Granted, you will have a naked Kavin Bacon in all of your dishes.

I wish to enroll and study at Otokojuku.

Having been accepted to the school, you hear some J-Pop and get addicted to the sound, so you skip class to go watch a concert, and realize it was a test and failed.. you find that it was actually an event set up by some black market organ harvesters, and your kidneys are stolen, and then you are forced to watch http://youtu.be/vs1CA5hFdd4 over and over as you recover in the hospital.

I wish I had an endless supply of chewing gum.

Granted, your endless supply of gum drowns out all of existence.

I wish my wishes couldn't be misinterpreted, and give me exactly what I was thinking when I made the wish.

Granted. Every wish you make from now on requires you to have a psych evaluation and file a legal document signed by a notary before being granted. The the bright side, the process only takes about a month.

I wish Haiku OS had a new release.

At five-seven-five,
the newest Haiku version
is the leanest yet!

(See what I did there?)

I wish more people communicated by using poetry.

Okay I Shall do
Your Wish of Course has Come True
It's Wrong, Shame on You

I only wish to
communicate normally
Make My Wish Come True

You can communicate normally, but a virus has taken out the speach and recognition centers of the brain for all but 99.999% of the world population... You happened to be the miracullous only 0.001% after 'rounding' and none of the microbiologists are now able to fix it.

I wish that the fund a wish foundation never recieved enough funding to even fund my wish.

Done. The Fund-a-Wish foundation failed upon startup, and never even came to be.

I wish there were seedless apples.

Granted, but they are all poisonous.

I wish traffic was not so bad in my area.

Granted. Traffic doesn't exist in your area any more. Happy walking!

I wish to be able to correct errors I made in the past.

Granted but the laws of causality mean that your corrected errors had a massive effect which destroyed human kind.

I wish I had a spare pair of reading glasses

Done, you get reading glasses that are tastefully decorated with diamonds and gold. They aren't covered by your insurance.

I wish I could play the violin.

Granted you can play violin but only a custom made stratovarius (yes i know the makers dead, you can actually have them made & the ground ruby lacquer sets the price at about $400,000) and will constantly suffer 'senior moments' when trying to read sheet music.

I wish i had a ship that could go 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Granted. But is there really a point that's 111118 KM deep without entering the earth's crust or deeper?

I wish I had a spaceplane that ran on cheap fuel along with a licence and knowledge of how to fly.

Granted but that cheap fuel only originates on a distant uninhabited planet with an extremely high gravity; it's still cheap though, you could scoop it up off the surface and burn it in no worries.

I wish pay T.V. had decent shows with no ad breaks.