CarrionCrow: Sometimes you need that level of distance in order to process awfulness on your own, in your own way, so you can approach something resembling a working quasi-peace in your own head.
She's not feeling exactly the same as you, and you aren't feeling exactly the same on all levels as her.
Humans don't work that way. So the space to come to grips with things on your own terms can be a good thing.
The possible alternative is one or both of you feeling frustrated and powerless that you don't know the exact thing, or sequence of things, to make someone you love feel better.
It's also an indicator of the degree of care you have for each other that the distance is present at times. You don't want to cause her additional residual pain, and she's thinking the same thing.
It doesn't surprise me to hear that it feels off sometimes. Despair, misery and pain do a fantastic job of fucking up someone's head. Also, you and your wife are partners, but neither one of you have a magic wand to make those moments somehow utterly insulated from all the bullshit you're both going through.
Thanks for your input. With a good night's sleep of distance I feel a little better. Still feel drained and tired, but at least right now I think I can manage to be some help to her.
superstande: Hi,
I don't mind your venting.
So sorry to hear life continues to be a hard struggle.
Perhaps the change of scenery will bring about positive things.
When my wife got really sick (over 2 years ago, and she's better now), it was also draining. What makes it worse, is if in the long run I have to dwell on this stuff constantly, and we can both make a routine of the misery. It was a bit like that. And I guess it sort of just can happen. I also drank, went away with my friends for a weekend, sometimes stayed half a day with my father or my brother... Anything to distract me enough and give me some joy of life, and then.... The misery was there less and less. Of course for me and my wife, nobody died, so it was just a mental struggle - but there was a time we didn't know if she was going to survive it.
I hope life will treat you and your family to something joyful very soon!
You deserve it!
Thanks for your reply. I think I have to find a balance of being there for my wife and on the other hand find some time for myself to "recharge batteries".