So it won't open properly, gives me a serious error has occurred message and closes after flashing a dark screen at me for a bit, tried per the instructions to open it in a new user account, won't open there either but now the computer believes the new user account is permanently running the program (which it isn't, and I can't Force Quit because it doesn't appear as a program that is running in either user profile). Running Maverick on a 2012 Macbook Air. Ideas?

Yes, ask the Mac people.