It's good that you apologized at least, even if the damage you caused can't be repaired.

Do you truly believe that? I don't think I have done irreparable damage.

Well, I doubt Cadaver is ever going to play with us again. At least not for a year...

Oh. Well I don't really consider that damage - Cristigale didn't play with us for 2 years, she's okay. I took a four year break from the forum and didn't suffer.
Obviously I'd prefer Cadaver to play with us, but the decision was his, not mine, and when I talked to him about it he wouldn't reconsider. He's told me he's put the date in his diary and I've promised to still be here in a year's time to welcome him back.

...

Maybe he wasn't truthful with me about it, I don't know. I hope he is okay.

Not deleted. Just set to private.

Good, that's a relief. Sorry for bringing it up.

What the fu... I think I will rather walk away. I am mostly outsider and don't think people are interested in me stirring trouble here.
But still, the gall, SMH.

I agree that the initial "joke" reaction by some was a bit more than needed...that said, I think Joe is being very nice so far about it.

As for Cadaver, he seemed(if I may say this, and with no ill will meant) to be getting burnt out on the game(and possibly the forums as well) during that game itself. Maybe he planned to take a hiatus/break before all this talk of "forum game jokes"?

(Imo he did, and he likely would've went on break from stuff here anyways, even if others hadn't reacted to his posts in such a manner)

That said, I don't think any perceived things we see in others/etc will be fixed by accusing others of this or that, and I think we should all move on(or try to) if we can.
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Tbh I think Las/Plasma had only good intentions(or I assume such) in their mind when they posted(even if it was a bit emotionally charged, etc).....I just think some of us(even me a bit) are just misreading some things and letting some of what has been said and done get to us too strongly.

Like Cadaver(but not to such a degree) I think we should(at least temporarily) step back from this & just agree to try to get along, and not sling any more "accusations" (by anyone at anyone) if possible for the time being....for the sake of civility and whatnot. Sound good?

Please don't walk away. The last thing we need is more players deciding to leave us. Instead, I was really glad that you came back after your hiatus and hoping to be in a game with you very soon, perhaps even this one?

This.

If I may ask:

(and please don't take this the wrong way...it is me musing on the issue in general and not anyone in particular, and not said for bad reasons)

why should he or anyone have to apologize for something if they don't feel it was something wrong(or not warranting such a level of response)? Because it's seen by some as "right" to apologize for (insert subjective bad thing here)?

I think people should apologize for things they have done wrong that are objectively wrong, and/or that they feel the desire to apologize for, and not have to feel they have to apologize because it's seen as the subjective "right" thing.

And tbh that's what I seem to read in some posts here(i mean in general).....x thing is seen as bad, others agree(some likely because they agree and some likely because they want to do what others see as the "right" thing out of respect) and if someone voices an opposing opinion some have(a few times here) seemingly morally chastised them for not following what the collective sees as the "right" thing to do.

I am all for courtesy and respect and civility, but I also think most other people's stances should be respected(especially if the person is civil and well meaning when posting such) and weighed alongside the others equally, and no one should try to a.t.e./etc to get people to change their stance.....if people change it it should be up to them, imo.

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Note to all: Again I reiterate that the above is not meant to be an att*ck on anyone or seen as coming from a bad(the wrong) place....I am just musing on a slightly worrying trend I noticed as of late that i've seen elsewhere IRL and online in general and here as well(to a small degree) that bothered me and fel the need to voice some things.

The apology would be for causing a situation that was viewed by many as uncomfortable. You seem to keep expressing that everyone has the right to say whatever they want without considering how it will make others feel or that could possibly be viewed in the wrong light. Maybe someone's moral compass is skewed to being provocative and saying whatever comes to mind without regards to how it sounds to others, but in a public forum where context matters everyone should be very mindful of what they say and how it could be construed.

If something uncomfortable to someone is said and it is laughed off by others or made to seem like no big deal then it marginalizes the act and makes it something that will happen again. How is that better than someone saying they didn't like what was said and the person who did say it apologizing for upsetting them and moving on?

You are trying to make this into a "right" or "wrong" situation when that's not what it is. This is about respecting other peoples feelings on the subject. Out of respect to others if someone states that something made them uncomfortable then whatever it was should not be said again. If we can't respect one another then anger will get involved and that will lead to hurt feelings and people not wanting to play.

As Vitek says, the problem with what that player wrote has been exposed in very clear terms already. TGF has already asked not stop writing about sexual assaults and gender violence. People are free to not understanding things, or to play the contrarian. However, participating in a game involves agreeing to a social contract. If people understands the contract in very different ways, it will not work. Even worse if some players do not adhere in good faith, and consciously break rules, either written or unwritten.

You are not dealing with a vague thrend, you are not dealing with any of those silly examples. You are dealing with fellow players that are telling you that what happened was wrong. For a number of reasons, already explained. Including potential danger to the whole game in GOG. The guy who wrote all that, for some reason, instead of facing Joe's post in a straight way, resorted to misrepresentation and cheap lawyering, then added a self-centric self-victimization gesture intended to manipulate the conversation by having people begging him to not go, etc etc.

The right thing to do, if there was a clean-conscience disagreement, would have been to at least look into all those red lights and the explanations, then go back with either newfound understanding or a very good reason to keep going against what other players are respectfully asking to change in someone's conduct that they are finding very offensive. In either case, dealing with the fellow players in a fair way.

Instead, the squirming contents of that post go from misrepresentation of someone else's posts (mine) to cheap (very cheap!) lawyering to total denial. Rape jokes. So the guy prefers the label of "sexual assault jokes" maybe? Then, the admitted self-satisfying intent of the fictional character vs his allegued personal lack of arousal. Seriously? Cheap. Lawyering.

Being that vocal about considering that talk about the acts depicted to be OK or JUST A JOKE and how you do not have a problem at all with that, and how you do not want to have any kind of restriction about that kind of stuff appearing in games... despite all the concerns expressed by fellow players, then you seem to be totally missing the point of what engaging in a social activity is: You are simply saying that you are not adhering to a social contract that a sizeable portion of your prospective fellow players can live with, and that you wish that such kind of social contract is never to be adopted in future games. And people should cope with that, apparently.