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coxdr: After all that has happened I feel much the same
also no offense taken
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monkeydelarge: I think you should try to convince your father to just give your mother what she wants. We live in a society where women have more power than men... He is fighting a battle he can't win I think. And even if he does win, it will be Pyrrhic victory for him.
Well might I interject that you don't know all the details, monkeydelarge, so submitting that "women have ALL the power " might be a bit of an overstatement on your part. To me it sounds like coxdr's mother is feeling very vulnerable money-wise - a situation that many, many women find themselves in due to contributing all their income (if they can even find work in this economy), might have zero savings to leave an unhappy (and in many cases - not saying in THIS case - abusive) relationship.

Yes, it's pretty clear coxdr's mother is not behaving in the most grown-up manner here but she may plenty of reasons why she's acting this way and trust me, if she had ALL the power, this would not be the case.

So please, I am asking you to consider your words and please don't place women in some category that denigrates them. In a marriage it takes two to tango - this situation did not develop overnight and both parties need to take 100% responsibility for how it has come to be the way it is...

Instead, let's just try to be here for coxdr as a supportive force for good without turning a rough time for him in to some kind of political statement.

Thanks for listening with an open mind ;-)
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carnival73: Sounds like mom is building up an escape fund.

And dad is a bit miffed about it.

Dad needs to just let her go

And mom needs to stop lying to the PD.

You can only hang back and wait out which way the storms of Fate blow your ship.

I guarantee it won't lead to anything that you can't handle and next year this time, no matter if your parents are still together or not, the situation for you will be no better or worse than it is now.

That's life in a nutshell - Tedium always threatening to become Tragedy but just panning back down to Tedium again once the smoke clears.
I would agree with this but there is one flaw. That morning after learning the item sold my dad was telling me how he was thinking of just giving her all that money for her to get her own place and get out of his hair. He just got angry when he learned that she took the money without ever saying a word to him. She never knew about that morning conversation so that just makes the whole situation more depressing.
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monkeydelarge: I think you should try to convince your father to just give your mother what she wants. We live in a society where women have more power than men... He is fighting a battle he can't win I think. And even if he does win, it will be Pyrrhic victory for him.
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Momo1991: Well might I interject that you don't know all the details, monkeydelarge, so submitting that "women have ALL the power " might be a bit of an overstatement on your part. To me it sounds like coxdr's mother is feeling very vulnerable money-wise - a situation that many, many women find themselves in due to contributing all their income (if they can even find work in this economy), might have zero savings to leave an unhappy (and in many cases - not saying in THIS case - abusive) relationship.

Yes, it's pretty clear coxdr's mother is not behaving in the most grown-up manner here but she may plenty of reasons why she's acting this way and trust me, if she had ALL the power, this would not be the case.

So please, I am asking you to consider your words and please don't place women in some category that denigrates them. In a marriage it takes two to tango - this situation did not develop overnight and both parties need to take 100% responsibility for how it has come to be the way it is...

Instead, let's just try to be here for coxdr as a supportive force for good without turning a rough time for him in to some kind of political statement.

Thanks for listening with an open mind ;-)
I think you may have the feeling vulnerable about money thing right. I just think she is going the wrong way with it. as I said in another post. I have no problem with here goal just how she is going for it.
Post edited May 05, 2014 by coxdr
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carnival73: Sounds like mom is building up an escape fund.

And dad is a bit miffed about it.

Dad needs to just let her go

And mom needs to stop lying to the PD.

You can only hang back and wait out which way the storms of Fate blow your ship.

I guarantee it won't lead to anything that you can't handle and next year this time, no matter if your parents are still together or not, the situation for you will be no better or worse than it is now.

That's life in a nutshell - Tedium always threatening to become Tragedy but just panning back down to Tedium again once the smoke clears.
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coxdr: I would agree with this but there is one flaw. That morning after learning the item sold my dad was telling me how he was thinking of just giving her all that money for her to get her own place and get out of his hair. He just got angry when he learned that she took the money without ever saying a word to him. She never knew about that morning conversation so that just makes the whole situation more depressing.
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I can understand his frustration. This happens a lot in relationships. The females tend to have more of safety net then the males do but sometimes it is the male parent planning escape.

Mid-life crisis mostly: Parents are at the age where they're starting to realize they didn't "Live it up" when they were younger and as death grows closer and closer it really eats at them - like the Cheap Trick song "Surrender."

Nothing to do with you but it does sound like dad is more reliable and this type of situation is status quote for most families nowadays.

People of my generation (and the one right before it) rushed into commitment without ever getting to know themselves properly.

A couple of years from now you'll retrieve this post and think I'm psychic: No matter how events turn out you'll be ok and just faced with some other new annoying issue.

Maybe life is teaching us emotional and psychological stability for a New Game + after this life - Hence all the frustrations bucketed on us. I'm not sure, really - Even if not it's still good practice to learn how to keep your cool and cold.
Post edited May 05, 2014 by carnival73
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monkeydelarge: I think you should try to convince your father to just give your mother what she wants. We live in a society where women have more power than men... He is fighting a battle he can't win I think. And even if he does win, it will be Pyrrhic victory for him.
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Momo1991: Well might I interject that you don't know all the details, monkeydelarge, so submitting that "women have ALL the power " might be a bit of an overstatement on your part. To me it sounds like coxdr's mother is feeling very vulnerable money-wise - a situation that many, many women find themselves in due to contributing all their income (if they can even find work in this economy), might have zero savings to leave an unhappy (and in many cases - not saying in THIS case - abusive) relationship.

Yes, it's pretty clear coxdr's mother is not behaving in the most grown-up manner here but she may plenty of reasons why she's acting this way and trust me, if she had ALL the power, this would not be the case.

So please, I am asking you to consider your words and please don't place women in some category that denigrates them. In a marriage it takes two to tango - this situation did not develop overnight and both parties need to take 100% responsibility for how it has come to be the way it is...

Instead, let's just try to be here for coxdr as a supportive force for good without turning a rough time for him in to some kind of political statement.

Thanks for listening with an open mind ;-)
There are no good excuses for her behavior. Stealing...trying to use the police as her personal thugs...trying to destroy someone's life with a lie. No decent person would behave like that. It is as simple as that. I'm sure a lot of criminals feel vulnerable money wise too but they went too far. They crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed like coxdr's mother crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed. I think you are overreacting to my post because the only thing I said about all women is that they have more power than men in this society. That is a fact. I never said each and every women in this society is extremely powerful(powerful enough to not have to worry about money). And I don't see how my words have placed women in some category that denigrates them. I didn't say all women abuse this extra power or need this extra power. But that power is on the table for them... And being open minded is being able to entertain the thoughts of others in your head without dismissing them right away. So yes, I read your post with an open mind(like I do with 99% of posts I read) and I do not agree with most of what you have said.
Post edited May 05, 2014 by monkeydelarge
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coxdr: My computer has been bsoding near constant recently. My harddrive is making some weird noise as well. Ive tried just about everything to fix it and have ended up factory restoring it. I just did this so I don't know how well its going to work yet.
It's not the dreaded Click of Death is it? There's not a lot to do but if you haven't seen this video - or one like it - you might get an idea or two to try if the reformat didn't work. Bad news is if it *is* in fact the head actuator you're going to lose the drive in the near future. Good time to back up data and swap disks if at all possible. :/
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Momo1991: Well might I interject that you don't know all the details, monkeydelarge, so submitting that "women have ALL the power " might be a bit of an overstatement on your part. To me it sounds like coxdr's mother is feeling very vulnerable money-wise - a situation that many, many women find themselves in due to contributing all their income (if they can even find work in this economy), might have zero savings to leave an unhappy (and in many cases - not saying in THIS case - abusive) relationship.

Yes, it's pretty clear coxdr's mother is not behaving in the most grown-up manner here but she may plenty of reasons why she's acting this way and trust me, if she had ALL the power, this would not be the case.

So please, I am asking you to consider your words and please don't place women in some category that denigrates them. In a marriage it takes two to tango - this situation did not develop overnight and both parties need to take 100% responsibility for how it has come to be the way it is...

Instead, let's just try to be here for coxdr as a supportive force for good without turning a rough time for him in to some kind of political statement.

Thanks for listening with an open mind ;-)
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monkeydelarge: There are no good excuses for her behavior. No decent person would behave like that. It is as simple as that. I'm sure a lot of criminals feel vulnerable money wise too but they went too far. They crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed like coxdr's mother. I think you are overreacting to my post because the only thing I said about all women is that they have more power than men in this society. That is a fact I never said each and every women in this society is extremely powerful(powerful enough to not have to worry about money). And I don't see how my words have placed women in some category that denigrates them. I didn't say all women abuse this extra power or need this extra power. And being open minded is being able to entertain an idea in your head without right away dismissing it. So yes, I read your post with an open mind and I reject almost everything you have said.
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I think a better way of wording the advantage is not necessarily 'power' but when wifey leaves the house into town to get groceries she probably gets hit on at least twice before coming back home.

When hubby goes into town most women will make distance under suspicion he may be some sort of predator.

Given this natural fact the female in the relationship can exclaim "You know, I don't really need you. I can do much better if you don't dance my tune"

However when the male in the relationship gives ultimatum he realizes from there on out there's a good chance he won't find as close of a relationship again so he has to be emotionally ready to deal with life without any support - Both companionship support and financial support.
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monkeydelarge: There are no good excuses for her behavior. No decent person would behave like that. It is as simple as that. I'm sure a lot of criminals feel vulnerable money wise too but they went too far. They crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed like coxdr's mother. I think you are overreacting to my post because the only thing I said about all women is that they have more power than men in this society. That is a fact I never said each and every women in this society is extremely powerful(powerful enough to not have to worry about money). And I don't see how my words have placed women in some category that denigrates them. I didn't say all women abuse this extra power or need this extra power. And being open minded is being able to entertain an idea in your head without right away dismissing it. So yes, I read your post with an open mind and I reject almost everything you have said.
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carnival73: .
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I think a better way of wording the advantage is not necessarily 'power' but when wifey leaves the house into town to get groceries she probably gets hit on at least twice before coming back home.

When hubby goes into town most women will make distance under suspicion he may be some sort of predator.

Given this natural fact the female in the relationship can exclaim "You know, I don't really need you. I can do much better if you don't dance my tune"

However when the male in the relationship gives ultimatum he realizes from there on out there's a good chance he won't find as close of a relationship again so he has to be emotionally ready to deal with life without any support - Both companionship support and financial support.
I don't see what is wrong with wording the advantage, "power" because having power doesn't mean having it all. Everything comes with a price tag attached. Nothing is free. I know women have to deal with a lot of garbage, men don't have to deal with. For example, a lot of poor people envy rich and wealthy people but their lives(the lives of the rich and wealthy) are far from perfect. They have to deal with a lot of BS poor people don't have to deal with. And females need males as much as males needs females so if males in our society stopped being so insecure, they would have a bit more power than they do now. :) There are plenty of fish in the sea for almost everyone.
Post edited May 05, 2014 by monkeydelarge
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monkeydelarge: so if males in our society stopped being so insecure, they would have a bit more power than they do now. :) There are plenty of fish in the sea for almost everyone.
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Yeah, like I replied to OP dad should just 'Let her go' and not attempt to cling desperately.

What will be will be. If you have to force something to work it never will.
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monkeydelarge: so if males in our society stopped being so insecure, they would have a bit more power than they do now. :) There are plenty of fish in the sea for almost everyone.
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carnival73: .
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Yeah, like I replied to OP dad should just 'Let her go' and not attempt to cling desperately.

What will be will be. If you have to force something to work it never will.
Now I am not 100% sure about this but it seems like OP's mother is clinging to OP's father because she doesn't want to leave him without getting what she feels she deserves.
Post edited May 05, 2014 by monkeydelarge
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, coxdr. It again makes me grateful for my great parents.
I certainly hope your parents can take a step back and talk things over calmly. There is a way to get through this without drama but it starts with them talking with each other in a civil manner. As you alluded, it may be that they are both thinking the same thing but that the details are causing problems. No good way to work through those - and keep the joint business intact - without having a good talk that spells out the concerns.

As for your position, I think maybe you can offer to be the shoulder to lean on for both of them, but be clear that they need to calmly work out their differences, and that you will not be taking sides.

Best of luck.
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coxdr: My computer has been bsoding near constant recently. My harddrive is making some weird noise as well. Ive tried just about everything to fix it and have ended up factory restoring it. I just did this so I don't know how well its going to work yet.
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OneFiercePuppy: It's not the dreaded Click of Death is it? There's not a lot to do but if you haven't seen this video - or one like it - you might get an idea or two to try if the reformat didn't work. Bad news is if it *is* in fact the head actuator you're going to lose the drive in the near future. Good time to back up data and swap disks if at all possible. :/
I don't believe it is. While it does click every hour or so the real problem is it sounds like its getting louder it seems almost like something is rubbing against something else.
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coxdr: I don't believe it is. While it does click every hour or so the real problem is it sounds like its getting louder it seems almost like something is rubbing against something else.
I'd back up that hard drive regardless, and start saving up your money to purchase a new drive.
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coxdr: I don't believe it is. While it does click every hour or so the real problem is it sounds like its getting louder it seems almost like something is rubbing against something else.
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VABlitz: I'd back up that hard drive regardless, and start saving up your money to purchase a new drive.
I am going to just send it back to the manufacturer. It just bsoded after a system factory restore and I bought it like 6 or seven months ago.
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coxdr: a need to vent...
That's terrible man - so family life is horrible and you can't even turn to some gaming for a bit of relief. I've been in similar situations before, but perhaps not so severe.

Things will get better, but hang in there for now. Eventually your parents will resolve the matter (I hope), you'll have your own place so you don't have to deal with them as much, and you'll have a different computer that isn't crashing constantly. As for your aunt, just be there for her, nothing else you can do.

Just try to take it easy during crazy situations and tell yourself that everything will be okay eventually.