ok I have been trying to figure out how to get 4.09 and everything i have read says i can get it through the GOG installer. but i have no idea how to find the installer considering i bought the game through steam and it works with hyperlobby and everything i just need to patch the game. any help is appreciated.

GOG has pre patched the version of IL2 they sell.
If you have a version of IL2 1945 that is patched to 4.08m you can get the 'official' 4.09 patch along with a skins patch here:
http://www.warbirdsofprey.org/modules.php?name=Downloads&d_op=viewdownload&cid=1
If you have questions, ask in their forums and they will be glad to help you.

I bought my game from Ubisoft and it was 4.04. I patched it to 4.08. I havn't completed the 4.09 yet, but I'll go here.
http://battlezone.webhop.net/