OK first: I've been playing RPG's for like ever since I was really young.
I got this game because it looked like Icewind Dale/Baldurs Gate which I loved.

the very first combat I get into is a couple of zombies (or something) and everyone dies!!
I'm finding the combat really difficult..is this game meant to be that hard?

I had no problems playing through Icewind Dale/Baldurs Gate, but this one is wierd..like the batttle turns, etc. I even noticed that Magic Missle and Ray of Frost barely do any damage at all!

Also: Quests.
I was in the starting town and my log shows I picked some quests, like talking to some guy to marry some lady or soemthing...well the dialogue never goes any further than just asking questions. Then there's the Inn keeper: he says some guy is cheating at gambling. so I go over and talk to the guy and you only get to play cards or play dice. How am I supposed to catch him cheating? it doesn't give any other options in the dialogue with this guY!!

help??

Yeah, it's hard. Really steep in the early parts where one hit can kill.
Bows, spells (sleep is great early on, but not against zombies, cleric and turn undead would be handy there).

Emery meadows with the zombies? You probably shouldn't be there yet, the game doesn't help with the order of things, but you can easily get to places with no chance in hell of beting before leveling up a few times..

You can get everybody leveled up in the village just doing stuff for people, but the stuff ain't all obvious. The guy cheating, you play with him a few times, maybe a dozen, then you'll probably catch him cheating and can call on that.