Jarmo: Making choices that change the story is one, (how consequential the choices need to be, is debatable).
Leveling up and getting new skills is maybe the most widely used definition.
"
Playing a role" is another very ambiguous definition, but I like it the best anyway.
"Needs to be turn based" or "must be isometric" are just silly rules, but used anyway.
Playing a role can apply to almost any game, though. In Civilization, you play the role of a civilization. In Halo you play the role of the Master Chief, or whatever his name is. I would say playing a role doesn't necessarily require that the player be able to create his game character from scratch (because in PnP RPGs players sometimes use pre-generated characters too), but the player must have a role in determining how the character develops; the player must have some control over skill and stat progression as well as the personality and ethical outlook of the character.
Making choices is probably the most important element, but it's also the one computers are least able to handle. Even in the best cRPGs, the choices and consequences are a shadow of what a free-form PnP RPG can produce. In a regular RPG you can make your character do anything you want, and the rules are there to facilitate that. If there is no rule, you make something up.
Turn-based is traditional going back to the tabletop wargaming from which RPGs evolved. Turn-based combat, character stats, weapon damage, and a Game Master - these are all things inherited from miniatures wargaming. That said, the main purpose of simulating a role-playing game (or a wargame for that matter) on a computer is to transfer the burden of calculation to the machine. I think real-time combat can be viewed as transferring the burden of combat calculation to the machine.
Isometric isn't required, but there's a fondness for it because it simulates (and actually improves on) traditional PnP RPG gaming with figurines.
The thing to consider is that the invention of RPGs was a tremendous revolution in gaming. The elements have spread so far and wide to so many other kinds of games, a lot of them are simply taken for granted now.