i know right? i swear there are days where i want to pull my family close, and never let them go.

my father-in-law died suddenly a couple of years ago from a heart attack (shocking because of the great shape he was in and his relatively youngish age - hell, we were gym bros for a while). and while i typically handle death well enough, the way my wife's grandma reacted to seeing her boy in a casket hit me like a bolt of hot lightning. after that day i knew true fear, i realized that in an instant her son (my father-in -law) could be one one of my kids, and i could be her; the worry of my family's mortality became my reality. and you know, i think about it... and i wonder sometimes if i could mentally handle a loss of one of my boys, and i think "no fucking way, just no, no no no fucking way." i frankly don't know what would become of me.

My wife obsesses a lot over the idea of this kind of thing. Losing her mother, or the end of her own life. I'm more relaxed about it somehow, even as I approach 40. Seems natural to me everything ends, enjoy it while it lasts, etc. For some though, like the wife, it's a more uneasy feeling of encroaching death. Everyone handles things differently.

One of the things I think that hurts when someone dies is regretting all the things you never said or did with them, and now it's too late. The sense that there were things left unfinished.

I don't know if this thought experiment will help any. Try closing your eyes and imagining the loved one in question was truly dead. Really truly dead. Aside from the pain of loss, are there thoughts that suddenly pop up? How you never really talked about a certain event, or never told them something you wanted to? Never took that trip or did that activity you wanted but never got around to? Now that they're gone, what do you regret never saying to them or doing with them?

After that, remember that that loved one is still alive, and there's still time to resolve those loose threads. There will always be pain when you lose someone, but you can minimize how much regret you'll feel at not having closure by taking all those things you've been putting off for another day, and doing them now.

When my mother died it was hard, but I had already said everything I wanted to say, so dealing with her death was much easier for me. Long story short, try to say what you want to everyone in your life NOW, do all things you want with them NOW, don't put them off. This way, if/when someone you love dies suddenly, you'll have an easier time recovering and moving on because you had nothing unsaid, nothing undone.

HTH

Is this supposed to be some kind of "pity party" post by the OP?

Who cares about dead people. There are SEVEN BILLION people on this planet and growing.

Waste of a topic.

If it's such a waste why are you posting in it? I think every topic has value, though you clearly demonstrate that there is such a thing as a waste of an account. Thank you OP for the reminder to value and cherish the people in your life.

I agree for the most part (and, in particular, I agree with respect to this topic), but there is the occasional topic that actually doesn't have value. The most common example of a bad topic would be a spam topic, but there was one topic where the OP went on a transphobic rant about bathrooms, and I don't think it would be appreciated if someone made a topic whose title spoiled the new Star Wars film.

On the other hand, I find that posts to the effect of "this topic doesn't have value" have no value; if you think a (ToS abiding; if you notice, the bad examples I mentioned in the previous paragraph would violate the ToS) topic has no value, I suggest you ignore it. There's one poster who I have encountered on some of the game-specific forums who doesn't seem to like discussing the actual games for some reason, and that poster has posted in such topics, and I find that annoying (and is one of the situations where I *do* press the button with a minus sign in it).

By the way, there was an earlier post in this topic similar to the one you quoted; it's gone now. (Maybe somebody reported that post?)

Who the hell would do such a thing?

Indeed. Too much shock in the beginning. I wonder if there's a correlation between post-shock grief and when people around you begin to just accept what happened move on but because they aren't directly involved it's much easier. I haven't lost anyone close to me yet but I remember thinking about it when I saw the faces of other people at my cousin's funeral particularly his close friends.

Death anxiety. I have never and hopefully never will have that, I'm more relaxed like you. I see death as a bit of a liberation from the struggles of life and such a relief it doesn't go on forever (I find the notion of immortality creepy and filled with endless boredom). Death also forces a time limitation and coerces us to prioritize what's important or at the very least avoid time wasting activities (subjectively).

Everything points to a peaceful nothingness so it might not be so bad after all. Especially considering we might live in a holo-universe and when we die, we goes back as a part of a larger consciousness.Unless, you believe in reincarnation you might be endlessly tortured :-)

Speaking of torturing, I got jehovas slaves running on my lawn the other day... perfect timing now that christmas is around the corner, right? "Let's see if we can manipulate an old naive man / woman into submission and throw money after us". Not this one...

Well, I never forget how my uncle put it so nicely, and even gift wrapped it for them; "In the devils name I will never give you a krone (dime) and get the hell out of my property!". They just replied rather enthralled: "Oh yea, we can talk about that too". O.o

I'm supporting red cross for what it's worth. At least the members are not some 'poppycocked', brainwashed minions.

It was something my mom mentioned after my stepdad passed about 4 years back. Everyone is there for a week or so but their own lives intrude on the ability to be there longer, and she said that the house is then empty and you notice all the little things: the clothes he used to wear, hobby stuff, whatever it is. At that point, I suspect one is at their lowest and most vulnerable to bad - and possibly further tragic - decisions.