I'm searching for a space combat game in which you play the commander
of a HUGE ship slugging it out.......think "Imperial Star Destroyer" size.
Fine if it gives you some other choices, but primarily just being on deck and giving
commands to the various stations, with lots of resources at your command.
I tried a Star Trek game a few years ago...there have been so many of them, and I don't remember the title. The actor who played Sulu in the original TV show did the narration.
The tutorial was HARD, and the interface had trillions to finy tiny tiny buttons. I hated it to the max.
Looking for something that puts you on deck to control a really BIG ship instead of all this "fighter jet" stuff....that's old. But.....you don't have to push every single tiny button yourself.....that's what the helmsman, communications officer, etc. are for!
Your suggestions of games that are like this are invited. Thank you.

Eve online maybe?

Well, you have PSI-5 Trading Company, which is pretty much exactly what you want.
The only trouble is that it's from 1985...
http://www.mobygames.com/game/psi-5-trading-company
http://www.lemon64.com/reviews/view.php?id=93

Nobody mentioned ( STARLORD ) - Amiga
http://www.lemonamiga.com/?mainurl=http%3A//www.lemonamiga.com/games/details.php%3Fid%3D3296
http://amr.abime.net/review_2807
Your family are Starlords of a single planet, but seek dominance of a vast space consisting of 1000 individually-ruled planets. If you are to come out on top you will have to manage resources across each of your starbases, using revenue to ensure enough fuel, food and minerals are available. Trade with other leaders and form tactical agreements.
To actually take over planets, you will have to lead your ships into space combat, which is played out in multiple-view 3D.
- It's pretty much exactly as bearcat described! , check it out

Didn't you guys read what the OP asked?
You give info on, very good but, irrelevant games. From real time strategy, to 4X to action.
I think the closest to what he is looking for (apart from the BC/UC series) is what Zeewolf suggested, PSI-5 Trading Company. The only problem is where do you even get this game today.

So? The OP is bearcat, it's not like he is gonna come back and visit the thread or mark a post as an answer, im sure he doesnt give a shit and is off happily starting a new 'i have a question/the game manual was crap' thread.
He should try a Silent Hunter game. And pretend he is in space. And that the German sailors are an exotic alien race.

Was gonna suggest Star Trek: Bridge Commander as the perfect game... but now i'm not sure if i should bother.

If you want to control huge fleets and have hundred of hours to sink, i recommend you X3 Terran Conflict.

Nexus: The jupiter incident is quite good, as is Star Trek Bridge commander (although I played that mostly from the direct control view, rather than commanding the crew.
Starshatter: The Gathering Storm is another game you may want to look at. It features space fighters and capital ships with semi-realistic physics, and does allow you to command capital ships.

It's not what Bearcat is looking for i guess, but Nexus is indeed one of those rare gems everybody should try.

Derek Smart's Battlecruiser games are quite possibly what you are looking for. You can get most (I think all, actually) of them for free on Fileplanet, but if you like the concept I suggest either buying a used copy or at least printing out the manual.
Derek Smart's idea of a tutorial is you reading the manual while you play a mission with set initial conditions. Yeah...
There are reasons to have a cheatsheet handy, but it is also largely a matter of clicking through a gui and the like to "issue commands" to your officers.

DEREK SMART! Battlecruiser 2.0 !!!!!!!!
YEAH BABY YEAH!
Seriously though, he is a wasted talent. Take the "wasted" as you want it. So many games and all of them with the same problems because he is a control freak.
I still like him, but I wish he would step back and let others do his games while he just provides inspiration or something.
I started a new game of Starflight last night. What a game, after all these years.

DEREK SMART
DEREK SMART
DEREK SMART
oh shi....