People are expendable and you can't make money too much without trashing the economy

Do it anyway. I know it's hard to give a crap when you're in a bad place, but you've got one life to live, live it. When you get to a more stable place you'll be grateful you're there. Think of it as like whatever rules you followed even though you didn't give a shit in Iraq, they were just the things you did. This is the same thing.

Sorry shit sucks:(

Don't quit.

It's hard for me to go out and meet people.... I've really begun to hate people since I've been stateside (even more so while single as getting laid is a powerful motivator to at least pretend to care). Yes my outlook on things is bleak (the world as a whole mind you), yes I dwell on bad shit. I'm not a great person overall. I am very much aware of my faults.

I was at a church thing last night, talked to no one, no one talked to me. A few weeks back I wrote a suicide letter and left it in the pew, no one cared to call the number I left. It's hard to pretend I give a shit when it seems like no one else in the world does.

Meh... I'll be alright, I just need to get drunk and forget.

mate, life's a bitch. But there is a simple thing I try to remember when I get in a bit of a rut.

E+R=O

Event + Reaction = Outcome

the event is 99.9% of the time outwith our control, however we CAN control how we react to it, and by choosing out reaction we can usually effect if not control the outcome.

This might seem like an odd thing to say here but it good to keep in mind.

As for pretending to give a crap to get your leg over.... women can usually see through that. Dunno if its some inbuilt thing or whatever but ive seen it happen, When I was really depressed a while i tried to pretend to care about things (not to get laid) but most women avoided me like the plague, once I started dealing with my depression and started recovering I noticed a big difference, women would actually talk and have a laugh with me rather than keep a distance incase i bit them.

Men dont seem to do the same.

maybe its a case of animal instinct, looking for someone compatible that will still be there down the line IDK. women the wonder of the world that men dont have a snowflakes chance in hell of fully understanding or predicting

Today is my judgment day..

I'm off to see the doctor, some lung specialist, concerning my health issues. After 10 months of uncertainty, it's would be nice to see some closure. I had the CT Scan on tuesday, and the results are in.

I either have lung cancer or I don't. In a few hours, I will know.

I'm so getting wasted today...

Good and bad news. Good news is that I don't have cancer, thank god for that. I can finally breathe a bit better, and even get some sleep :)

Bad news is that they don't really know what is wrong with me. The doctor said that he is now very intrigued and asked my permission to conduct more tests. So I'm some kind of medical freak now.

But thank god I don't have cancer...

Does this mean good news or bad news?

Edited the previous post to actually include something :D

I know that ageing is something that occurs whether we like it or not, but regardless I realized that I must be getting old(er) when Girlfriend suggested I buy a bicycle helmet and I didn't object to the idea. I don't know if this is a good thing.

To throw in some mild bitching, I just cleared the shower drain of all the disgusting shit that was clogging it. The biggest splat looked like a hairy slime monster that could go ahead and kill a child or a small dog if it wasn't flushed down the toilet. It looked, smelled and felt terrible and I feel filthy now, despite being squeaky clean.

I can't believe it. I think I actually managed to fracture my toe. I struck it against the table (pure accident), now it's swollen and friggin' painful. It's been like this for few hours, so something might be wrong with it.

Other thing is that I saw a man at the store today, who was exactly like my father. He had the similar voice, appearance and general look. It almost made me cry. That has never happened to me before, I never cry...

And I remembered that me and my wife haven't had a chance to have our honeymoon yet. And most likely never will. She says it's totally fine, but I don't believe her. I feel like I've betrayed her...

So yesterday was a shit day, today is even shittier. Don't even dare to think about tomorrow..

So.. I found a new place moved all my shit before the ex got home and texted her that i'd drop the key off...

She knew i'd be out as soon as i found a place..... it wasnt like I was kidding about that.....

She wants nothing to do with me anymore......

So one less person in my life that I had thought cared.....

I should have driven out to the glacier on my birthday and went for a swim, sigh, i need to catch a break in life soon....

Went to see a new customer on Tuesday. They called me in because the OEM wasn't able to solve the machine problem over the phone and subsequently passed along my name. For which I am thankful, actually, and I don't understand why they didn't instead contract me to see the customer. But anyway.

So I talk with the folks at the business and listen as they describe the problem, and also what steps they've taken to try to find its source. They've done everything right - with two other identical machines on hand, they've double-swapped everything I can think of that might cause the symptoms they describe. The problem stays on the original machine and the other keeps humming right along.

We tried a few things, no result. One problem is that it's intermittent - it might occur just once or twice per day, but it's fairly dramatic when it does occur. Not good when an axis crashes into an end-stop, so it's not something they want to simply "put up with", as you can do with some other machine problems. No symptoms to let us know that it's going to happen soon, I didn't see the operator doing anything out of the ordinary, and the machine is kept in decent shape...

So I didn't find a source for the fault or a solution. Thought I was on to something Wednesday but they called today to say it crashed again. Thankfully they're being cool and understanding about it, but we're all pretty frustrated. I have one more suggestion and after that I'm out of ideas. I really want to be able to call the OEM and tell them I found some obscure thing that's been causing it, but so far no luck.

Probably going to take all my labor off the invoice since no solution = no particular reason for them to pay for the service. Not a great way to start off with a new customer. I'll have to try to get back up there within the next week or so if my next suggestion doesn't work. This could get expensive with the travel costs involved.

Actually, I kind of see that as just the opposite. If I hired someone, and they busted their ass to fix the problem but couldn't find a solution then refuses to accept payment for attempted service? I'd probably think "This person's trustworthy and fair, I'll keep them in mind for future issues."

Yeah, that's why I'm going to leave off the labor. Of course, the best result is to find out what in the world is going on with this durn machine and get it running properly again. : ) The customer is mine to win or lose, and I intend to win them over.

I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, finally.

Yesterday I was fine. A little loopy, but not being able to eat anything but jello bugged me more then anything.

Today's been a little rougher. I've experienced pain in a few of the teeth, and I keep struggling not to cough, or sip liquids to create suction. I really want to avoid getting dry socket at any cost, but it's been hard to avoid aggravating it.

On top of that, today's my last day of school for this term, and i'm having difficulty focusing/motivating myself to do work. As you can see by my posts lately, I'm just running around babbling to people rather then doing work.

I blame the pain pills.