engarna doesn't have a personal relationship with elmal ? what does this mean , what do i do ? thanks

Is Engarna your chief (the character at the left of your councilors bar)? And Elmal your main god, maybe? If that's the case, they may be saying that it would be better for you if your chief was a devotee of Elmal (i.e. you would get more magic.). You can replace him/her (and all the other council members) with the "reorganisation" order, in the people tab.

Not an obligation, though, especially if your Elmal cultists have a low leadership and there are better candidates for chiefdom. I won a game with a Issaries merchant queen while my main god was Orlanth, simply because she was awesome (the best hero in the clan in most skills, including leadership and negotiation)

also once you've created a tribe, you can influence which of your thanes get better stat increases by building temples of the god they worship, and spending magic on heroism during sacred time. i didn't know this until i beat the full game.