Posted September 10, 2016
So, I’m 10 years into my career as a software developer and just found out that I actually don’t like software development. So much, in fact, that it is ruining me at the place I work, which is as great a place, team and project to work as I ever could wish for.
I decided to start this thread as a means to let out my frustration and review my history. And also hear opinions from people who aren’t my psychologist or my closest friends.
Back in 2001, I was trying to choose a college and course to go through, and I had a strong inclination towards Computer Science or Computer Engineering, mostly because I was interested in game development. There weren’t any courses in the specific subject of game development at the time here in Brazil, but they started popping up a few years later.
Anyway, I let my father slightly push me into taking a course in Electrical Engineering focused mostly in Telecommunications, though there was some software development to learn in it as well. I ended up taking a few opportunities to focus on that (software development) through my college years and, finally, mid 2006, my last year in college, I got an internship as a programmer in a project at Unicamp.
(Also, of note, is that I don’t regret my time at college or taking that specific course. It was interesting, though, ultimately, something I never wanted to work with)
The Unicamp project also enabled me to start a mastery course, this time, in computer engineering specifically. By this time I had become disillusioned from game development mostly due to reading on magazines how it was entirely based around working your ass to the ground and being awfully paid. I also had met a friend who tried that experience first hand and could confirm its awfulness.
I took from 2007 to 2010 to finish the mastery course (mostly due to my work at the lab being completely unrelated to my thesis work and, now thinking in retrospect, not really liking the subject at all).
Mid 2010, thanks to my thesis subject (data mining) and a college friend, I was offered a position at Telefonica. Now, I met many great fellows and many assholes there. There were good and awful times and places to be there. Let’s just say that I learned and understood the origin and reasoning behind every cliché about life as a corporate worker at Telefonica.
I spent most of my time there automating reports and building web-based control systems (so that people could keep a registry of anything they needed to track, like repair-jobs performed on sites, etc).
When I was fired, mid 2014, by an asshole whom the only thing I had in common with was the fact that neither of us knew why the fuck I was pushed into his team, I was already utterly depressed and hopeless. I knew I had to quit, but I didn’t really know where to look for a new job, nor had I the energy to do so.
(I never considered suicide, in case any of you are wondering. But I did come to understand why people are driven to it.)
That improved my life a bit and spending a few months at home doing whatever I wanted really helped. My daughter had recently been born as well, so I could enjoy being with her more.
Finally, I got into my current job.
It was a somewhat difficult start, but things eventually reshaped and got into what they are today, or rather, were at the start of the year: I was a software developer working on automating cell phone testing batteries. The team is great, the boss is as good a leader (and person) as I could ever wish for and I can’t really remember a single time we developed anything that was abandoned and not put to good use.
So it was utterly soul crushing that I couldn’t keep up.
I entered a cycle of ups and downs, usually having my boss chastise me in between. I’d be given a new task, code some of the tests and, then, progressively slow down to a crawl, losing all steam while at it. My boss subtly tried to test me with the effectively-running-the-tests side of things, but that didn’t really work out as well.
Finally, two things happened: I began treatment with a psychologist and, a few weeks later, my boss moved me into a screening team.
The screening thing consists of looking into a series of problem reports automatically generated and deciding what are real problems and what are not. It’s hard as nails to learn, but once you get a hang of it, it’s mostly repetitive, soulless work.
Somehow, I can keep up with this thing, enough to take my boss out of my neck. It was supposed to be temporary, but ultimately she told me I’d have to earn my place back with the development team otherwise I’d remain there. She did offer me the opportunities, I simply didn’t embrace them and recently she closed the doors on said opportunities (she assigned other people to the coding tasks she wanted me to perform).
This made me feel irrelevant to my team and even more discouraged. I realised I’m effectively hiding in that very repetitive, soulless work so that my boss won’t chastise me and leave me be.
On the therapy side of things, my psychologist opted to focus on my personal problems first and only about a month ago we began to focus on my professional life.
But she did tell me early on: you don’t like what you do for a living.
This stuck with me, because when I look back, I really don’t like it. And it took me 10 (15) fucking years to realise it!
I took a couple of aptitude/personality tests, and it seems that I’m really not fit for software programming or engineering at all (a shame, really, I do take pride in being an engineer).
Among my resulting possible career paths are:
* Accounting
* Administration
* Economy
* International Relations (this is the career of one my sisters, actually)
* Journalism
* Law
* Pedagogy
* Publicity and Advertising
All of these require years of study to get me into and none struck me a chord. I know how I can relate to some of them (as in how my personal habits and interests can explain to me these aptitudes in a general way), but that doesn’t really makes it easy for me to choose. I do like writing, specially fiction, but I’m yet to finish and publish something, though I have been writing a bit more regularly recently.
Anyway, that’s it. I could add a multitude of other details, but they’d add little to the overall story. For anyone who read it all: thank you for paying attention. I appreciate that.
I decided to start this thread as a means to let out my frustration and review my history. And also hear opinions from people who aren’t my psychologist or my closest friends.
Back in 2001, I was trying to choose a college and course to go through, and I had a strong inclination towards Computer Science or Computer Engineering, mostly because I was interested in game development. There weren’t any courses in the specific subject of game development at the time here in Brazil, but they started popping up a few years later.
Anyway, I let my father slightly push me into taking a course in Electrical Engineering focused mostly in Telecommunications, though there was some software development to learn in it as well. I ended up taking a few opportunities to focus on that (software development) through my college years and, finally, mid 2006, my last year in college, I got an internship as a programmer in a project at Unicamp.
(Also, of note, is that I don’t regret my time at college or taking that specific course. It was interesting, though, ultimately, something I never wanted to work with)
The Unicamp project also enabled me to start a mastery course, this time, in computer engineering specifically. By this time I had become disillusioned from game development mostly due to reading on magazines how it was entirely based around working your ass to the ground and being awfully paid. I also had met a friend who tried that experience first hand and could confirm its awfulness.
I took from 2007 to 2010 to finish the mastery course (mostly due to my work at the lab being completely unrelated to my thesis work and, now thinking in retrospect, not really liking the subject at all).
Mid 2010, thanks to my thesis subject (data mining) and a college friend, I was offered a position at Telefonica. Now, I met many great fellows and many assholes there. There were good and awful times and places to be there. Let’s just say that I learned and understood the origin and reasoning behind every cliché about life as a corporate worker at Telefonica.
I spent most of my time there automating reports and building web-based control systems (so that people could keep a registry of anything they needed to track, like repair-jobs performed on sites, etc).
When I was fired, mid 2014, by an asshole whom the only thing I had in common with was the fact that neither of us knew why the fuck I was pushed into his team, I was already utterly depressed and hopeless. I knew I had to quit, but I didn’t really know where to look for a new job, nor had I the energy to do so.
(I never considered suicide, in case any of you are wondering. But I did come to understand why people are driven to it.)
That improved my life a bit and spending a few months at home doing whatever I wanted really helped. My daughter had recently been born as well, so I could enjoy being with her more.
Finally, I got into my current job.
It was a somewhat difficult start, but things eventually reshaped and got into what they are today, or rather, were at the start of the year: I was a software developer working on automating cell phone testing batteries. The team is great, the boss is as good a leader (and person) as I could ever wish for and I can’t really remember a single time we developed anything that was abandoned and not put to good use.
So it was utterly soul crushing that I couldn’t keep up.
I entered a cycle of ups and downs, usually having my boss chastise me in between. I’d be given a new task, code some of the tests and, then, progressively slow down to a crawl, losing all steam while at it. My boss subtly tried to test me with the effectively-running-the-tests side of things, but that didn’t really work out as well.
Finally, two things happened: I began treatment with a psychologist and, a few weeks later, my boss moved me into a screening team.
The screening thing consists of looking into a series of problem reports automatically generated and deciding what are real problems and what are not. It’s hard as nails to learn, but once you get a hang of it, it’s mostly repetitive, soulless work.
Somehow, I can keep up with this thing, enough to take my boss out of my neck. It was supposed to be temporary, but ultimately she told me I’d have to earn my place back with the development team otherwise I’d remain there. She did offer me the opportunities, I simply didn’t embrace them and recently she closed the doors on said opportunities (she assigned other people to the coding tasks she wanted me to perform).
This made me feel irrelevant to my team and even more discouraged. I realised I’m effectively hiding in that very repetitive, soulless work so that my boss won’t chastise me and leave me be.
On the therapy side of things, my psychologist opted to focus on my personal problems first and only about a month ago we began to focus on my professional life.
But she did tell me early on: you don’t like what you do for a living.
This stuck with me, because when I look back, I really don’t like it. And it took me 10 (15) fucking years to realise it!
I took a couple of aptitude/personality tests, and it seems that I’m really not fit for software programming or engineering at all (a shame, really, I do take pride in being an engineer).
Among my resulting possible career paths are:
* Accounting
* Administration
* Economy
* International Relations (this is the career of one my sisters, actually)
* Journalism
* Law
* Pedagogy
* Publicity and Advertising
All of these require years of study to get me into and none struck me a chord. I know how I can relate to some of them (as in how my personal habits and interests can explain to me these aptitudes in a general way), but that doesn’t really makes it easy for me to choose. I do like writing, specially fiction, but I’m yet to finish and publish something, though I have been writing a bit more regularly recently.
Anyway, that’s it. I could add a multitude of other details, but they’d add little to the overall story. For anyone who read it all: thank you for paying attention. I appreciate that.
