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General discussion (archive)No Girlfriend(254 posts)(254 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted February 16, 2014
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darthvader39560: Again, I apologize for nercroing a old thread, but I'm curious. Why do girls never start conversations? Its strange. I wait about 1-2 days in between every conversation I have with this girl so she doesn't get suspicious, and once we start talking she gets pretty talkative, but she never starts a conversation with me. I don't get it.
i have been shopping with a girl once (it was hell). She had to be "activated". So i had to talk to her, to make her talk back. she would never start a conversation on her own, but when someone else does, she talks and keeps talking and goes on and on. or she saw shoes..which made her go "aaawww" and "aren't these cute?" and i was always like "yes" or...well... "yes".

Then she started stalking me and collected photos from my childhood but thats another story.
Posted February 16, 2014
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darthvader39560: Again, I apologize for nercroing a old thread, but I'm curious. Why do girls never start conversations? Its strange. I wait about 1-2 days in between every conversation I have with this girl so she doesn't get suspicious, and once we start talking she gets pretty talkative, but she never starts a conversation with me. I don't get it.
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Soccorro: i have been shopping with a girl once (it was hell). She had to be "activated".
Just to balance this out, I'm a guy who almost never starts conversations, especially with people that I know poorly or not at all. I'm relatively quiet even among friends, and that's just part of my character. Also a contributing factor to why I have a tendency to drink. I don't mind my friends being around all silent, though; I appreciate their presence and company even so.
Posted February 16, 2014
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Soccorro: i have been shopping with a girl once (it was hell). She had to be "activated".
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AlKim: Just to balance this out, I'm a guy who almost never starts conversations, especially with people that I know poorly or not at all. I'm relatively quiet even among friends, and that's just part of my character. Also a contributing factor to why I have a tendency to drink. I don't mind my friends being around all silent, though; I appreciate their presence and company even so.
oh im also very silent. :) its just about pushing yourself forward sometimes. I used to be overweight too... i managed to lose 77 lb in less than 6 months. and i didnt even do sport excesively. and sometimes you HAVE to talk and act like you have an infinite amount of confidence.
Posted February 16, 2014
Don't worry, man - Those humongous skid-marked panties will be swinging on the clothesline next to yours soon - I can just see it!

In all seriousness - Later down the road when you get to know what most people are truly like and realize girls ain't any sweeter than men - just men with tits - You'll be glad you didn't get yourself dicked around as much as many who did do the relationship thing.

Imagine having lost most of what you own and having kids out there you can't see anymore who remind you the few times you do that you're 'too poor to be their real dad.'

All opportunists. Chics ain't any different, just much more discreet.
Posted February 16, 2014
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darthvader39560: Again, I apologize for nercroing a old thread, but I'm curious. Why do girls never start conversations? Its strange. I wait about 1-2 days in between every conversation I have with this girl so she doesn't get suspicious, and once we start talking she gets pretty talkative, but she never starts a conversation with me. I don't get it.
Mainly cultural reasons, the ones that you're likely to want without knowing, usually have the problem of too many strange men approaching them rather than too few.

Whenever the topic comes up, I'm always quite clear that women who value equality should hit on at least one man at some point, And really all of them ought to, it's really a good way of understanding what it's like to be expected to take a risk of being humiliated by a stranger.
Posted February 16, 2014
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darthvader39560: Again, I apologize for nercroing a old thread, but I'm curious. Why do girls never start conversations? Its strange. I wait about 1-2 days in between every conversation I have with this girl so she doesn't get suspicious, and once we start talking she gets pretty talkative, but she never starts a conversation with me. I don't get it.
Because they don't have to.
Posted February 16, 2014
I got married in my early 30's and didn't really date seriously until my late 20's. And while I dated a couple girls before getting married (nothing serious or for very long), my wife was "my first" -- if you catch my meaning. Technically that was by choice, but only one of my relationships ever progressed to the point where there ever was a choice. :)

Depending on your education and career path, a lot of people are putting off serious relationships until later in life nowadays. That was my case -- while I wasn't opposed to the idea of romance, I was just too busy to put much thought and energy into it and meaningless one-night stands didn't appeal to me. It did have a nice side effect -- by the time I started seriously dating I was well established in my career, felt pretty confident in myself, was very stable financially and had a solid idea of where I wanted to go with my life. I might not have been the hottest guy out there, but having had the time to develop those qualities made me pretty darn appealing to "the right kind of girl."

And no, waiting until later does not necessarily mean you miss all the good ones. My wife is extremely beautiful (former model), a total sweet-heart and a girl-gamer as icing on the cake. Score one for the geeks!

23 is far from being beyond hope. My best advice it to quit thinking about it -- just go about living and enjoying life. At some point, you'll meet someone who enjoys the same things you do. When you meet the right person, it will be pretty darn obvious.
Posted February 17, 2014
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Ryan333: I got married in my early 30's and didn't really date seriously until my late 20's. And while I dated a couple girls before getting married (nothing serious or for very long), my wife was "my first" -- if you catch my meaning. Technically that was by choice, but only one of my relationships ever progressed to the point where there ever was a choice. :)

Depending on your education and career path, a lot of people are putting off serious relationships until later in life nowadays. That was my case -- while I wasn't opposed to the idea of romance, I was just too busy to put much thought and energy into it and meaningless one-night stands didn't appeal to me. It did have a nice side effect -- by the time I started seriously dating I was well established in my career, felt pretty confident in myself, was very stable financially and had a solid idea of where I wanted to go with my life. I might not have been the hottest guy out there, but having had the time to develop those qualities made me pretty darn appealing to "the right kind of girl."

And no, waiting until later does not necessarily mean you miss all the good ones. My wife is extremely beautiful (former model), a total sweet-heart and a girl-gamer as icing on the cake. Score one for the geeks!

23 is far from being beyond hope. My best advice it to quit thinking about it -- just go about living and enjoying life. At some point, you'll meet someone who enjoys the same things you do. When you meet the right person, it will be pretty darn obvious.
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This is a pretty good response.

I also want to add that in your thirties you've grown to know the world better so your rose tints are off making you a lot more careful with who select to proceed further with or even bother to approach.
Posted February 17, 2014
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carnival73: This is a pretty good response.

I also want to add that in your thirties you've grown to know the world better so your rose tints are off making you a lot more careful with who select to proceed further with or even bother to approach.
Putting aside possible emphasis on looks - but I trust those were only enhanced after meeting of the heart; and the mind. ;-)

From my perspective, the issue somewhat is for persons who are not that keen on living together cum marriage, but also do not wish to sleep around indiscriminately.

Promiscuous behaviour with places to meet and codes of action is there, and so is the ideal of married life.

What I would find lagging behind in terms of codifying the wooing, and setting forth a scene that is neither purely lusty singles or traditional couples' oriented, are the adults who do not wish to (necessarily) marry, nor sleep around, but would like to find a nice romance between two independent adults.

Am I the only one with this point of view?
Posted February 17, 2014
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TStael: What I would find lagging behind in terms of codifying the wooing, and setting forth a scene that is neither purely lusty singles or traditional couples' oriented, are the adults who do not wish to (necessarily) marry, nor sleep around, but would like to find a nice romance between two independent adults.

Am I the only one with this point of view?
Doubtful, I agree with you. What you described above is what I would call actual dating as there's no point in dating if all you want is a fling and when you enter the living-together-phase or marriage the dating part is long gone.

I suppose in that sense it's more of a middle ground, a grey area if you will, which makes codifying more abstract rather than simple flirting or talking about the type of wedding one wants. That means, I would say but I've no proof, it limits your options to people who understand abstract codes and actually want that part rather than the other two.

I'm sure one could divide them into nuances of catagories (and even sub-catagories) but for the sake of explanation I kept it simple.
Posted February 17, 2014
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darthvader39560: Again, I apologize for nercroing a old thread, but I'm curious. Why do girls never start conversations? Its strange. I wait about 1-2 days in between every conversation I have with this girl so she doesn't get suspicious, and once we start talking she gets pretty talkative, but she never starts a conversation with me. I don't get it.
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DAlancole: Because they don't have to.
Now that I think of it, it takes a lot more to get a woman to make an advance on a man than vice versa because as you put it they don't have to. Oddly enough, I don't believe I've ever been on a date, but I have been proposed to and I have had women chat me up. I just wasn't able to comprehend that it was happening because I wasn't expecting it to happen.

The more desirable a man is, and the more difficult he's perceived to be to get, the more likely it is for women to go for it. Personally, I don't recommend going that route as it's a high risk one, unless one is obscenely good looking and powerful. And then the women going for it, might well be exactly the opposite of what you're going for.
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Ryan333: I got married in my early 30's and didn't really date seriously until my late 20's. And while I dated a couple girls before getting married (nothing serious or for very long), my wife was "my first" -- if you catch my meaning. Technically that was by choice, but only one of my relationships ever progressed to the point where there ever was a choice. :)

Depending on your education and career path, a lot of people are putting off serious relationships until later in life nowadays. That was my case -- while I wasn't opposed to the idea of romance, I was just too busy to put much thought and energy into it and meaningless one-night stands didn't appeal to me. It did have a nice side effect -- by the time I started seriously dating I was well established in my career, felt pretty confident in myself, was very stable financially and had a solid idea of where I wanted to go with my life. I might not have been the hottest guy out there, but having had the time to develop those qualities made me pretty darn appealing to "the right kind of girl."

And no, waiting until later does not necessarily mean you miss all the good ones. My wife is extremely beautiful (former model), a total sweet-heart and a girl-gamer as icing on the cake. Score one for the geeks!

23 is far from being beyond hope. My best advice it to quit thinking about it -- just go about living and enjoying life. At some point, you'll meet someone who enjoys the same things you do. When you meet the right person, it will be pretty darn obvious.
Now that I've accepted that hitting on women in person isn't my forte, assuming I can even find one that's single. I've noticed that I do get women approaching me online that are interested. And even when they don't, having a clear indication that they think they might be interested, makes it a lot easier for me to justify trying to chat them up, as I at least know there's some chance of something happening, rather than passing up women that might be interested for the one that's not.

I'm also noticing that at 33, I'm still young enough to attract women in their 20s, but I regularly get women my age and a bit older trying to chat me up. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance giving them a fair shot against wasting their time. I find both possibilities to be rather suboptimal.
Post edited February 17, 2014 by hedwards
Posted February 17, 2014
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TStael: the adults who do not wish to (necessarily) marry, nor sleep around, but would like to find a nice romance between two independent adults.

Am I the only one with this point of view?
Having a hard time reading as you're a bit jumbled (happens to me if I have music going while posting).

But I believe the majority share that view if you meant seeking to live together in a non-married relationship for the sake of romantic company and support.

Many don't marry now a days simply because it is too costly to do so.


If you meant an exclusive partnership where both individuals live apart - That's 'Dating' as the other poster said and yeah, many tend to eternally date one another too.
Post edited February 17, 2014 by carnival73
Posted February 17, 2014
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TStael: the adults who do not wish to (necessarily) marry, nor sleep around, but would like to find a nice romance between two independent adults.

Am I the only one with this point of view?
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carnival73: Having a hard time reading as you're a bit jumbled (happens to me if I have music going while posting).

But I believe the majority share that view if you meant seeking to live together in a non-married relationship for the sake of romantic company and support.

Many don't marry now a days simply because it is too costly to do so.

If you meant an exclusive partnership where both individuals live apart - That's 'Dating' as the other poster said and yeah, many tend to eternally date one another too.
Yeah, it can be a complicated calculation in some parts of the world as to whether or not to get married. Around here we're a community property state, so sometimes doctors won't get married so that they can protect a portion of their assets in the event of a malpractice suit. Seniors sometimes don't want to remarry because it can cost them access to their social security checks in some cases.
Posted February 18, 2014
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AlKim: Just to balance this out, I'm a guy who almost never starts conversations, especially with people that I know poorly or not at all. I'm relatively quiet even among friends, and that's just part of my character. Also a contributing factor to why I have a tendency to drink. I don't mind my friends being around all silent, though; I appreciate their presence and company even so.
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Soccorro: oh im also very silent. :) its just about pushing yourself forward sometimes. I used to be overweight too... i managed to lose 77 lb in less than 6 months. and i didnt even do sport excesively. and sometimes you HAVE to talk and act like you have an infinite amount of confidence.
I don't believe in pushing myself in such cases. I am quite confident, and I can talk convincingly especially if I have had time to prepare (speeches, presentations, conversations about familiar subjects), but it's mostly performative and unreal, which I do not regard myself as; it's just not me, and I don't want people to like a person that they are fooled into thinking I am. Being bloody-mindedly unpretentious hasn't been terribly good for making new friends for me, but on the other hand it has been effective in making them stick around, and this includes a Missus.
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This is my favourite topic
Community
General discussion (archive)No Girlfriend(254 posts)(254 posts)
(254 posts)