Granted but the term "politically correct" will be replaced with "theologically correct".

I wish that I'm famous.

Granted, you get famous after they find the bodies.

I wish that I weren't sick anymore.

Granted, but you come down with an incurable case of the measles.

I wish I could learn guitar faster.

Shouldn't have practiced so hard; best of luck dealing with those bloody and nerveless fingertips.

I wish I could draw as well as I write.

Granted, but you now write terribly.

I wish for an Oreo cheesecake.

Granted but the cake will be made of smelly Limburger cheese.

I wish that I can drink alcohol, be able to drive a car savely and the police will never mind.

Granted, you are the greatest drunk driver of RC cars, the pólice will never notice/mind your drunken driving skills.

I wish to be a crossfit master.

And so you are! Unfortunately, as part of a promotional stunt gone wrong, you perish while attempting to do pushups at the top of Mount Everest.

I wish that I had enough room for all of my stuff.

Granted, but now you can never find your stuff when you need it.

I wish for a pet bear named Barnabus that I can ride around on. He should also have a top hat and monocle, for he is a sophisticated bear.

Granted. Not only is he sophisticated. He is also hungry and you are the only meal available,

I wish there were less people finding it absolutely important to speak about how stupid other people are.

Granted, now all of those people are dead, but since you just talked about their stupid behavior, that includes you.

I wish I had a license to kill.

Granted- for everyone- it's now completely leagal to kill- no punishment, but lots of chaos. For how long can you survive?

I wish I was blind.

Granted! Have fun...

I wish I could control fire and was also immune to it's affects.

granted, but every time you do you'll freeze to death.

i wish i was happy.

Granted. Here are your anti depression tablets.

I wish that I can fly like Superman.