This the splash I got when I fired up Minecraft today.

Super cereal, I kid you not!

Pioneering Frontiers®
NOW WITH 100% MORE WORLD MAP
Features Include

● Google Maps Interface
● Patented IsometTech™ Viewing Technology With Glorious WunderColor®
● No More Painful and Embarrassing Injections
● Zoom In AND Out!
● Safe For Most Septic Tanks
● Enjoy Anywhere From Your Favorite Browser
● Will Never Judge You
● Track Your Progress Exploring Our Endless Frontiers
● Contains Over 100 Blocks!

"As a notably successful Executive Internet Authority, I view a lot of maps of Minecraft worlds. My professional livelihood depends on being able to distinguish between three children, stacked inside of a trenchcoat, disguised as an adult and the greatest map of all time that will change your life forever. With all of my qualified experience, I can assure you this map is definitely not three children, stacked inside of a trenchcoat, disguised as an adult. You don't have to take my word for it, there's a reason why this is the top number one all-time recommended map among professionals and unprofessionals alike. A reason you can take all the way to the bank."

~ Prof. Chauncey Marshmallow Esq.
Executive Internet Authority

What are you waiting for? Get some today! -- kiloblitz.net/mcmap


©2008 Hyperbole Ventures Ltd.

All right, that's pretty sweet!

WEEKEND WORLD MAP UPDATE:
THE MAPPENING

Just when you thought it was dialed up to maximum mappage, another map bomb is set to blow away your mind. This non-stop thrill ride will keep you at the edge of your seat with colorful representations of our boundless expanses that explode off the screen and into your face. "If you fill your eyemeats with only one map this Fall, make it The Mappening".

- Juanita Moosepikk,
The Butte Courier


Will they find a place for their forbidden love, or will it destroy them?


©1999 Hyperbole Productions Inc.

Ender Dragon Raiding Party Today @ 3:00 pm EDT


The Ender Dragon. He is the foe every Minecraftian must eventually face. His fire, the last thing seen by many, and his wings their last shade.

But fear not! At 3:00 pm EDT, this shadow shall be faced! See the glimmer of the shields, hear the Dragon's Roar! Watch it felled, see its ruin smoking on the Towers of the End. We will ride out to face this threat head on, and you may pit yourself against the Beast, or watch the action going down in safety. No rest for the wicked. No rest to the Dragon.

Equip yourself in diamond or iron armour, bring out your most trusted blades and bows and meet us on the server to partake in this Epic and Daring Raid into the depths of the unknown!

Pioneering Frontiers
Fabulous Secret Powers Include:

● Explore a land without limits, no chaffing world borders. Huge tracts of land!
● See exactly how lost you are with our very own Google map. Isometrical!
● Play the latest builds, discover brand new ~~bugs~~ features. Be the first!
● Obscenely helpful players! Seriously, just take the food and armor, don't be a hero.
● Contribute to monumental community projects, leave you mark on the world.
● Unique 'Panache' system that distinguishes and rewards exceptional players. Très chic!
● Bulleted Lists!


Same old world, different host, many new friends. Drop by and share a laugh, a tale or even a wondrous creation.

Big ole stinky Panache™ giveaway here

get you some!

SURVIVAL HELL


● No Regeneration: Potions and beacons only!
● No Cheap F3 Debug Info: Use maps, compasses and landmarks!
● Desolate Lands: Barren plant-life struggle for survival!
● Molten Oceans: The floor is lava!
● Scarce & Redistributed Ores: A post-cataclysmic world!
● Floating Islands: Moving on up!
● Unique Challenges: Climb, bridge and think outside the blocks to thrive.

To keep up with demand, we've migrated our classic Pioneering Frontiers world to even beefier hardware and to celebrate we're hosting this special event! There are no mods required for you to download and install, simply fire up Minecraft and connected with the usual IP. Whether you're a regular, brand new or a long-time casual contributor, be sure to check out the festivities before they're over. Groovy!

♫ Oh, the weather outside is frightful... ♫

Okay, chances are it's not but, just because it's 70°F (21°C) and green where you are doesn't mean you can't have some fun in the snow, or at least pretend to. So, do you wanna build a snowman? Head over here and delude yourself in our new, frosty giveaway.

CHRIMBUS CRASHERS

or
"There's No Business Like Snow Business"


Prologue by Th4DwArfY1

The snow was on the ground and sleigh bells were the only sound in the village--bar the calls of the children. Adults stayed in, fires in their hearths and drinks in their hands, while the children ran amok outside their windows. It was the holiday season, and all the boys and girls were being good. Stalls selling festive treats and hot drinks ran a brisk business, and the steam of many hot chocolate beverages curled around the drooping eaves of the small, white-washed buildings.

Suddenly, a new sound rose above the jolly, holiday noises customary this time of year. It was Chris Chrimbus, scourge of the happy, bane of the weak. The children stopped their play and dashed indoors, the parents craned out their windows and, seeing him, slammed their shutters into place. No one liked Chris Chrimbus, for he was mean even on the most joyous of holidays. He left fire crackers in stockings, blocked the chimneys with snow, and shaved the hair off the back of the wolf-hounds these people kept as pets. Soon, only the sound of Chrimbus walking was to be discerned.

“Ho, ho, ho!” he cried, his voice breaking the silence. Such a grim figure he was, striding through the idyllic streets! The children cowered, the mothers worried, and the fathers nursed disgust in their hearts. “Come out, little children! I have sweets, toys, dolls!” the children started, but their parents held them in check. Those peering through cracks in their windows saw Chrimbus bare his teeth in a snarl before he strode on, into the deserted centre of town.

This place, the people of the village had adorned with what decorations they could afford. Tim the Toymaker was in his shop, the concentration needed for his art preventing him from hearing the sounds of boots on snow, and curses snarled at the cowardly villagers. As he was putting the finishing touches to a rocking horse (a stroke of red here, festive green there, and varnish to make the eyes gleam and shine as if they truly held equestrian intelligence!) Tim finally heard the sound--his door banged open, a gale blew in, and with it came Chrimbus. Tim was soon man-handled into a sack, the struggle upturning tables crowded with cherished toys had made with skill and care. Tin soldiers stared in hate, but could not move their metallic limbs to help.With a cackle, Chrimbus disappeared through the door, his sack bulging with his ill-gotten holiday present named Tim.

● ● ●

In the weeks that followed more and more villagers vanished and, neither Tim nor the others would reappear. The villagers grew worried and, the children mourned the absence of their beloved Toymaker. Not long after, their fears were made palpable by the sound of familiar, yet empty voices singing a hollow song in the distance and the sudden appearance of the snow-men. Snow-men with a malevolent glint to their varnished eyes as if they held some spark of life fueled by an incendiary malice betraying their frozen forms. Panic began to set in, the villagers consigned themselves to speculate wildly over rumors that the abductees were being put to work in forced labor camps and the emergence of the snowy effigies represented a part of some sinister plot put into machination by Chrimbus himself. Now, more than ever, they needed answers or a sign--some glimmer of hope. They needed someone willing to step up and crash Chrimbus' party!


Join us as we celebrate this holiday season with our very own, original Minecraft event! It's up to you and your companions to uncover what evil things Chris Chrimbus and his cronies are planning in order to put an end to them and rescue the kidnapped villagers. Discover unique items while you enjoy an original story told through one-of-a-kind encounters. The festivities begin now and run until their culmination on the 28th, Stay tuned for the next chapter!

CHRIMBUS CRASHERS
or
"Everybody Loves A Clone"


Part Two by Th4DwArfY1

Meanwhile, in their secret lab Melty the Magman was bouncing ecstatically while his head assistant, Jhinjur (matriarch of the loathsome witch covenant; The Sisters of Spyze) writhed her gnarled hands with wicked delight. It had worked! Electricity arced in the air around them and fizzed in Jhinjur's wiry hair, but she doesn't seem to notice. Their invention had worked! Before them, two bewildered Tim the Toymakers stared vacantly at each other with their mouths hanging agape. Sitting in an isolated room, they have no clue as to what happened. With another cackle, Jhinjur pulled a lever and more electricity struck both Tims. Shaking, their mouths slam shut as their jaws clench, they vibrate….soon, there are four figures in the room. Melty curses and screams, Jhinjur pulls at her frazzled hair--they realize that there is now only one Tim left. Three diminutive, misshapen figures cluster around the aghast toymaker, cold hands clawing and voices raised in screeching song. With a gasp, the sole remaining Tim scrambles on top of the chair he had been sitting on, once calm features now twisted in fear.

Jhinjur pulls another lever and the floor spins. The Magman screams and curses at the three child-like figures whirling in front of him. Panels appear, pull apart and reveal a chute. The agonized squeals of the failed creatures echoes back into the lab, and Tim looks at the chute with dread. Other such villagers huddle in similar rooms, some with successful outcomes, most with failed, disturbing creations as a result. At night, Magman’s boss (no other than Chris Chrimbus, the sly old dog!) will dispose of the rejects by leaving them with bad little boy and girls, teaching them the true meaning of holiday retribution.

The successful clones of the by-now shell-shocked villagers were sent to work in the snow mines, and the colorless factories of Chrimbus’ Factories Inc. They dig snow, fashion it, mold it into fearsome aspects. Coal eyes, carrot noses. No less than Snow men, what should stand for the holidays, but now stand against it.

A frosty wind blows from the east where a mysterious shadow, the length of six moons travel is being cast. Much like this ominous shade, rumors of a sinister tower reaching into the clouds weigh on the hearts and minds of the villages. And so, the remaining free villagers bring their plight to the Heroes of the area: renowned for their use of the bow, sword and the arcane arts of enhancing weapons, they plead with them to destroy the vile factories of the holiday thief, which churn out such child-like annoying things. The streets of their beloved village were over run by them, their arms extended for hugs, their eyes devoid of life. Chrimbus Cronies, they were called, and the heroes were desperately needed to clear the source of this vile tide which sang twisted, music-less songs.

But will they have the nerve to face Chrimbus and his cohorts, in air, on sea? Riding on horse or swimming the depths? For who knows precisely where this cloning facility could be? The heroes unsheathe their swords, and one by one lay it into the centre of the circle they form. The villagers look on, awed, as they pledge their support with the ring of steel. “Down with the Chrimbus Cronies!” goes forth the call. “Down with the Scourge of the holidays, and the singers of such horrid songs!”


Part two of our Chrimbus Crashers event is now live! Gird your raiments and steel your resolve for it's time to seek out Melty the Magman's hidden clone laboratory and lay siege to it. Gather a group to put an end to the vile machinations of Melty and the Sisters of Spyze, stem the unrelenting tide of the Chrimbus clones and free the abducted villagers. The pain train departs the station now, get on board. Stay tuned for the final chapter!