So after a few days with the game i have a modlist and load order that works well on my machine. FPS is around 30-40. Machine details:
i5 3350P @ 3.10GHz
8 GB Ram
2 GB Nvidia GTX 750 Ti
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The list below is in the load order i gave it as outlined in the OP (using numbers preceding the mod name etc):
Asteroid Hits - by Lo2K
Asteroid Fields (Iron version) - by Lo2K, removes thamium from asteroids and replaces that with iron, for a harder game - (edit: note the less Asteroids mod does not function properly with these mods)
Resources Underground - makes your scanner a vital tool to find resources, no more towers of gold/aluminium etc on the surface (well much less often, rare indeed). Now you NEED those grenades to blow down to the resources, or maybe find the tip on the surface to mine down into. You seem to get less of the resource as well, but overall a good game improvement mod. I place it quite early in my mod list (currently just after Iron Asteroid Fields).
Explorer Reward x5 - not sure who this is by (NMS modders have a bad habit of not including a readme with their files for the most part!) or where it now is as i have not been able to find it on either of the mod sites just now! Basically it gives a bigger cash reward for completing to 100% the flora and fauna search.
EDIT: I found where i got it from! It was a tweak by TinyLittleBits to X3n0m0rph's 'Profession Explorer' mod. It reduced that main mods pay out to x5 instead of x10. I find this version a bit more balanced and here is the link (you can still get it in the discussion about the mod on the Nexus download page):
http://www32.zippyshare.com/v/tp2Upc3O/file.html Milestone Pacing Fix - by SweetDaggerfall. Fixes the milestone achieved spam issue.
Reduced Launch Cost (25 version) - by Lexman6, with Low Flight and liking to explore planets the default cost of materials when taking off was a little too much i felt. This version feels about right if you like to land and take off as much as i do.
Busier Space - by Decky Doodles. Space is less empty of other craft now, without being too busy.
Disable Black Bars - by JustRuthless, makes a really nice difference to those 'achievement' moments. You still get the icons and text telling you what took place, just not the distracting 'zooming' effect of the black bars. It would be perfect if it also let you keep control during the events, but that is maybe for a later version?
Fast Actions - by Shadwar, one of my essential mods to make the game feel more like a PC game and less a PS4 port!
No More Blue Tutorial Hints - by CrimsonAegis, this might break my game for me at some point, but as this is just my early go at NMS i do not care so much. Why can we not toggle these message spam in game? Until we can this is my solution.
Steady Cam - by Rhesus_TOR. I sort of just want the standing idle movement gone, as it gives the game weird graphic movement that highlights the aliasing. Still this removes/reduces a bunch of other stuff as well and fits pretty seamlessly into my mod list.
SpeedWalkRun - from the No Man's Sky Expedition Mods by DarkM1. I just use the speed walk/run version.
Exosuit voicepack (female) by Eleanor - by RRaymoNDD
More Ships Per System (40 version) - by Rhesus_TOR
Smaller Debris - by Decky Doodles, not all mined resources fly at your face in huge blobs, many of them are much smaller particles now. nice.
No Speed Lines and Particles in Space - by ScottATaylor, adds to the realism of space flight.
No Strangely Shaped Heavy Air Particles - by ScotATaylor, gets rid of the weird looking lines that float around everywhere, while keeping the other particle effects.
Spaceflight Overhaul - by 03woodm, this has replaced the awesome Low Flight mod in my list. It offers the same functionality as Low Flight (on planet) AND a HUGE improvement to the way spaceflight feels. You have some inertia now, you can drift in one direction while facing another etc. A very different (and improved) feel from game default.
Bigger Creature Icons - by Decky Doodles
Half Sized (default) Icons - by SweetDaggerfall, a new icon pack i like, keeps the default games icons just makes them 50% smaller. Was using Less Intrusive Icons by Tiny Little Bits for this kind of thing before.
RemoveLensFlare - by PatrickJr, large reduction in that effect to make it a bit more natural imho.
Planet Sky Light (50) - this reduces that outer glow from planets by 50% In the default game setting they could look a little over obvious and unnatural.
Blue and Finer Traderoutes - by diabLo2kx, makes those lines in the sky nice and subtle, my favourite of the mods that change these lines.
Dark Warp - by Damanique, compliments the other mods i have that make space darker and less 'busy' in terms of graphical wiz-bang.
Dark Skies v1.2 - by Weezedog, no noise on the horizon and no 'extra' stuff beyond making space dark. Works well with the other mods in my list.
Realistic Storms - by UR3, packed by Dpalme. makes the weather changes more noticeable on planet.
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Cockpit Freelook - by wes47, uses a third party software to emulate a controllers second stick. Not a 'mod' in the same way as the others above (nothing goes into your PCBANKS folder for example).
It can be a bit hard to manage on the PC's mouse+keyboard setup, but finally being able to look around the cockpit like PS4 owners of NMS can do by default is great. Can be a little tricky to set up and get working (give the Vjoy.exe administrator rights etc) but totally worth it imho.
I have 20 odd mods currently, some of the heavier mods (like Big Things etc) would hit my performance too hard on my system, so those are all worth considering if you have a top end rig, but i hope this working mod list provides a good base for your own mod list building efforts :)
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Some optional ones i'm testing:
Immersive Space - by Edson. I've placed this right after Dark Skies in the mod load order. It's an experimental thing, and not supported by the mod (to run these two mods together). It adds more mist/fog to the distant landscape (which might reduce FPS by a 1-2?) which can look great. It also makes the planets in the sky appear that 'too white/foggy' looking. So i'm not 100% sure on this combination just yet. Having Dark Skies removes the horizon noise, even with the other mods like this that add that, so it might be a good combination?
Edit: Updated list and load order :) Loving it!