The story so far Once upon a time, there was a stormtrooper who decided to go to Starbucks for some coffee. He was greeted by the hostess who thought that he was a performance artist booked for a kids birthday party on the premises. She said, "Uh......... hello sir, what can I get for you?" "Just a regular filter coffee please" he replied, as he moved over to the only unoccupied table which, much to his annoyance, was right next to a large table with a lot of kids wearing birthday hats. Somewhere in the background, a man shouted out, "Ninja'd!" (poor AgentBirdnest :P)
The stormtrooper received his coffee, and as he was drinking it, some other stormtroopers came in to get some coffee as well. "Is that Jimmy sitting by himself over there?" one of them wondered out loud. "Can I have Hatred on GOG, Please?" said another, and the barista said, "Sorry, we sell coffee, not video games." "I know, I was a joking (hahaha)", [the stormtrooper replied.] She then, quick as a flash, draws a blaster from underneath her serving tray and shoots the stormtrooper that asked question right in the face, without the other stormtroopers or patrons uttering a single word, because they all knew he got what he deserved. Suddenly, one stormtrooper from back waved at the barista and said, "I'd like a double tall extra vanilla latte, please." "You got blood in my Venti Caramel Machiatto," said a stranger sitting at the bar. Then there was a big "Bang" and the coffee machine exploded like a Tie-Fighter! "Ummmmm we're experiencing some difficulties guys," said the barista, "so it will be a while yet before I can get your drinks ready." The remaining stormtroopers take a seat next to Jimmy, and wait for the coffee. In a flash of timesplitting parodoxia, the remaining stormtroopers get annoyed at the wait and leave without Jimmy or their orders. Jimmy drops his head, smacking it on the table, and wonders whether he should have gone to college where he could have made friends his own age. Suddenly, a genie from another dimension appears before Jimmy and says "I have no idea how I got here or what the hell happened to my lamp, but nevertheless, you may ask me to grant you three wishes." Jimmy recognizes the genie's voice immediately, and says to it, "Hey, you are that guy who says "Gooooooood morning, Tatooine!" Jimmy then said, "I wish for a double-bladed lightsaber so I can be like Darth Maul instead of a lame stormtrooper."
"What a weird dream" shouts Jimmy, waking up. Jimmy gets up, slips in the blood puddle, falls, and smacks his head on the table again, wondering once more whether he should have gone to college where he could have made friends his own age. Jimmy jumped as the "stool" he was sitting on, which he now recognized to be some kind of trunk, sprouted hundreds of legs and rumbled off after the genie, dropping in its haste the best blaster Jimmy had ever seen. Jimmy picked up the blaster and went to the shooting range so he could test it out. The target kept moving around and Jimmy kept missing until someone yelled, ''tinyE stand effin still!''. "TinyE, my old friend!", Jimmy exclaimed, "I haven't seen you in years!" TinyE angrily shakes his fist at Jimmy and opens his mouth, about to say something curmudgeonly, only to resign himself to a loud sigh as he shakes his head and slinks off. Jimmy thought to himself, "I fired twenty shots at tinyE and everyone missed, he is not only pissed off but blessed." Jimmy thought about talking it over with TinyE and reconciling with him... but first he decided to go buy some donuts, so he went over to the donut shop and the guy behind the counter said "Yeah, what do ya WANT?!!??!?!?" Jimmy replied, "Better manners for starters'", then said, ''Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?'' The guy behind the counter said, "Come on are you going to order or not?!?!?", and Jimmy said, "fine do you have any glazed donuts?", to which the counter guy quickly replied, "NO!! We're out of glazed donuts!", and then Jimmy asked, "OK do you have any jelly donuts?", and the counter guy said, "NO!! we're out of jelly donuts!", and then Jimmy asked, "Do you have any bear claws?" and then the counter guy said, "Wait a minute, I'll go check".
While Jimmy was waiting, a beautiful prince (let's just call him Prince) on [a] white horse stopped near [the] shop, looking at Jimmy with interest. Just then, the guy behind the counter returned and yelled, "NO! WE'RE OUT OF BEAR CLAWS!!!!!". "I see you need bear claws", Prince said, "I can help you to get some claws, if you will help me to find my lost brother, you look just like the right person who can help me!". Jimmy shouted for Prince to wait because Jimmy just happened to know the location of the bear claw motherload. "I'm finally going to be useful with my knowledge of The Bear Claw Motherload, and not some good-for-nothing like Mother always said," Jimmy thought. As Jimmy turns a corner he trips and falls flat on his face breaking his nose. Cursing, he starts to get up when he notices a gold coin half buried in the dirt. "God, I wish it was cheese instead", he thought, and walked away.
"Bummer, but at least I am not in Albuquerque, so things could be worse I guess", he thought and was promptly pushed away by two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. "I'm Sorta and this is my sister Surcha," they told Jimmy. "We are here to rob you," Sorta said, "Give us all your money and your blaster!". Suddenly, a Jedi Knight showed up and turned on his lightsaber so he could help Jimmy fend off the robbers, but much to his surprise, the robbers draw red lightsabers and reveal themselves to be Sith Lords.
