Posted on: September 8, 2017

NotTheOne
Games: 608 Reviews: 7
Bigger, Longer, and Better Batman
LEGO Batman 2 was originally supposed to bring together the two most popular and successful DC superheroes in a spectacular team-up. Unfortunately Scooby-Doo was unavailable due to legal complications and was replaced by Superman. The odd couple of the DC Universe, Batman-Superman is one of the most oxymoronic superhero team-ups ever, after all, one of them is powerful, smart, and amazing, a veritable god amongst men, and the other one's Superman. The reason this team-up works is because Batman makes up for all the weaknesses of Superman. For example, Superman has a fatal allergy to Kryptonite, an ultra-rare substance that can only be found in supervillain gift shops and sometimes on eBay. Superman is also hyper gluten-intolerant and can be killed by a well thrown muffin. Fortunately, none of the supervillains know this. Batman of course has no weaknesses. He's only slightly vulnerable to guns and knives. And sharp sticks and heavy rocks. Everyone thinks Batman wears Kryptonite underpants because Superman is a dirty alien and Batman doesn't trust him. This isn't true. He does it to protect the self-esteem of his friend. If Superman was foolish enough to use his X-Ray vision to check out the size of Batman's package he would be totally embarrassed by his own inadequacy and probably fly off into the Phantom Zone in shame, never to return. The reason why recalcitrant loner Batman is so awesome, is because of his tragic past. Born as Bruce Wayne, his parents were wealthy billionaire philanthropists who made regular fully tax-deductible donations to charity via their anonymous Panama trust fund. As founders of the "Wayne Foundation for Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Do Other Stuff Good Too," they were also extremely humble and modest. They even built the tallest skyscraper in Gotham and named it Wayne Towers to remind everyone how humble and modest they were. Sadly they were murdered in a botched robbery when Bruce was very young. As to why two wealthy individuals would want to rob a homeless peripatetic hobo remains a mystery to this day. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and turning to hookers and cocaine, young Bruce became obsessed with vigilantism and justice. However he had a strict credo against killing and felt that all criminals could be reformed, even the hardened psychotic ones. One day after attending PAX, he had an epiphany. Perhaps he could reform criminals by scaring them straight. He also realised that what really terrified people to the core of their souls was bad cosplay. However, becoming obese and dressing as Lara Croft was not a realistic option. Dressing as a bat was the next best thing. Because Superman wants to be more like Batman, he also conveniently has a tragic past. His real name is Kal-Fail and although raised by humans, he is really an alien from the planet Krapton. The Kraptonians were a highly intelligent and advanced race that somehow managed to blow up their own planet in an event known as the "Great Fuster Cluck". Superman named his alter-ego Cluck Fuster Kent in memory of this event. Superman's real dad Kal-Zone tried to warn everyone but nobody trusted him because he looked like choleric phone-throwing New Zealander Russell Crowe. Superman only survived the catastrophe because his parents were bastards. They really hated him and sent him on a one-way trip to Earth, one of the worst places in the universe. Even episodes of Hanna Montana didn't deter them from this lunacy. Naturally Batman and Superman don't always work alone, but are part of a crime-fighting bowling club named the Justice League. All members of the Justice League have wonderful powers that rival even those of Superman (but not Batman). Fortunately for fans, some of the more notable members of the Justice League like Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Cyborg and Martian Manhater become playable characters towards the end of the game. Flash, also known as "The Fastest Man Alive," gets his superpowers and reputation from being very fast. Testimonials from his numerous disgruntled ex-girlfriends confirm that he's entirely deserving of his unflattering sobriquet. Nobody is sure exactly how he uses this talent for crime-fighting, and nobody really wants to know, but it works. Wonder Woman is named after the enchanted Wonder Bra that she wears. It has the uncanny power to hypnotise men sending them into a vacuous drooling stupor. Also voted the "#1 Superhero I want to be caught by" in Supervillain Monthly five years running. Green Lantern derives his power from bad poetry. Before he fights, he recites a poem about the brightest day and the darkest night, the birds and the bees, and what not. While his opponent is trying to work out whether it's some kind of magic haiku or maybe a clever pickup line, he runs up and kicks them in the bread basket. It's a technique so effective it's been used by the Guardians of the Universe to keep the peace for thousands of years. Cyborg as his name implies, is half-man and half-machine, deriving his superpowers from an accident involving superglue and a washing machine. Now all he wants to do is clean up crime. Just don't ask him where his USB port is. Martian Manhater is possibly the most controversial member of the Justice League. A feminist alien cougar from Mars, also sometimes known as Left-Wing Liberal Chick, she gets her superpowers from getting people all riled up over gender inequality. LEGO Batman 2 is a vast improvement over LEGO Batman, with better visuals and dynamic split screen for co-op mode. The plot is your typical buddy superhero melodrama spiced with irreverent comedy. Humourous banter during cutscenes accentuate the friendly rivalry between Batman and Superman, playing the slightly dysfunctional but successful relationship to good effect. The addition of voice acting also greatly enhances the storytelling with Batman voiced competently by Troy Baker instead of the inimitable Kevin Conroy. The most significant enhancement to gameplay is the open-world LEGO rendition of Gotham City that is impressive in both scope and detail. The entire city is quite large, even containing a zoo, and an amusement park with working rides. Although there are fast travel points to expedite travel, it's definitely more fun to walk, drive or fly. Unlike it's squeaky clean counterpart Metropolis, Gotham is a dark gritty city, ensnared in a preternatural perpetual twilight. Supervillain henchmen prowl the streets waiting for vigilante justice to be meted out upon them, and the city itself is replete with puzzles and challenges to complete. As with the prequel, this game is better with a co-op partner than solo. I had the opportunity to test this with a 4-year old co-op partner whose favourite activity is flying around Gotham as Superman; even though I helpfully suggested many times that Batman is a far better character. Having completed the game to 100%, LEGO Batman 2 is definitely bigger, longer and better than it's predecessor, and gets another two thumbs up from Batman and jaywalking Robin.
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