Just for fun, I have decided to review a game that does not actually exist. (If you want, feel free to post your own reviews of non-existent games in this topic.)

Anyway, here is the review:

Gameplay: The game, for the most part, is fun to play. Outside of battle, you have a gun that you can use to shoot enemies to stun them, allowing you to avoid them. Once you are in battle, however, the gun mysteriously disappears; combat consists of a bullet hell survival section, where you have to avoid the bullets until time runs out. The game isn't that difficult, particularly if you pick up the health upgrades the game throws at you. While later on, things start to get a little ridiculous, you get so much health that, even if you're bad at dodging, you can still get to the next save point.

There is, however, one part of the game that is extremely frustrating, to the point where I quit playing the game; an escort stealth section. This section, which occurs at the end of a long dungeon, far away from a save point, works like this: You enter a room and there is someone who follows you, and I use the word "follows" quite loosely, as this character tends to go off on their own sometimes. Furthermore, there are guards around, and if one of the guards sees your escort, it's an instant game over. It's not like stealth sequences in Zelda games where you are simply thrown out; it's worse, as you are sent back to the title screen and have to reload from the last save point, and that's after an annoying animation sequence. It is really a shame, as the game was great up until that point.

Graphics: The game has two distinct graphical styles. Outside of battle, the graphics are quite impressive, but it is unfortunately sometimes hard to see what's going on, and where the enemies and exits are. In battle, on the other hand, the graphics switch to an 8-bit style. While it is rather jarring, the combat graphics work rather well, as you can clearly see where your character and the bullets are, and there is very little visual noise; perfect for bullet hell dodging. (Unfortunately, the stealth escort segment uses the out-of-battle graphics.)

Music: The music is about average. The best music tracks are the boss themes, which play nicely in sync with the action that's going on.

Technical: The game seems to be decent technically. Load times are fast (except, inexplicably, the one that comes when your escort gets caught in the stealth escort section), and the game seems to be mostly bug free. There is one time during the escort stealth section where the escort managed to clip through a wall and promptly got seen (that was an incredibly frustrating moment), but that is the only glitch I noticed while playing the game.

Conclusion: This would be a great game, but unfortunately they had to put a stealth escort section into the game, which is enough to make me not recommend it, despite how good it is otherwise.

Edit: One thing I forgot to mention: There's no story to speak of, not even a reason for the stealth escort section. In fact, the game doesn't even *tell* you that you are in that section when you reach it.

To me, the game is a mess. Too many ideas, mixed together without much thought (bullet hell and stealth) and the devs ran out of budget at the stealth escort (no story and stealth escort).

In your description, the player gains no new abilities and there are not a lot of kinds of enemies, so to me, the game can get stale very quickly, especially with the dungeon setting.

Overall, I would not recommend it except to people who want to play game experiences, but I don't know many :P

Can I ask about the setting of the game and its release date ? It looks sci-fi to me and I would guess the game to be released in the beginning of the 2000s.

review a game that does not actually exist.

So THAT's the reason there was "stealth" on the gamecard?

I wanted to play a cool, infiltration/exploration/stealth game, like God-in or Lossfaced, and here I was in a linear Call-of-Honor-like action shooter, where the "infiltration" part was simply the fact that you dart-tranqued people in the back rather than shooting them in the face.
Man, talk about a let down. I dropped my controller out of sheer boredom long before I got to the stealth-escort you mentioned.

Oh, and you forgot to mention the controller support is simply horrendous.

"Good", eh? Talk about lenient reviews!

PS : BTW, the "story" was entirely contained in the manual, gold box style, including the reason for rescuing what's-his-face. But don't worry, you didn't miss anything.


;)

I don't like it. It has DRM. One star.

WTF?!?!? Just tried teh demo and it requires Direct X 11. My computer has only Direct X 7 and does not play -- awful game, wasted time let me say -- and stealth levels? hell no i wanna shoot bad dudes not be afraid of them because i wanna be the hero, other games play much better and I want my money back. how do I get refund?! 1!?! 0/10

I better play Klonks & Cattles; much better gameplay but that's not important anyways because l00k at dem graphics! like virtual reality and can load in my computer. Lots of shooting there, without boring dialogs and texts to read --such a masterpiece everyone should play it because it has also achievements and badges and stickers that you collect and trade!!!!!! super!1!!1! 10/10

ps. sorry for my english because not my mother's language!! :)

Here is my attempt of an imaginary GOG.com review:

Game is great but I didn't get a steam code. Seriously??????? they should advertise this is not for steam but some crap installer, lol. I see it was cheaper here for a reason. Never again. 1/5.

Sounds similar to: "How do I install? All I see is a weird .exe file -- I don't see any "Install" button like on Steam. What should I do??? edit: found it! You double-click on the .exe and then a new window pops that asks where it will install. Pfffft! It shouldn't be so complicated.... 1/5, terrible service."

review: I'm just here for the food!

Just give me a simple review score ! ! !

I managed to get past that stealth escort section by exploiting a glitch (this part of the game was really shoddily programmed compared to the rest), and the rest of the game was fun, until...

Before the final boss, there is a long cutscene, in which all of the game's story is *finally* explained. Unfortunately, the cutscene is rather long, unskippable, and has to be watched every time you lose to the final boss, which is significantly more difficult than the rest of the game.

It really seems like the publisher had a list of bullet points to be put in the game, and the developers just lazily put the stealth escort mission and the endgame cutscene in without thinking about it. At least the escort mission only ends when your escort dies. In the game I reviewed, the game ends when your escort is even *seen*. Basically, take the worst aspects of escort missions and combine them with the worst aspects of stealth missions and you get this mess.

(I actually deliberately made this part of the imaginary game to be something that people would find rather repulsive and horrible game design. If I were to actually make the game described, I would not include this segment, or if I did, it would be an optional joke mission without any incentive or reward.) I believe it's supposed to be released February 29, 2017. Or maybe I mixed up the date, and it's supposed to be released (ISO date format) on 2017-29-02.

Okay, my review:

The Pirahana Challenge is an indie horror game specifically made for Virtual Reality. It is a standing experience. I wouldn't call it a roguelike, but it does feature randomized content and permadeath.

When the game begins, you are standing on a small platform in the middle of the sea. The platform is well below the surface - if you're standing straight, the waterline reaches your chest. This is the games fundamental gimmick: by kneeling down you can look under the surface, gazing at another world with new dangers and opportunities. Threats above the surface can be avoided by going below, provided you can hold your breath long enough.

Despite the darkness and the fog, you can see really far. The open sea stretching out in every direction creates some solid agoraphobia. While there is supernatural elements, it mostly feels pretty realistic. There is no music, only environmental sounds.

If the you survive long enough, the sun suddenly raises in the horizont and the game is won. This has a chance of earning you a "prize", but I haven't gotten there yet.

When horror VR games gets too intense, the player will tear off his HMD. This game work this into a gimmick: Holding down the B bottom for two seconds lets you "take the HMD off" in the simulation, so that you are in an virtual apartment outside the actual game. Clever!

The graphic is bad. It looks like something from the nineties. Even worse, the bad quality isn't even consistent - some of the assets looks AAA quality. This makes the game feel pretty incompetent. However, the large amount of contents makes up for the rough edges. Using motion controllers, the player can pick up various stuff drifting by. Some of it is pretty useful too - flashlight, knife, even a fishing rod!

Sometimes the game feels a bit like a walking sim, without any walking. This is not meant as a criticism, not entirely - just hanging out in this strange environment has its own charm.

VERDICT: The price is a bit high. Also, the game sometimes feels way random. Still, it's an experience worth having.

Sounds like a horrible game which I'd never play (save points...meh).
Really weird idea though. I mean I can sort of understand when people come up with specific concepts for a game (in school I had a classmate - total asshole - who fantasized about a "Cotton manager", that is a game about plantation slavery), but why would you write a review like this???
The two different graphic styles were a nice touch though.

My quick review of Transsexual Gunslingers:

Transsexual Gunslingers is a roleplaying game made by the highly respected Polish Eurovision developer TSProjekt.

If the name sounds familiar, they were also behind the award-winning Transsexual Babysitters.

You begin the game as a hapless, if somewhat awkward, transitioning transsexual (try saying that three times quickly with your mouth full).

You wander and trawl the bleak streets of TrannyTown, selling yourself so you can afford gender reassignment surgery.

With each surgery you progress a level until you become a super transsexual gunslinger.

Unfortunately, one of the operations goes wrong and you morph into a teenage mutant super trannsexual gunslinger.

TSProjekt did an incredible job with the surgery cut scenes, HDR and supersampling really come into their own here.

I highly recommend playing this game with the lights out and doors locked.

Gameplay: 5

Graphics: 5

Story: 5