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It's so slow that I'm using Mosaic to browse the web...
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We have a weiner! Er, winner! Crude without coming right out and saying it:

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Dzsono: This internet connection is so slow my penis is getting bored.
In my mind I was thinking, "It's so slow, I watched SpectraVision instead." Frequent travelers in the US might get that joke.
Congrats to Dzsono, and thanks HereForTheBeer for your generousity!
Sex sells :)

Thanks HereForTheBeer!
congrats Dzsono!
Congrats Dzsono and thanks again HereForTheBeer.
Congrats to the winner!
Lol, that was a perfect winning answer given the topic and the medium. Bravo.