Either I don't get how to play it properly, or it's an April Fools joke or a troll, or the worst roguelike I've ever played.

This is what the game appears to me:
1. Take Rogue: The Adventure Game
2. Remove inventory
3. Remove leveling
4. Remove healing by resting

The only way to regain lost health is to be lucky enough to find health potions or food, which are 1 time use and regain less HP than half the monsters deal in 1 hit. Monsters end up winning through sheer attrition.

So, what am I missing here?

You're not missing anything, the game is missing balance.

Say hello to SpellForce, where your units are level 3-4 and have like 10 hit points, and the enemies' units are level 13-14 and have 200 hit points. Oh, and I shouldn't forget to say, this means that your units die if hit twice, when an enemy unit can take a dozen or more hits to die.

You mean Wall of Meat: The Game?

If you're lucky enough to find a Holy weapon, it'll randomly bless you with health or magic points after you kill a monster.

All of that is valid. But I was more amazed that they actually charge money for it.

Its a spin off. It takes elements of the genre and translates them to the casual market. There's different 'scenarios' that are something like 3 to 5 levels deep.

The game rewards dying by unlocking the tougher character classes.

Roguelike meets phone game, where finishing the scenario between train stations or reaching for the bog roll in the john is the goal, not so much building a character.

Thats the description of Desktop Dungeons, which really is a good game.

But so far, after hours of trying, the only way I've been able to clear even the first level is with the lucky find of a ring which doubled my actions - at which point I had nothing to fear from melee monsters anymore.

So what am I doing wrong?

Nothing, dying is as much the point. Like dropping your coin in a pachinko machine or buying a scratchie at the corner store. It can be less involved than the original donkey kong.

As you die you unlock new classes that are a lot like the baseline classes, but souped up. Yeah, it's a dumb system, but it's designed to give people who are bad at the game a leg up after so many deaths.

The game also really requires careful positioning and planning; if more than one monster can hit you at a time you should have held back. Bottlenecks and doorways are the absolute most important thing to use. Generally sticking to a ranged class at first helps too, because unlike most roguelikes it's far easier to play with ranged weapons than melee.

Also, since there is no XP there is no reason to seek out monsters beyond loot. If you think your loot is pretty good so far, don't bother clearing the whole floor and just try to find the ladder down right away.

But yeah, I failed over and over until I unlocked the knight, and then beat a quest on my very next try. It's a hard game though, and there's definitely not enough depth to make it interesting and it's not easy enough to make it casual. Kind of a weird way to design a game imo.

Hm... maybe I should replay Spellforce one day. I don't remember it being that brutal (I played the main game and Shadow of the Phoenix quite a few years ago).

Edit: Or maybe not, I remembered the stupid spell system in the Spellforce1 campaign that could doom you if you do not save-load with chests.

Palyed it for 5 mins died 3 times and that was that. Thank goodness it was part on Indie Royale pack with Defence Grid (which is cool btw) otherwise i would be in tears.

isn't it the point of roguelikes like this one to die regularly and often? at least, that's what i read everywhere when Dredmor came out.

Yeah, but the point of roguelikes is to also have complex mechanics, and to learn new things and tactics (as a player) as you die, and do better next time. This game relies on luck more than anything else. Not much fun.

This. There's no sense of progression. You don't think "Ah, I learned something. I think I can do better next time". You just think "Ah, I was killed almost immediately, by a creature much more powerful than me, that I had no chance of avoiding. Again. I think I'll go play something else".

I don't remember that actually happening, and I've played through the original spellforce on normal. Your units should be leveld up (as in you finding the right gems) at roughly the same pace as the enemy units gain levels.


As for Hack, Slash, Loot, I was wondernig the same thing as kalirion. The game just feels so stripped down and barren, and it does not feel like it is challenging me in a good way.