So, you guys who've been around me a while or seen some of my discussion topics know I grew up with console games. Yes, I'm not a PC pure blood, I still have games I love on all manor of consoles, handholds and even different brands.

Now, we've gotten to something a little silly in this house. Myself and my brother over a period of our lives have received, console games. Lots of them, probably around 300 since the days of Nintendo Entertainment System. Him, and his girlfriend, have gotten frustrated living in this house and are moving out, and as such are deciding to move out to her family's home. Which, okay, fine, it could be good for them, or my family at least could start to patch a little when we're not getting on each others nerves so much. However, they're also packing up videogames, a lot of them, many of which were given to specifically one person and many many more that were given to both of us. Here's where distension happens.

See, somewhere down the line they decided to be hyper secretive. They don't talk about their personal lives much, don't talk about school or pets or how they are and they spend about 100% of their time in distance less than 2 feet from one another. And this continued when they started packing up games. When I asked them about it, they say to me "Oh, well we're only packing things that we know for sure belong to him (My brother)". Problem: It's a lie. So far I've found 1 game that belongs to me, 2 that can be disputed and one they said that they'd leave with me to keep, packed up in their boxes. Since the very beginning I asked them to show me, let me know and let me see and give me the chance to dispute games that might not be his, only be to be given the same line, "We know that they're his."

Obviously, it's petty mumbo jumbo squall, anything can be replaced. But a few of those games we own are worth easily $200 to replace. And with some digging I've determined for certain there's probably a few that are missing completely from the household. I'm not sure what to do in regards to this, except that I've taken a few handfuls of games and stowed them away. I've outright decided that their word is not good enough because they've either lied outright to me or they've made a mistake, and it's not worth taking them at their word anymore. I'm still willing to work this over with them, and that means pulling out every single item to be certain (Because even with games I can contest are mine, they haven't packed dozens that could still belong to them). I just don't know exactly what to do with this, but I just kinda wanted to have this out for discussion in case someone has some good ideas about how to go about this.

First of all, how old are you and how old is your brother? (mainly looking for a bit more context here) Next, do each of you want to hold onto certain games because you still play them regularly, or is this more about just laying claim to "stuff"? You're going to want to have a clear and open dialogue about this with your brother, and important part of that is understanding where you're actually coming from and just what your concerns actually are (if you don't figure this out beforehand then the situation is almost guaranteed to descend into petty bickering). Once you've figured out what it is you actually are concerned about and actually want, try to engage in an open dialogue with your brother, expressing what your interest is in the games and what your concerns are. Do your best to keep things non-accusatory. For instance, don't say "I'm concerned you're taking some games that belong to me", but rather phrase it more along the lines of "The collection is so large I want to remind myself of what all is in there and what games are going to end up where. I'd might also want to see if I can convince you to sell some of your collection to me if some of the stuff in there are games I'd really miss" (people can be much more accommodating when there's the possibility of them getting something out of it). If you're then looking through the collection and find games you believe are actually yours, say something along the lines of "Hey, when did we actually get this one?"- basically try to make him realize or admit that it's yours without the idea directly coming from yourself.

If he's particularly hard-headed about things then you may want to try to involve a mediator (probably your parents). Above all, consider how much these games are actually worth to you- in other words, if push comes to shove how much are you willing to sour your relationship with your brother over these games? Sometimes it's better to just cut your losses and take it as a lesson of who to avoid getting into situations of ambiguous ownership with.

Both of us are in our early 20's (I'm the elder of us, and trust me I'm trying to avoid fighting as much as I can). I've been going to engineering school for a while, and while I don't find much time many of these games are ones I certainly do enjoy, and do enjoy playing with what time I can find. I'd be playing these games more, but everything was moved into their room when I moved out. Most of the consoles they refused to let me take with them, to the point where I've had to get replacements for myself to own and use, and then I still couldn't enjoy them back in my school city as one TV I have doesn't have a functioning power button and may have stopped working completely, and the other didn't support the cables that these consoles use.

At this point it's a little difficult to feign something as curious questioning as they themselves have gotten irritated with me just trying to learn how they are doing personally. The mediation is not much of an option either, as the two have caused issues and distanced themselves from the rest of the family, and spats and arguments are the reason they are moving out to begin with. Meanwhile, they've about neglected the entire household in favor of letting me doing all of their cleaning and usual chores simply because I'm on break from school, and they've started up one of those easy-out low-wage college programs because they seem to have ideas of grandeur, that they'll automatically succeed and get good jobs and so forth, as well as using it as a method to avoid my father. Despite them getting irritated with me I've still given them games from Steam, including all the ones I win or ninja here on GOG, and I do end up cleaning behind the two of them simply because they won't. As far as relationships go, they've been straining it themselves and the question is if it will sever completely when they move out anyway.

Another issue is that they have taped and boxed up a number of items, which the sealed boxes are where I found one such of my own items (A game that he himself has NEVER played or shown any interest in). This is where I wonder if it's outright lie or honest mistake, and I'm trying to open up discussions without them blowing up on me. Right now my only thought is that when they get back from class tonight, I'm going to point out that I couldn't find one such game, one that my brother never had interest in, and it was neither shown up in any of the places that are games are stored, and see if that's enough to get him to admit that there could be mistakes and confusion and see if that will open up discussion. Again however, he's hot-headed and this might just infuriate him anyway.

Make a list of the games that really matter to you, and give them the list. Tell them you know you're being anal, but gaming is your hobby and so this is important to you - you're not just trying to be a pain in the ass or using the games to get a dig at them before they go. Tell them if they do find one of your games by mistake when they unpack, if they could let you know and you'll come pick it up you'd be extremely grateful. Who knows, you could get them back one day when they've calmed down and think, especially if you give them the out of packing it by mistake.

Beyond that... wish them well, offer to help them with anything they're not sure of. You're going to have to rely on their word, which means you might lose some games if they're not trustworthy. The alternative is conflict. I'm a big proponent of choosing your battles: is this fight worth it? If it is, and you're convinced that they are taking games intentionally knowing they are yours, then calmly and rationally explain that you'd never take their stuff, so why are they treating you with less respect than you would treat them? Don't lose your temper, stay on message, and don't be drawn into anything larger. If they're moving out under bad circumstances they might be spoiling for a fight... if you'd rather avoid that, try being calm and rational in the face of any attitude.

I gotta be blunt though man: it's a tough situation... I think you might end up losing some games due to mistakes, not remembering who owns what, and maybe just your brother being a douche. The games have been in his room for years, it sounds like, mixed in with his games - there might be honest confusion. You either hover over their shoulders and examine every box they pack or you have to take them at their word. Knowing which games you definitely must have is important, be willing to give up on crap games you'll never play again anyways. If you have games that were given to both of you and they're worth $200, see if either one of you intend to play it again, if not offer to sell it and split the money.

Just do not lose control of your emotions. It's MUCH harder to get what you want or come to a fair compromise once the yelling starts. Good luck man!

Ask yourself if any games they could take are worth making your relationship with your brother worse. I understand that things are already strained, but there is no reason not to hope that things can better in time. When that time comes, having less disputes between you will make it easier to reconcile.

So, I advise just giving up on the games. Don't argue at all. Don't bring it up. And don't expect any of them back ever. Do this with silent generosity as a down payment on eventual reconciliation with your brother. Down the road, having a good relationship with your brother will be worth more than all your games put together.

This probably won't make you feel any better but my brother used to just sell my games. He knew full well they weren't his and he probably wouldn't get away with it. One time when complaining about him selling some speakers of mine he felt entirely justified because he got more than I paid for it.

As has been suggested you have to balance your relationship with your brother over the physical and emotional value of the games. It sucks though.

If your brother is anything like mine, this: is the worst move you could make. All that would do is tell your brother it's perfectly fine to step all over you. I don't really have a clue on how to approach the situation, but I can say that you need to be persistent in SOME way. My brother did this all the time. I had to buy a new PS2. TWICE. I still have to rebuild my N64 collection, and GC games are ridiculously expensive to replace too. As far as games go, he is the person you want to lock everything away from, because he truly believes there is nothing that isn't his.

I have to agree, sometimes it is best not to let a brother step all over you because they will only continue to do so and feel justified. But their is a balance. Hopefully you can work something out....arghhh...families...

That is why I got married and had kids, and I only have a relationship with my mother and step-father as the rest of our family is bat shit crazy.

Physical possessions are nothing compared to family. Be the bigger man.

Hmmm... that sounds like a very tough situation. With the relationship already that strained it'll probably be very tough to resolve the situation without some degree of conflict. There are probably two ways you can take on this. On one hand you can take a hard line- be very blunt with your brother, you're concerned with him taking games that are yours and you've already found some of your games being taken despite his assurances that he's only taking his. This will probably provoke a conflict, and the best you can do is remain calm but firm in the face of it and hope that he realizes he's out of line and backs down. Best case scenario is that he backs down, you get make sure none of your games are being taken, and he's probably less likely to try to walk over you in the future, but it's still not going to do your relationship with him any favors. Worst case scenario is he doesn't back down and just continues to escalate the conflict, in which cause you're probably not going to get your games back and your relationship with him will be in particularly bad shape. The other way you can handle this is to just cut your losses- don't force the issue, just write off any games that get taken, and take precautions so that he doesn't walk over you in the future. I'd personally recommend just cutting your losses unless you're willing to risk burning bridges with your brother, but naturally you'll need to make your own judgement on the matter.

Also, as a side note, although it's good to try to maintain a decent relationship with family, in some situations it can be better to keep that relationship a distant one. If a family member doesn't value their relationship with you then trying to maintain a close relationship will often just result in them repeatedly trying to take advantage of you (or at the very least it feeling that way to you, resulting in increasing feelings of resentment- not good). Keeping a bit of distance until/unless they decide to extend an olive branch is usually the best course of action in such situations.

Maybe I'm biased because I am lucky to have a wonderful and kind elder brother, but in general I agree with this: Besides, IMHO even if your brother is seeing that as a sign that it is okay to step all over you, he's moving out of the house right? So it's not like he is going to stay in the house and step all over you all the time :-)

Anyway, hope all the best things will come between you and your brother.

Oh man I know how that goes - I have an older sister that has done nothing but caused trouble in her life and always made us, the rest of family, suffer.

You can't negotiate with them, right? I know it all to well. I would take a stealthy approach and fish out my games if possible.

If those games were so important to you that it'll start to bug you, and every time you miss them you wonder about your brother's "mistake", I think it's better if you get them back. Just tell them they made a mistake and remembered wrong who owns what and ask them to go through the games they're packing. They can't really give any good excuse not to, since you can already show them they were going to take your belongings.

My brother was always a bit lax on the subject of ownership, and when he moved out he took some of my movies. When I visited him I found them on his shelf. I simply took the ones that mattered with me and let him keep the ones I didn't care about (I can always nick them back if I want, right?). But I can see it would be more complicated with a brother who would claim they're his. I just don't think many would start an argument with a brother because he purposely wants to steal his things.
This reminds me of my childhood! Me and my brothers stole each other's stuff, and then secretly went through each other's rooms to find our own stolen stuff. That's how I found the secret porn stash.

I'm surprised no-one has mentioned anything about this.. though I suppose it isn't the topic of the question. That you felt the need to mention that implies it is a significant shift from the norm and that, to me (who knows very little about the situation!), is a massive red flag that there is something going on.

My cynical mind jumps right to a possible cause being the girlfriend. She may feel that your brother isn't providing for her or feel she has been wronged by your family and is controlling/manipulating your brother. The close proximity could be for her to keep an eye on him while she engages in a "Divide & Conquer" strategy. The secrecy and (possibly) packing your games could be mechanics to cause friction and hostility between the family members, "forcing" the brother to do what she wants (move out).

It's interesting that both times you quote them talking about the game ownership, it is from her perspective. As I said, I have far too insufficient knowledge and you may know something that makes this scenario an impossibility but if not.. it may be worth considering. A much bigger problem could be lurking here.

I wish you (and your family) the best in resolving the situation, whatever the cause may be and if I can do anything to help, just let me know.

Confront them both and demand a fair treatment of the matter that you can accept too. If this is impossible appeal to a higher authority (your parents) and tell that you feel they take advantage of you and you don't get your right. If this is impossible grab as many games as you can and don't give any of these away until the matter is settled.

A fair treatment could be that all games that were given to only one person stays with this person while all games given to you both are divided. Division could be in turns with a final round of bargaining with each other.