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"Man will fly not by the strength of his wings, but by the power of his mind." -- Nikolay Zhukovsky

Are you Too Old For This Shit [tm]? Here's an autohotkey script. Install AutoHotKey, save the following as an *.ahk file, run the script as admin, disable pathfinding in the game, then press m for magic. If it fails in the middle, alt-tab to another window to offload the remaining keypresses and try again -- it might take several tries to successfully traverse the path, which just goes to show how ricockulously unfair the whole exercise is.

#NoEnv
SendMode Input
SetWorkingDir %A_ScriptDir%

m::
Send, {Up down}
Sleep 550
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 1800
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 1400
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 2250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 1000
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Return

; ============
; The second script is left as an exercise for the reader.
Post edited June 23, 2015 by Starmaker
; Just kidding, here it is.

#NoEnv
SendMode Input
SetWorkingDir %A_ScriptDir%

m::
Send, {Down down}
Sleep 800
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 1000
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 2250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 1400
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 1800
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Up down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Up up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 750
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 250
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Right down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Right up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Down up}

Send, {Left down}
Sleep 500
Send, {Left up}

Send, {Down down}
Sleep 550
Send, {Down up}

Return