That pun was so atrocious, Isaac Asimov would have been proud :-D

Indeed :D.
EDIT: And here's one with a less atrocious pun but is otherwise really good (IMO).
-There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

How the Bible would be different if college students wrote it.
1. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
2. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
3. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
4. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
5. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
7. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
8. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
9. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
10. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

A painter accepted the task of painting a church steeple. He had 10 gallons of white paint. Half way down the steeple he had already used 6.5 gallons. He made sure no one was looking and then diluted the remaining paint with paint thinner.
He finished the job, cleaned his brush and rollers, and looked up to see that there were two distinct colors of white on the steeple.
"Oh, no!" he exclaimed, "What can I do now?"
A clap of thunder roared above him, and a booming voice was heard saying, "Repaint! And stop your thinning!"

True story : There are shops now selling cakes for all occasions :
Divorce cakes -
Her dumping him - link
Him dumping her - Link
Acrimonious split - link
Psycho bitch - link
Now...I'm just waiting for this to expand :
Menopause cakes - dry, no jam and ran out of eggs to make it
*Lone3wolf runs away...very fast*

I like the sound of psycho bitch cakes. Maybe they're made out of real blood.

Another corny joke (CAUTION: atrocious pun ahead!).
-What happens to people who are lost in a cornfield?
They get cornfused!

They corn't find their way?

No, and if they have mean "friends", they will also be scorned!

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Two esikimos were cold while out kayaking, so they decided to light a fire in the kayak to keep warm. Unfortunately, the kayak sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Where does a general keep his armies?
In his sleevies!
So there was a shooting at the Gap... There were many casualtees.
A group of chess players return to their hotel after a major tournament. In the lobby, they start having a loud discussion about how many matches they had won and who had made the best moves of the day. Soon the manager appears and asks them to leave. When they ask why, he replies "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Jose and Miguel are trudging through the desert. They get off to a good start, but four days into the trip, they're both exhausted, hungry, and completely parched, with no idea how close they are or aren't to civilization. Suddenly, as they cross over a rather large sand dune, they see an oasis in the distance, with a pond of water and a small shurb by it. As they get closer, it becomes clear that the shrub is covered in various pork products--bacon, sausage, pork chops, etc. Miguel sees what he thinks is their last chance at survival, and runs with all of his energy towards the oasis, shouting in his thick Mexican accent, "Jose, Jose! Eet's the answer to our prayers!" Jose suddenly realizes what's going on, and shouts (also with a thick accent), "Wait, Miguel! Don' do eet! Eet's... Eet's..." Miguel doesn't listen, and when he gets close to the oasis, he is shot several times by a hidden gunman while Jose is stuttering. Jose, horrified at what is happening in front of him, finally spits out the end of his sentence: "Eet's a hambush!"
A couple has twins and decide to name one child each. The wife is from Egypt and picks the name 'Ahmal'.The husband is from Mexico and chooses 'Juan'. When the send baby photos to friends and family, there's only one baby in the photo. When asked why, they reply "they're identical twins. You've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
I have eaten sausages in many countries but German sausages are definitely wurst.
there's a vas deferens between a man and a woman.
This reminds me of a friend of mine who always likes to try out a new t-shirt on a cold day. That way, he can be sure to wear a jacket ovaries testes.
My roommate had a fit of OCD, and stacked all the bread in the house. The San Francisco sourdough naturally went on top, followed by multigrains, seeded breads, and on and on through wonder bread and into rye with cursed caraway seeds. But underneath it all was a hamburger bum. I asked him "why?" and he said "everyone knows, a bun is the lowest form of wheat."
Well if you want bad puns, I'll give 'em to you. But as far as belief systems go, I've always seen being masochistic as a sad -ism.
A friend of mine was in a cab outside of Moscow. He struck up a conversation with the with the cab driver and as they passed a few farms he asked if they were good at farming. The driver said, "Russian farmers are outstanding in their fields."
you should all be pun-ished
I’ve been reading something very interesting — Stephen Hawking’s latest book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Have you heard the one about Dick Cheney's baseball cap?
Ah, forget it. It's old hat by now.
I wanted to buy some camouflage pants the other day but I couldn't find any.
I took my garbage out to give it to the trash collectors, but I found I'd missed them -- they'd already bin and gone.
Puns are only funny when they're spontaneous. They shouldn't be in chline of a joke.

Have you been collecting them, Weclock?
I like these :-).

every now and then a thread pops up on reddit and I just collect a bunch

Some jokes about viola players, very popular amongst musicians (especially violin players)
How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.
Why is a viola solo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.

I guy walks into a bar. He says "ouch"

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
A little girl I was babysitting wanted to do arts and crafts. She spilled glitter all over her skin and proceeded to cry. When I asked her what was wrong she sniffled and said, “I don’t want to be a vampire!”
I was attacked by 3 guys in an alley last night. I managed to knock one out, probably not the best time for a wank, but what the hell.
Whats the leading cause of Pedophilia?
A: Sexy Kids
How many ska musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4, one to screw it in and 3 in case the first drops it and they need to "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up."
A man leaves his accordion in his car and goes home, only to realize that he left the doors unlocked.
He runs back to his car but alas, he is too late: someone's put another accordion in his car.
What's a gentleman? Someone who can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts? With jammin.
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Whats the difference between a washing machine and a 16 year old girl?
A washing machine wont follow you around for 6 months telling you it loves you after you dump your load in one
Man shipwrecks along with his boat full of livestock. Only him, a dog, and a sheep survived and live on a deserted island.
Hours go by and this guy gets bored and horny. He decides to make a move for the sheep, but every time he does the dog starts barking and scares off the sheep.
Months later a woman washes up on shore. He gives her CPR and saves her life. She wakes up and thanks him, asking if there's anything she can do to repay him.
He asks modestly, "Well, you could take this dog for a walk."
2 guys are out hunting when one keels over clutching his chest. Panicked, his friend calls 911.
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Hunter: Well I'm out in the woods and my hunting partner, I think he's had a heart attack! I think he's dead!
Operator: Ok, calm down. First let's make sure he's dead, ok?
There is a pause and suddenly a shot rings out.
Hunter: Ok, now what?
Q: What do you call three lepers in a hot-tub?
A: Oatmeal for everybody.
A man walks into a psychiatrists office naked but completely covered in plastic wrap. The doctor says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?
The Harley can carry two dirt bags.
Why does Virginia Tech suck at basketball?
They lost all of their good shooters.
Who is the favorite football team of the Taliban?
The New York Jets.
How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Joe's riding a bus and sees the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen in his life sitting near him. She leaves before him and says goodbye to the driver as if they kind of know each other. Joe goes up to the driver and says "Dude, that's the hottest chick I've ever seen! She's a NUN? What a waste! Do you know anything about her?" Bus driver says, "Her parents were killed in a crash when she was a kid. It screwed her up for a while then she found God and became a nun. I drop her off near the cemetery every Thursday, she goes to their graves and prays for them. I don't believe in all that shit but she's obviously hardcore into it, if you showed up at the grave site dressed as Jesus, she'd probably do anything for you." Joe thinks this is a good idea and he does just this the following Thursday. Sure enough, she's there. "It is I sister," he tells her. "I am your Lord Jesus Christ." Nun responds "Oh my Lord, what do you wish of me??" Joe says they gotta fuck (but he doesn't put it like that). He convinces her, but she asks if they can do anal instead, because she's taken a vow of celibacy. Joe figures that's fair enough. They do it, and afterward Joe says "Sister, I have a confession to make. I'm not Jesus Christ." He takes off his disguise. Sister responds "I have a confession to make, too...(takes off her nun outfit) I'm the bus driver!!"