_Dad.
_...
_Dad!
_...
_DAD!
_...
_DAD!!!!!
_*sigh* What is it, son?
_Does "ignoring" and "ignorance" mean the same thing?
_I don't know.

Its the 4th day in a row that I have to put up with loadshedding between 14:00 and 16:30
heeheehohohaha hmmm...

On the way back from australia my wife and I stopped off in bangkok, she said she was going to do some shopping and told me to amuse myself until she returned.

I asked the porter of the hotel what was there to do around here, he informed me, that Massages were popular.

So off I went to the Massage parlour, knocked on the door and a most beauitful tai woman stood in front of me, how much for a Massage I enquired, she said £1000, I only have £200 I said

you'll have to go elsewhere she replied, I decided to catch up with my wife, later on that day as my wife and I were walking down the road, I saw the beautiful tai woman from the hotel approach us, she looked at me and said 'see that's what you get for £200!

Are you sure it was just massage? 1000 is a lot of money just for a massage.

This is a nice story!.. Almost like a happy ending in a romantical movie.
.............................................................................................................. ..................
Arrr! Why do pirates plunder GOG? They keep mistaking it for a GROG!

Very nice, but loses something in the lack of familiarity

I like this one better: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_while_John_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_had_a_better_effect_on_the_teacher

It works without using an obscure verb that no one uses otherwise.

NSFW

So a guy goes to the doctor and say DOC YA GOTTA HELP ME!
Everyday I get in the morning and fuck my wife
Then I carpool to work and co worker blows in the
I get to work and have it with the intern on the copy machine
At lunch I'm with the bosses wife in a motel 6
And then I'm back home banging the housekeeper in the ass because that's how she like it
And at night I fuck my wife again
The doctor says so whats the problem?
Guy says it hurts when I Jerk off.

- You're Pole, right?
- Not quite...
- Doesn't matter! Is polonaise is like mayonnaise, only from Poland?

It looks more funny, just wish i could fathom it, then it would be seriously funny!
So far, all we know is that the guys name is 'not' Tiger Woods!

A cop tried to stop a guy wanted for questioning but he put an egg in his shoe and...beat it.


A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

I think this could get a lot of use here if you know what I mean ;)

http://www.badum-tish.com/

Then the bar tender suddenly tried to jump on the man and then immediately apologized, "oh sorry about that, i just couldn't wait to get on the road again".

It's about the use of past perfect "he had had something" versus the simple past "he had something." ... And both James and John had used one of the two forms in some essay - and the past perfect was what the teacher wanted.

So: James had "had had" in his essay, while John had "had" in his. But "had had" was what the teacher wanted and therefore had a better effect. - Put all of these sentences into the past perfect and you get the sentence above.


But back to bar jokes. Did we already have this one:
[i]A baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "What do you want?"
The seal answers: "Anything but a canadian club!"[/i]

You're BRAVE when you come home drunk at 4 o'clock in the morning.
Your wife waits for you at home with the broom in her hand and you ask her:
Are you cleaning up or are you going to fly away?

You're COOL when you come home drunk in the middle of the night.
You smell of some parfume and have lipstick on your shirt.
You slap your wife on her a.. and tell her that she is the next.

You're EASYGOING when you come home drunk in the middle of the night.
Your wife lies in bed but you notice that she is still awake.
You grab a chair and sit yourself in front of her bed.
When she asks what you're doing you tell her that you want to sit in the first row when the theatre starts.

If you combine the phenomenon of the morning boner with the time shift you will understand that every day a gigantic penis Mexican wave goes around the globe.

In World War II the sign of the Soviet Union was the fist. The singn of the Germans was the straight arm and of the US was the victory. If you overthink that you realize that it was only a rock-paper-scissors game that escalated a bit.