With deep sadness, I noticed that our new super secret forum game is gone. You know, the one without name or title...
Now it's 404 and digital ashes. *sadface* *cry*

This did not exactly make me sad all day, but only on the spot... One of my dear friends sent me a copy of his resume and cover letter because he wanted my personal opinion on it. Like most of my friends, he is very educated. Completing a masters, even. And holds a high-salaried job. It was my pleasure to proof-read his documents and provide some feedback for him. When it was all over, I was overcome with a sudden sense of sadness, because reading his credentials and career path and education background made me realize how much I f_cked up my own life. I felt so insecure and inadequate for a full hour after that exchange. To the point that I sobbed. :(

I'm alright now. I would not dare tell any of my friends what I just experienced. Hence me posting here to a bunch of "strangers", just to get it out of my system.

Look on the bright side.....being able to post here on the net and to have the free time to do so(i.e. not having to work/scrounge/scavenge the large part of the day to make a living) makes you better off than a large fraction of people on the planet. Also even if your friend has a bunch of skills/etc on paper, that doesn't automatically make their life better than yours somehow.....so do try to cheer up a bit and look on the bright side, eh what? :)

What makes me sad, is how even supposedly great authors, sometimes do the cheap and too predictable ending to a story and thus spoil it, and often in the process end up insulting your intelligence, having their lead character(s) do something you know they wouldn't.

I often wonder whether the writer just either lost interest in the story, or lost inspiration or had some kind of mind blank, and felt they should adhere to a release schedule anyway. Very very disappointing when that happens and saddens me greatly, as it just did with my last read, a sequel to the author's supposedly most popular novel. And in this instance, it was co-written with one of his usual co-authors.

Well, just did what's probably my last purchase in the foreseeable future with GOG, a $0.99 Everspace Encounter DLC with the discount code emailed to me.

But hey, happy to finally cross something from my wishlist I guess

One of the cats passed away yesterday.

My sympathies. :( I know how much you adore your cats.

Not today, or even yesterday anymore, when you look at the time, but...

Friday I did the long practice run, 35k, to prepare for the marathon that's in a month and a half, and... Personal best of 3:18 for this run, was saying I needed 3:10 for a good shot at getting under 4h for the marathon which keeps being the (so far failed) goal each time and... 3:42, only managing to not have the worst time for such a run because in 2020 when I was really anemic and got 3:44 I basically gave up and pretty much walked some 3 km. With even the lightest jog then, this would have clearly been the worst. And I just felt dreadful, times going badly after 10k or so and everything falling apart starting pretty much exactly halfway through. By 24k or so I felt like I'd expect to feel at the end if I was to finish such a run, and then it just got worse, and things hurting that I didn't even know I had. By about 31k I was trying not to faint and one leg was just about completely done, was sort of throwing it forward and hoping it won't go all soft under me and bring me down.
I guess the only good thing is that I didn't give up, unlike three years ago, even if at that moment at about 24k I realized that with the pace I was having I had some 1:20 left, so really set myself on that "if you're going through hell, keep going" idea. But as I am now I won't even be able to finish the marathon, forget any time goals. Something sure seems wrong...

Received an email from Humble Bundle about the Bandai Namco bundle. Read it and decided to treat myself as this was the time of the year. The price is great and all the games there are ones I haven't got on steam.

But lo and behold it was not available for my region, just like ones that contain ENSLAVED 3 years ago. Geez maybe don't get my hope up by sending the promotion email in the first place Humble

still sad

My best friend is mentally in a bad place and I feel very helpless living so far away from him. :( I did propose we chat by telephone later tonight. Hope he hangs in there.

I hope they do as well, and (fwiw) will say a prayer for them.

We spoke on the phone for an hour or so. I listened, mostly. I've known him many, many years, so hearing him made me suspect he's got depression. I told him that it may be "seasonal", as in, it is February and gloomy on most days. But, he was open to the idea of seeking professional assistance should this drag on for another week. It was difficult for me to be strong for him because I wasn't feeling my best today, but I was happy to have hidden that from him and just focused on listening to him and being present.

I had to tell a friend that in terms of help, I could lead them to the water, but they had to drink.

Having to emotionally distance oneself from someone you consider a friend sucks.

(You Want To) Make a Memory
[…]
I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had
[…]
If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I’ve got a plan
You wanna make a memory?
You wanna steal a piece of time?
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines
You wanna make a memory?
[…]
Baby just breathe, there’s nowhere else tonight we should be (we should be)
We should be
[…]

+
Everybody’s Broken
[…]
When you wonder why you’re breathing
Know you’re not alone
It’s so hard to believe
What’s easier to doubt
You’re trying to hold in
What you’re dying to scream out

It’s okay to be a little broken
Everybody’s broken in this life
It’s okay to feel a little broken
Everybody’s broken
You’re alright, it’s alright
Its just life.

Take a look around
Tell me what you see
It’s who you think you are
Who you wanna be

It’s okay to be a little broken
Everybody’s broken in this life
It’s okay to feel a little broken
Everybody’s broken you’re alright
[…]

+
Seat Next To You
[…]
I wanna hear your voice whispering my name... that’s where I wanna be

Hard days, good times, blue skies, dark nights

Baby, say that you’ll take me ... wherever you’re going to
Maybe say that you’ll save me ... a seat next to you

Life is like a ferris wheel, spinnin’ around
When you get to the top it’s hard to look down
Just hang on ... we’ll make it through
Save me ... a seat next to you

When you get to the gates and the angels sing
Go to that place where the church bells ring
You know I’ll come runnin’ ... runnin’ to find you

Baby, say that you’ll take me ... wherever you’re going to
Maybe I want you to save me ... a seat next to you
A seat next to you...
A seat ... next to you...
A seat ... next to you...

[Bon Jovi (2007) Lost Highway.]

When We Were Beautiful

The world is cracked
The sky is torn
I’m hanging in, you’re holding on
We can’t pretend
That nothing’s changed
Livin’ in the shadows of the love we made

Back when we were beautiful
Before the world got small
Before we knew it all
Back when we were innocent
I wonder where it went
Let’s go back and find it

Some dreams live
Some will die
But the you in me is still alive
Now am I blessed or am I cursed?
’Cause the way we are ain’t the way we were

Back when we were beautiful
Before the world got small
before we knew it all
Back when we were innocent
I wonder where it went
Let’s go back and find it

The world is cracked
The sky is torn
So much less
Meant so much more

Back when we were beautiful
Before the world got small
Before we knew it all
Back when we were innocent
I wonder where it went
Let’s go back and find it.

[Bon Jovi (2009) The Circle.]

La Siciliana, accarezzami. Tu hai avuto la gran splendida donna dignitosa con spirito inespugnato, sprezzante pericole e sprezzantura assoluta. Finché vivrò, l’amore tra di Lei e me che farsi grande e grosso di tutti i giorni. Ricorda sempre farsi bellé piü di ogni giorni mi te.

Ti amerò cuore, mente, corpe e anima,
Senza complicazione, riserve o esitazione,
Completamente, puramente, semplicemente,
Per tutta l’eternità e l’infinito in.
Lei mi completà.

Lei è l’amore della mia vita, per sempre e sempere.

Amante mia è essanima.
The world is a lot less bright now.

Bright star! would I were steadfast as thou art—
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night,
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature’s patient sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors—
No—yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever—or else swoon to death.

[John Keats (posthumously, 1848), Bright Star.]