About 4 times now I've had a poor fight and a party member has died, and I've always reloaded so that they wouldn't be dead but I sort of feel uncomfortable doing it, as though in an RP sense I'm cheating xD

Does anyone have a particular preference towards 'well if you're dead you're dead' towards their party members? Maybe between some but not others? (E.g letting Xzar die but never let Imoen die etc.)?

For me dead = dead... it's not like there are not other npc to take their place.

Unless some kind of bug was the problem i.e. a trap should have killed the attacking unit but the game engine allows the target to keep attacking... something like this is the only time I will reload.

That sounds fair. As a new player to the game I am struck with this balance between whether they 'should' have died or not. If we get ambushed and I try my best but we're overwhelmed, I can understand letting them die as it 'fits' with the idea of the situation. But if I just mess up (as I have, because I'm new) and send my mage into melee by accident and he gets 1 shot... Then I feel like I should reload xD

So far, though, I've just reloaded all the time because most deaths feel like they're me being new to the game, and not me just being overwhelmed by a powerful enemy!

I equate (dead == no reload) only when I am playing a certain role play style. After all, what is the point of having Raise Dead spells and scrolls, and temple services for resuscitation if you cannot attempt to bring them back? I always have one rule that I, personally, stick by: a reload is always OK if any of the characters that appear in BG2 get permanently chunked, ie. massively damaged without hope of being raised. These include Imoen, Jaheira, Minsc, Edwin, Viconia, Xzar.

What I find satisfying is to make gameplay rules before starting a game, and stick to them, no matter what. The rules can be anything you like, such as at character creation role the die until you get a certain number (80 for example); never rest in an indefensible location; no more than one dead member allowed per live member (for virtual carrying purposes)... those kind of rules. You can make it as hard (or easy) as you want to, but the important thing is to treat the rules as inviolable at all times.

"What I find satisfying is to make gameplay rules before starting a game, and stick to them, no matter what."

This is basically what I do. I have various house rules and SIRs that I use (Self Imposed Restrictions). I play no reload, as I think it's the only way to play, making accomplishing something all the more satisfying. For BG1 all death is permanent as people are poor and should not be able to get rez even though the game allows it. Everybody's much more powerful and wealthy in BG2 so I allow it there. Chunking is chunking though, so life is not guaranteed.

Ah the problem for me there is that I don't know (well, not without reading this for example) who is going to appear in the second game, I have NO concept of who is important and who is completely expendable. I'm not sure what kind of rule to make for myself!

It doesn't matter. If you don't know, then don't incorporate a rule like that. In fact, don't incorporate any rule that you are not comfortable with as a first time player. Remember, the game is far more satisfying if you have created the rules and general playing scenario yourself: make the game your own, it's much more fun that way.

Totally agree with imposing rules on yourself. You can save your game as often as you like (and would be well advised to do so usually) and if you want to you can just load an old save if you are not happy about something. The Raise Dead and Resurrection spells / scrolls are there for a reason, as are temples (where you can get your party members raised or resurrected for a price). It's part of the fun, though, imo, to challenge yourself and allow the possibility of permadeath, but it's entirely optional.

I allow characters to die if it is deserved, but I also reload them often. I am quite reckless player and often I don't pay attention so when someone dies because I was sight seeing and haven't noticed my group is attacked. In that case I will just reload. Or when AI kills itself. Like yesterday when I told my characters about 4 times to not chase enemy into death trap and one went there anyway. I reloaded this, but not before I murdered rest of my characters.
When I lose someone in tough fight, I usually don't reload and it's usually more satisfying. Like that time, in Durlag tower and I was not prepared for fight, when I lost 4 of my characters and the 5th one, charmed and with few hitpoints, was chasing my CHARNAME around while he was dealing with last enemies. Even when I vasically lost, it was fun to return to Nashkel, revive all and come back to Durlag Tower to get revenge on the rest of enemies. :-)

I don't allow permadeath of my chosen party, though. I decide on its composition at the start of game and I don't want to have it disturbed.
Hmm, maybe I could try it some day.

Early on your characters will be dying all the time. It seems normal to stop and load. You can't really start a new main character midway through.

After getting the rod of resurrection, dying is no longer a concern.

Ignoring the save will mean you will have to bypass some of the tougher monsters, because sometimes your spell or snare will fail.

It plays more like a solo adventure than a multiplayer game. Play multiplayer instead?

These days I generally just reload when a party member dies. I'm only still playing for the stories, which I don't think are improved by having to drag Xan back to a Temple every 5 minutes or having my selected party messed up by a permadeath. If it's been a tough fight and I don't want to reload it or have been careless and not saved for a while I tend to CTRL R characters back to life and pretend it never happened.

On the other hand, I have played No-Reload in the past and had a lot of fun doing it. Obviously then all accidents had to stand. Even the time I got Anomen chunked early in ToB and was left with Aerie as sole cleric. I really don't think I have the concentration/patience to play like that again!

In the end I figure it's a single player game, I'll play it whatever way I want to.

I don't care. If one of my characters dies, I reload. Instantly. Except if my cleric has a ressurrect spell.