Granted, but I get to watch.
I wish my Mac gets here soon.

Granted! But it comes preloaded with Windows 3.1...

I wish to have my face transplanted with a Baboons ass cheeks.

Granted. Your face is gifted with the buttocks of a female baboon in heat. You are also locked in a cage with 100 sexually frustrated male baboons.

I wish the hills were alive with the sound of music.

Granted, but I misheard(read?) you, so you have the gaming skillz of Barbara Bush :)

I wish I had a dollar for every brain I didn't have!

Granted. Unfortunately, the world is merely a figment of your imagination. You have a dollar for every brain there is to have minus one, for a grand total of $0. Enjoy your poverty, you bloody masochist.

I wish Jumanji was real.

Granted, but you lose and the hunter Van Pelt shoots you dead.

I wish I was a good dancer.

Granted, but you can never stop dancing.

I wish I was rich and famous.

Granted, but you gain your fame and fortune through evil deeds; as a result, the people grow to despise you and you end up getting killed.

I wish I was a wizard.

Granted, but you will be burnt for being a witch in a matter of a day.

I wish for eternal happiness

Granted, but without sadness, your life can not truly know happiness sinking you into a state of melancholic depression, ending in suicide.

I wish for a pony.

granted but the pony is retarded and gets hit by a truck less than an hour after getting it home.

I wish alcohol had no side effects the next day

Granted, you get a hangover immediately, rather than the next day (though it will probably last that long)

I wish I could be a James Bond villain.

Granted but you'll be mocked for the rest of your life for being called Pussy Galore

I wish my dog could talk to me rather than snorting all the time

Granted. His favorite subject matters include poo, eating poo, eating vomit, sniffing butts and licking his crotch. You really walked into that one.

I wish for a better wish to corrupt.