When you're invited to a wedding ceremony, you should congratulate the couple and their families, wishing them happiness, not stealing the groom.

Harsh but fair, but it just wouldn't be complete without showing them a documentary about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

And Juliet Landau.

Do you realize how dangerous it would be for a man to bathe with Ms. Finger-chopper?

Why would you want to bathe with him?
Yes of course. She could use the lathe to chop fingers.

Yeah, what funky stuff did she get into?

To think, she blamed the dog who is too small to even leave it.

That would actually make the dog smell good though, until the meat rots, and then it would smell like the inside of a taxi cab with a pine air freshener.

Sounds like a bad case of morning wood. Is that why the log is beside you? Let me out of the taxi.

Thank you; I like my suitcase made of chopped-off dicks, and I think it goes well with my labia vest. There's eggnog inside of me, but that's not the reason; the reason is because I drank it, because I like it. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of chances to take your revenge against the taxidermist for stuffing your dead mother with such a dumb expression on her face.

Now I'm curious. What's your bed cover is made of?

Women.

Cooked or uncooked? Cooked ramen may go bad in less than a day.

This is a technique for melting snow: first you take a corpse and role it in cloves, then glue it to the back of a horse, which you then slap, so that as the horse runs away the body spills cloves on the ground, and that somehow melts the snow.