I have played as a male for 5000 days (game time) to the end. The courtship was straight forward. Now I am playing as a female. I can not get my councilor (companion) to open up for a feast to calm my lords down. I have good horror and right to rule points. Do I have to marry? If yes do I have to woo him the same way I did as a male?
This is the M & B warband

Thanks again. I'll try that direct approach.

You're welcome. :)

But if you are having trouble staying in friendly terms with your lords, I found that helping them in battle is faster and more effective than spamming feasts.
Just command them to go toward an enemy lord or a large (40-50 men) group of bandits, let them start fighting and then join in. If you talk to them after the battle you will get +3 rep points for providing them good advice, on top of the rep you gained for helping them. Rinse and repeat a few times and your standing with them will improve quickly (provided you can actually win all those battles).