.

I wish I could sleep longer tomorrow.

Granted, you can sleep indefinitely in the come you'll be in.

I wish The Who could play at my birthday.

Granted but it transpires that the World Health Organisation have few talented musicians

I wish I knew what I know now 20 years ago

Granted! Twenty years ago, you knew all about GOG. But the knowledge brings you no joy, since you'll have to spend the next two decades paying full price for classic games on slow computers that don't work quite right, with no internet resource such as search engines, patches and mods. Rather than improving your life, instead you're driven insane.

I wish I could tan without getting burnt in the process.

Granted: You can and you do. Now you have a bright orange glow from the spray on tan you received at the hands of a beauty salon trainee.

I wish it wasn't so hot.

Granted, but now a new Ice Age starts.

I wish I knew what wish to wish for.

Since you weren't the first to make that wish, you just broke reality.

I wish reality came with cheat codes.

Granted! But since you`re grandmother ran over you with her younger lovers car, you are in a coma and dreaming up your own reality. Far Far way us. Never to discover those real cheat codes.

I wish I was a flying kenguru with a compact portal gun wristwatch.

Granted. As is, no modifiers. That wish already sounds corrupted enough. :p

I wish I was weatherproof.

Granted.

There should be enough air in that coffin for you to enjoy your wish don't you think??

I wish I were Kate Middleton's baby for one hour....hubba hubba

Granted,

Prince Harry puts you to bed and you die of Cot Death.

I wish my belly would magically change from a flabby spare tyre to muscle evenly distributed around my body.

granted. your legs and arms are now the same exact width

I wish i could talk to animals