I'm sure someone's already asked or mentioned this problem, but I'm late to the party. I found a physical copy of ToEE at the thrift store. I managed to get it installed just fine. I can get the game to start up fine and it will go through the first couple of branding ads or whatever, but then it just closes out. It won't actually launch the game. It doesn't freeze or lock up my computer like I've seen other windows 10 users mention. I've already tried running it as administrator and compatibility mode. Is the physical version just doomed?

Any advice? patches? I'm so lost here.

Try running it windowed, or with Temple+.

I've tried both. windowed didn't change the outcome any, and temple+ won't run it at all. It's like it doesn't recognize it.

Are you using any antivirus software? It could be blocking it. See if it has any alert log.
If so try adding an exception for the executable.