been trying to play this with my friend we both have the same version but I don't get the option for "ipx direct play" on the multiplayer menu. why is this ? anyone know how to do it ?

So what happenes when you go to multiplayer, does ipx not come up as an option there? I'm confused by what you mean. You don't get the option, as in, you go to multiplayer and IPX does not come up at all, just serial and modem, or does IPX come up, but you cannot see the game your friend has hosted?

i just get the options

"winsock tcp/ip connect"
"internet dungeon watch"

and that's it :-s

I don't own DK2 from GOG, so I don't know how it is run. I assume that, since it is fairly recent, it doesn't rely on dosbox. In which case, just use TCP/IP and open the required ports for the game, which I believe is UDP 7575.

If that doesn't work, try doing the multiplayer through gameranger.

Are you playing on Vista/7? These OS' do not support IPX.

It's been a long time since I've tried, but I used to play on LAN using the TPC option. If that doesn't work for you over the net natively, try using a VPN like Hamachi.