Requirement: joined before July2013 and min. 1 rep

To enter: pick 1 game from the available prizes and post it in bold. Then, make me laugh. Those of you who have me laughing the most will win. You can only pick the game once, but you can try for laughter as often as you like.

To give you an idea of what I find funny or not:
I like smart/witty stuff. My teenage years passed long ago, so offensive language and sex oriented jokes will likely bore me to death ( no offense to any teenagers, for all I know you are way more mature than I was at your age). Also, while I don't mind snarky remarks between friends I don't want to see any feelings hurt, so make sure you don't cross any lines that shouldn't be crossed if you take that route. Lastly, don't bother to link me to youtube or post funny pictures, etc. while it can be very funny, a little more creativity will be appreciated for this giveaway.

So, now the important part, the prizes ( remember you can choose one only!):
Mysterygame A, Mysterygame B, Mysterygame C, Mysterygame D, and Mysterygame E

Good luck everyone and have fun with it ;)

Mysterygame C


"In capitalism, man exploits man. But in communism - it is the other way around." - Romanian joke

Hahaha, YOU make me laught with prizes :-D

Not in, but I will try to translate a french joke in english for you. Thank you K :-)

Thank you for the giveaway, I pick mystery game D.

And now for the laughs,

FATHER WILLIAM

by: Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)

"YOU are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down-stairs!"

Not in, but thanks for giveaway.
Will post something funny later.

edit: Here you are :p
A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young
couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the
girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then
gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He
probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter
how much he ravages you.

This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us.

Be strong, honey. I love you. "

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,
and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to
find it. "

"Be strong, honey. I love you, too!"

Mysterygame B

I think this may be one of the weirder posts, but here goes:

You may well be aware my dad has been diagnosed with alzheimers - but for around four to five months (maybe more) we did not know that was the case, and could only really consider him to have 'lost his marbles'.
prior to diagnosis (and the medication) he was prone to waking up and enacting his dreams.

One night amid this, my mum awoke to discover him sat on the end of the bed with the cat swaddled in the blanket they lay across the bottom. her jewellery box was sat beside him and she then quickly noticed he had put some of the bigger rings on the cats paw, and was in the process of putting some clip-on earrings on her too.

"What the hell are ya dooin?!" She asked.

"Whut wuman?! - Am I no allowed to give her anythin?!" My dad replied with his eyes shut.

The cat then looked at my mum as if to say; "Aye - whats the damned problem?"

Mysterygame A

I'm not rly good with funny stuff but well:

You know that feeling when you go into a room, but you forget why the second you walk into it?
That's the Sims player controlling you, canceling your action.

And the old one:

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living.

The new neighbor says, "I'm a professor." The first neigbhbor then asks, "Oh yeah, what do you teach?"
"Logic," the professor reponds.
"What is that?" the neighbor inquires.
"Well, let me see if I can give you an example...you have a dog, right?"
"Yeah, that's right," neighbor #1 responds.
"And you have children too, right?" says the professor.
"Wow, right again!" exclaims the neighbor.
"So, then you must be married and that would make you a heterosexual, right?'' proclaims the professor.
"Unbelievable, you're absolutely correct. How do you know all this about me?"
"Well," the professor says, "I observed there was a dog house in your backyard, so you must have a dog. I also saw bicycles next to your garage, so you must have children. And if you have children, you are probably married and if your married, you are most likely heterosexual... it was all logical!"
The next afternoon, the neighbor runs into his old friend. His friend asks if he has met the new neighbor. The man says that he met him yesterday.
"What's he like?"
"Well," the man says, "he's nice and he is a professor of logic."
"Oh," says the friend, "what's logic?"
"Maybe I can give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"
"Why, no, I do not," responds the friend.
"Well, then," proclaims the man, "you must be gay!"

And thx for giveaway :)

This sad face in your avatar will be so hard to cheer... Isn't helping.

I will give a go to mysterygame E

Thanks a lot for the giveaway

And for the laugh : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oY6tCnu-1Do

Do you know how they make powdered milk in Albania ? They throw the cow from the plane.

not entering, but +1 K_1269 for your continued generosity

u just made my night, with the choices lol :D
so if they land in a beer making factory - i guess they end up scrapping the barrel !!!

:)

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Ukranian are on a desert island. They find a lamp, rub it, and a genie pops out. He says, "Because there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish!"

The Frenchman says, "I wish I were sitting outside at a Parisian cafe with a beautiful woman, speaking of philosophy and enjoying good wine."

Poof! He is gone.

The Italian says, "I wish I were in the hills of Northern Italy, on outside behind my family villa, eating dinner with all my family, enjoying the sight of the sun going down over the mountains and singing the songs of my youth."

Poof! He is gone.

The genie then turns to the Ukranian and asks him to wish. The Ukranian looks the genie in the eye seriously and says, "I wish my neighbor's cow was dead!"


I am in for Mystery Game B, please.

Mystery Game A!

Dilbert quotes:
- A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
- Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
- If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Laugh? ...Attaxhedis an amusing family friendly photobomb.

So, a baby seal walks into a club...

;)

Thanks for the giveaway! I'll try for Mystery Game B, please.