Hopefully this will make me feel better. If not, at least it will provide someone with some entertainment.
I decided to get a fresh start and go to college because I was seriously screwing up in university. Brand new school, brand new people, brand new start.
After a couple of months into the semester, I notice this girl in my English class and for some reason, I fall for her. I don't know how and why, I just do. Every time I see her, I would get nervous and start shaking. My heart rate would increase.
After I finally work up the courage to start and talk to her, she was kind enough to allow me to use her locker. With that, I thought I had a clear chance. I finally confess my feelings towards her, like a coward via msn. This is where the "fun" begins.
She tells me that she has had an online boyfriend for five years who just recently broke off all contact with her for a couple of months. She told me that she still loves him very much despite him breaking all contact for no reason.
I am fine with this as I understand that she already has someone and I came to realize what was killing me was the not knowing if I truly had a shot. I eventually get over her in a couple of months. (The day I confessed was the day her boyfriend sent her a text message)
Fast forward to sometime late in January. The girl tells me that she likes me. I am dumbfounded, I didn't know what to think. After thinking about it for a while, the feelings I had came rushing back and I obviously wanted to go for it but she was not so inclined. She told me that it's not going to work out and that she will end up hurting me. After a lot of talking, I started to steer her to my point of view. She told me that she needed to think it through and that she will give me an answer the next day. This is the second week of February.
The Wednesday right before valentines day, guess who decides to call her? That's right, her "ex-boyfriend". Just hearing the sound of his voice, she falls in love with him again. This is just my luck.
I should mention now that she has never met this guy ever in her life, only seen pictures and heard his voice. She hasn't even webcammed with him. I "lost" to a guy who she has never met. Fantastic.
What really pissed me off is that by next week, she has lost all "feelings" for me. She was all smiles and happy while I was there, pissed off and depressed.
The sad part is, although I hate to admit this, I still have some feelings for her. Still hoping that she would come running back to me. What the hell do I do?
Sorry for the long post, if anyone wants to share their insight, I am all ears.
