So, I’m 10 years into my career as a software developer and just found out that I actually don’t like software development. So much, in fact, that it is ruining me at the place I work, which is as great a place, team and project to work as I ever could wish for.

I decided to start this thread as a means to let out my frustration and review my history. And also hear opinions from people who aren’t my psychologist or my closest friends.

Back in 2001, I was trying to choose a college and course to go through, and I had a strong inclination towards Computer Science or Computer Engineering, mostly because I was interested in game development. There weren’t any courses in the specific subject of game development at the time here in Brazil, but they started popping up a few years later.

Anyway, I let my father slightly push me into taking a course in Electrical Engineering focused mostly in Telecommunications, though there was some software development to learn in it as well. I ended up taking a few opportunities to focus on that (software development) through my college years and, finally, mid 2006, my last year in college, I got an internship as a programmer in a project at Unicamp.

(Also, of note, is that I don’t regret my time at college or taking that specific course. It was interesting, though, ultimately, something I never wanted to work with)

The Unicamp project also enabled me to start a mastery course, this time, in computer engineering specifically. By this time I had become disillusioned from game development mostly due to reading on magazines how it was entirely based around working your ass to the ground and being awfully paid. I also had met a friend who tried that experience first hand and could confirm its awfulness.

I took from 2007 to 2010 to finish the mastery course (mostly due to my work at the lab being completely unrelated to my thesis work and, now thinking in retrospect, not really liking the subject at all).

Mid 2010, thanks to my thesis subject (data mining) and a college friend, I was offered a position at Telefonica. Now, I met many great fellows and many assholes there. There were good and awful times and places to be there. Let’s just say that I learned and understood the origin and reasoning behind every cliché about life as a corporate worker at Telefonica.

I spent most of my time there automating reports and building web-based control systems (so that people could keep a registry of anything they needed to track, like repair-jobs performed on sites, etc).

When I was fired, mid 2014, by an asshole whom the only thing I had in common with was the fact that neither of us knew why the fuck I was pushed into his team, I was already utterly depressed and hopeless. I knew I had to quit, but I didn’t really know where to look for a new job, nor had I the energy to do so.

(I never considered suicide, in case any of you are wondering. But I did come to understand why people are driven to it.)

That improved my life a bit and spending a few months at home doing whatever I wanted really helped. My daughter had recently been born as well, so I could enjoy being with her more.

Finally, I got into my current job.

It was a somewhat difficult start, but things eventually reshaped and got into what they are today, or rather, were at the start of the year: I was a software developer working on automating cell phone testing batteries. The team is great, the boss is as good a leader (and person) as I could ever wish for and I can’t really remember a single time we developed anything that was abandoned and not put to good use.

So it was utterly soul crushing that I couldn’t keep up.

I entered a cycle of ups and downs, usually having my boss chastise me in between. I’d be given a new task, code some of the tests and, then, progressively slow down to a crawl, losing all steam while at it. My boss subtly tried to test me with the effectively-running-the-tests side of things, but that didn’t really work out as well.

Finally, two things happened: I began treatment with a psychologist and, a few weeks later, my boss moved me into a screening team.

The screening thing consists of looking into a series of problem reports automatically generated and deciding what are real problems and what are not. It’s hard as nails to learn, but once you get a hang of it, it’s mostly repetitive, soulless work.

Somehow, I can keep up with this thing, enough to take my boss out of my neck. It was supposed to be temporary, but ultimately she told me I’d have to earn my place back with the development team otherwise I’d remain there. She did offer me the opportunities, I simply didn’t embrace them and recently she closed the doors on said opportunities (she assigned other people to the coding tasks she wanted me to perform).

This made me feel irrelevant to my team and even more discouraged. I realised I’m effectively hiding in that very repetitive, soulless work so that my boss won’t chastise me and leave me be.

On the therapy side of things, my psychologist opted to focus on my personal problems first and only about a month ago we began to focus on my professional life.

But she did tell me early on: you don’t like what you do for a living.

This stuck with me, because when I look back, I really don’t like it. And it took me 10 (15) fucking years to realise it!

I took a couple of aptitude/personality tests, and it seems that I’m really not fit for software programming or engineering at all (a shame, really, I do take pride in being an engineer).

Among my resulting possible career paths are:
* Accounting
* Administration
* Economy
* International Relations (this is the career of one my sisters, actually)
* Journalism
* Law
* Pedagogy
* Publicity and Advertising

All of these require years of study to get me into and none struck me a chord. I know how I can relate to some of them (as in how my personal habits and interests can explain to me these aptitudes in a general way), but that doesn’t really makes it easy for me to choose. I do like writing, specially fiction, but I’m yet to finish and publish something, though I have been writing a bit more regularly recently.

Anyway, that’s it. I could add a multitude of other details, but they’d add little to the overall story. For anyone who read it all: thank you for paying attention. I appreciate that.

You're not alone. I too sometimes feel that I don't belongin the software industry. But I don't know anything else. And there are things that I like about development, especially when I feel I've accomplished something. To bad my current project manager is very poor at praising success so lately I get most of my mental satisfaction from my game. But most of the time I like my job too since I almost always learn new stuff and the stress is at a minimum.

Quit your office job and join the circus. That's my advice.

I have sympathy for you. I also share this "nothing struck a chord" experience. Actually, software once did. Games still kinda do. But for the past 10 years now I've pretty much hated everything the software industry is headed towards. And yeah I've heard about how atrocious the game industry is.

In the end, I went to vocational college, learned a trade, got a job (for a little over a year) and hated it, pretty much from the start. Now I'm unemployed, which is better but still sucks because I fear the near future can just force me into yet another soul crushing shit job that makes me hate life and everything. It feels quite hopeless.

Now there's some hope that I can save myself by starting my own company, so I don't have to deal with the shit in the industry, do things my own way. But there are obvious problems. Actually there are lots of things I would like to try build and turn into a profitable product, but society isn't built in a manner that really enables me to do that; the whole thing about marketing your idea to investors is such a pain especially when you haven't been given the chance to properly develop these ideas.

So now I'm lying to myself that I can probably make a small game in a relatively short timeframe, profitable enough to pay the bills long enough to make a not-so-small, more ambitious game, and keep going that route. I don't know if I can. But I guess I'll have to try, what can I lose.

Something like basic income would be fucking great. I really do want to try building my products and see if they could be profitable. BI would let start right away.

Never hated my job and I washed dishes for a living, only the people I worked with.

It's never too late to change. I wonder however if you don't have depressive tendencies. If you do, it's not surprising that you would not feel anything striking a chord.

In relation to the change, I see some potential synergies. Both journalism and marketing might permit you to enter from an expertise angle, covering sw dev areas, rather than going through long educational / training paths. Pedagogy as well maybe, you might be a good teacher even if you don't much like doing what you teach about. Law, Econ, Accounting do require credentials I think...

In relation to striking a chord, certainly writing is not the only thing you like doing. Can you tell us more? And be specific. For example, what do you enjoy in writing fiction?

And don't think too little of yourself because of not liking your job. I suspect you might find if you ask, that many if not most of us are mercenaries. Making do because of this or that. There is value in that. Even if it is not pleasure and fullfillment.

Hi Falci, I am trying to give you a wee bit longer reply ;)

So first off, you do not like repetitive tasks????

Then forget about:

Accounting and administration....whatever position, is will always be the same.

Economy, hmmmm... sorry a really nebulous term.

Journalism, it really, really would depend. You could end up again with this problem of yours ;)

Law, that COULD be a thing, but keep in mind, the first years will be really hard, unless you are lucky and can make a name of yourself.

Pedagogy: simple question can you stand kids? Can you stand them when they are loud horrible and nasty? Can you stand trying to explain them the same thing over and over again? (negative part)
Positive: Seeing how they finally grasp something is a joy ;)

Publicity and Advertising: WTF?????? Don't get me wrong, but are you sure that this test was a real one? For working in this field you have to be crazy, a special form of crazy ;) But again, doing SW needs a certain form of craziness as well, so maybe the test was right......To say it simple, are you crazy? ;)

And don't get me wrong, but instead of paying a psychologist, why didn't you just go with friends into a bar and discussed it with them? IMHO they are just nuts and guessing......For me the problem is, it is a rather ambiguous science....Again not saying that all are bad, but quite often you just need somebody to talk too or better to say, somebody who is listening ;)

General question: How old are you? (NO need to answer, just for yourself) But do you still have the time for re-education? Do you have any dependencies?

Telefonica, yes I know them says enough.

As a suggestion, as you do seem to like new things, ever though of web page development? Maybe even as a freelance? Not sure if it would get you paid, but it might fit into your interest?

One problem is, if getting stuck into this circle it is hard to get out. And yes I can understand your boss there as well as you.

But as I mentioned before, you could do web-page development maybe beside your normal work and either getting started or just use it to get out of this while of yours......(you seem to be willing to learn new stuff)

Just my 2 cents for now

PS: Get out get a beer and relax!!!!!!!!!!!
PPS: Living in Brazil, man I hate you ;)

I'm sorry to hear that. I do hope things turn out well for you.

I feel a bit suspicious about that aptitude test, stuff like accounting will just take you to the exact same place you're in now. So I wouldn't stick too close to what it says, especially if you see anything else that might interest you.

You mentioned a daughter, so I don't know how difficult it would be on your family for you to be unemployed, and for how long. In that case I would recommend talking about International Relations with your sister, it seems different enough from your current job that it might be the change of pace you need, plus your sister could help you get a leg in the door, at least through some kind of internship.


P.S.: When you do quit your job, don't forget to yell "TÁ SAINDO DA JAULA O MONSTRO, PORRA!!!!!".

I totally feel you.

I wanted to be a doctor my whole life, ever since i was a little girl. I worked my ASS OFF in high school and university and got accepted. I spent three years there and only had one year left before i was Dr. Crewdroog.

I WAS F-ING MISERABLE. I gained weight, i didn't want to go out, I drove my fiancee away, i stopped working out, i lost interest in everything i loved. Eventually, someone took noticed and asked if I wanted a sabbatical. I said "yes" and it was the best thing I ever did.

with the time off, I realized that my whole life I spent chasing this goal that I thought was gonna ultimately make me happy in life, and truthfully, it never was going to. In the back of my head i always would say these things to myself: If I can get into a good college, I'll be happier, and then If i get into med school, I'll finally be happy, and after that Well after i graduate med school, I'll finally be happy. It never was gonna happen.

To keep myself occupied during the sabbatical, I got a part-time job at a grocery store. I fell in love with the work. It was challenging (in the higher levels of management), fast-paced and a perfect fit for my a-type, goal-oriented, crazy-pants self.

It took me almost 10 years to realize I hated my dream job/career. ...not to mention a lot of loan debt :(

Be glad you figured it out. now, you can start a new chapter (oh god that's so cliche) in your life. Some people never realize this and are miserable until the day they die.

Nailed it. Could't upvote ya more. Props to those who got dem guts to do it. I know it's hard as ball 'cause I did it -kinda, no cabin nor donkeys, just some calves here and there ;P - / -but "found" my locus amoenus, bro-, too. Dude, if both my 60+ yrs old parents did some wacky "f**k retirement let's begin from scratch" deal and now live in the middle of nowhere and they're happy as heck, why can't everybody do something similar? Way good recipe for curing these "illnesses of the soul".

I agree. It goes from one to another, it's kinda personal sometimes but I was almost in his position some years back. I've studied for more than 10 years jumping like a kangaroo from city to city; got into the top 3 colleges (USP, Unesp, Unicamp) in the country and graduated (almost twice) ... same ol' bla bla bla. I locally understand his "pain", trust me.
Was about to begin my masters or some crap like that and I was like "Nah. Not for me, nope, c y'all" and just left. That's it. Left it all behind. Later on, specific order: kids, marriage, tiny city (~2k folks) . I'm a way more, uh, polished gem now ;P

Tell me about that, pal. Been there. Hassle bound? Not me, I'm happy and it's easy and it's.. FREE! ;P BIRRRRRRLL

Its sounds like you simply aren't motivated by coding, which means that development probably isn't for you unless you can get into a specific field that you care about - healthcare is a big one. But there are several sideways moves you could make from here.

Going into development-adjacent places like testing or management is a possibility.

IT law is a big field and a good way to make money, and law degrees don't take that long. They can be very expensive, though.

You also could simply be depressed and so your lack of motivation is depression. In that case, sorting out your brain chemistry will help you figure out what motivates you. It may be that you do really like coding when you brain is sending false 'everything is awful' signals regardless of what is going on.

Damn. I'm amazed.

In Brazil it would probably be free, but he wouldn't be working and making money to support himself and his family during that time, so that could be a problem, unless his wife could be the sole provider.

I'm glad you mentioned that, depression is a possibility. The thing is that psychologists can't prescribe medicine, so she might be trying to cure with therapy alone what would need a psychiatrist and a prescription to handle.

This is only a single post from Falci, and I don't mean to diagnose him through the internet, I just think it might be good to consult some people with actual knowledge on the matter. If it's depression then explore all your options, if it's not, even better.

That's why I don't want to have a boss—I want to do things I like, not things I'm told to do.

If I run out of money at some point and have not succeeded in reaching a hermitic and autarkic state, I'll just let myself die, having led a happy life.