So, I'm cured of my schizophrenia, but where am I now when I need me?!

If I'm Polish and schizophrenic....there's a joke in there somewhere.

A schizophrenic pole? Two poles? You're a magnet?

I was thinking the old American standby of "How many Poles does it take for 'X Activity'?" You know, if I'm more than one, but only in my head.

He who farts in church, sits in own pew.

That's cheating, we've all played Shadow Warrior, and read the fortune cookies.

I braked hard, but still hit the car in front. A gorgeous blonde got out and shouted "Ram me up the arse why don't you!?"
This your honour is where the confusion began........

Agony: Not all pain is gain.

Pessimism: Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds each year trying to find it.

What's the difference between a Scottish optimist and a Scottish pessimist? The pessimist says: "Aye ... things could not possibly get any worse." The optimist replies: "Sure they could!"