Two fish swim right into a wall…
One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Take any whole number, 1 for instance. Add 50%. The new total is 1.5, but the new total is only 1/3 larger than the original number

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

Breaking the law in a "specific and limited" way. ^_^

My flat earther friend decided to prove his theory by walking to the end of the world.

In the end, he came around.

I wasn't originally planning to get a brain transplant.
But then I changed my mind.

I didn't understand at first why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Here's a couple of my favorites, one math, one music. (I did not create either of them.)

1. (An excuse for not turning in math homework) I couldn't decide whether i *is* the square root of negatinve one, or i *am* the square root of negative one.

2. Remember, folks, the bassooner the better!

(Edited because trying to put a math unicode symbol in the post will result in the remainder of the post going missing.)

Breaking News! A hole was reported in the wall of the nudist colony. Police are looking into it just now.

My beloved grandfather died very peacefully in his sleep...
...not screaming, like the passengers in the bus he was driving.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Pi R Square !

Hu uh, pie r round

cornbread r square

I'm going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, tell them I'm outstanding.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Went out, had drinks and it turns out he's a web designer.