Just to make sure I am not crazy. There is no way to rebind the controls in-game? I can't seem to find any option to do so, even looking through .ini files.

Not an in-game one, but there is a way. Look at this post, that I have written once:
A little help regarding Combat Arts

The advantage of this tool is, that when you get used to it once, you can use it for other games or software, too.