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General discussion (archive)What the hell is wrong with me...(32 posts)(32 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted July 06, 2013
I don't know why I'm sharing this with you guys.... ...maybe it's due to the lack of sleep during the last 48 hours or so.

The thing is, I met this girl a couple of days ago, we talked a litte... ...for like eight hours straight and had a good time. So I thought to myself: Wow, what a nice girl. Two days ago she called me at one o'clock in the morning, asking me to come over to her place. We spent the night watching movies and had a long conversation about our views on life itself and relationships. The more time we spent together talking about these things, the more obvious it became that our opinions were almost 100% the same in every aspect. We started making out an all this good stuff and spent a few days together and had a really good time. And because everything went suprisingly well, we agreed to take our time with this and just give it a shot.

On my way home earlier, I started thinking about what happend during the last few days. I really enjoyed everything (as did she) and I have a good feeling about this and I should be the happiest guy arround... ...but I'm not! I feel terrible and I can not put my finger on in what could be the cause.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you every experienced something like this before? Or is there something seriously wrong with me?!
Post edited July 06, 2013 by ThermioN
Posted July 06, 2013
maybe you just dont have strong feelings for her.

It could be that although you enjoy each others company that you would rather remain as good friends than develope the relationship further.
Posted July 06, 2013
It might be a defensive mechanism. You are worried that you'll get hurt if she leaves you

Or it might be that you genuinely don't have any romantic feelings for her. How do you feel when you think about her? Any butterflies in the stomach?
Posted July 06, 2013
Ask if she's into threesomes.
Posted July 06, 2013
I don't know much about your relationship history; maybe you have unresolved issues with a past significant other or are carrying around baggage from being hurt before.

Also, it seems logical we want things to just go perfectly well (like you've described) but often times some turbulence is a good thing because it reaffirms the relationship and allows you to understand the other person. If this girl is 100% compatible that does sound too good to be true, are you sure she's being genuine with you? Maybe try to dig deeper and understand her better. It's easy to shrug and say "after a few days we totally agree on everything" but I can say after 9 years I still don't understand my wife and her opinions with that amount of clarity so it seems like you might have an unrealistic outlook on the relationship.
Posted July 06, 2013
If it is too good to be true...
Posted July 06, 2013
Phew. I sincerely feared that the end of the story will be "and then I killed her".

on a more serious note: maybe you're taking things too fast. You are afraid (and it's a possibility) that this is going to burn out fast.
Post edited July 06, 2013 by keeveek
Posted July 06, 2013
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AFnord: It might be a defensive mechanism. You are worried that you'll get hurt if she leaves you

Or it might be that you genuinely don't have any romantic feelings for her. How do you feel when you think about her? Any butterflies in the stomach?
There's more than just butterflies when thinking about her.
I'm positive that I have romatic feelings for her. Even more so because this is something she never got the chance to experience in any of her previous relations, and seeing her enjoy all these things so much and giving so much back is a pretty overwhelming feeling.

About being defensive: Yes, I guess I'm a little bit. But then again, I don't think there's any reason for these feelings at this time.
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scampywiak: Ask if she's into threesomes.
I did ;)
She's not, neither am I
Post edited July 06, 2013 by ThermioN
Posted July 06, 2013
A couple of things spring to mind here;

1) Finding a compatible person can be truly terrifying!
2) You might be used to basing your relationships on physical connection - not compatibility - so this feels "off" and not as exciting.
3) A truly strong, compatible relationship does not have the super strong emotional highs but then again it also doesn't have the super strong emotional lows either ;-)
4) Allow yourself to accept that you might have to change your "normal" response to something new and probably better.

Hope that makes sense and that you give yourself time to adjust and that everything works out ;-)
Posted July 06, 2013
I discovered I couldn't do casual stuff. There's nothing wrong with that, even though TV and social circles try telling you that you have to enjoy slutting things up.

It could also be fear of rejection, as said above, if you really are into her.
Posted July 06, 2013
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Momo1991: A couple of things spring to mind here;

1) Finding a compatible person can be truly terrifying!
2) You might be used to basing your relationships on physical connection - not compatibility - so this feels "off" and not as exciting.
3) A truly strong, compatible relationship does not have the super strong emotional highs but then again it also doesn't have the super strong emotional lows either ;-)
4) Allow yourself to accept that you might have to change your "normal" response to something new and probably better.

Hope that makes sense and that you give yourself time to adjust and that everything works out ;-)
There may be some truth in your words. Definitely worth thinking about.
Thanks a lot!
Posted July 06, 2013
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ThermioN: There's more than just butterflies when thinking about her.
I'm positive that I have romatic feelings for her. Even more so because this is something she never got the chance to experience in any of her previous relations, and seeing her enjoy all these things so much and giving so much back is a pretty overwhelming feeling.
Wrong feelings that last part. Good of course, and understandable that it makes you feel good that you are capable of making someone feel good in that sense with how you are treating her. But this is about you, and how you feel about her, not about how good it probably makes you feel that you can make her feel that.

I put that into words badly but hopefully you get the point.
Post edited July 06, 2013 by Pheace
Posted July 06, 2013
avatar
ThermioN: I don't know why I'm sharing this with you guys.... ...maybe it's due to the lack of sleep during the last 48 hours or so.

The thing is, I met this girl a couple of days ago, we talked a litte... ...for like eight hours straight and had a good time. So I thought to myself: Wow, what a nice girl. Two days ago she called me at one o'clock in the morning, asking me to come over to her place. We spent the night watching movies and had a long conversation about our views on life itself and relationships. The more time we spent together talking about these things, the more obvious it became that our opinions were almost 100% the same in every aspect. We started making out an all this good stuff and spent a few days together and had a really good time. And because everything went suprisingly well, we agreed to take our time with this and just give it a shot.

On my way home earlier, I started thinking about what happend during the last few days. I really enjoyed everything (as did she) and I have a good feeling about this and I should be the happiest guy arround... ...but I'm not! I feel terrible and I can not put my finger on in what could be the cause.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you every experienced something like this before? Or is there something seriously wrong with me?!
Hmm, wait, I saw this movie. You met in Austria. You've only had a short time together. Is she French?

Tell her you'll meet her again in 6 months and see if she shows up. Regardless, make sure and write a book about your experience together if you really want to see her again.

Whatever you do, don't watch the third movie. You'll never look at her the same way.


On a more serious note, I don't know how old you are, but you can develop a certain amount of cynicism regarding relationships as you grow older, some of it conscious, some subconscious. As someone else said, sometimes it's too good to be true, then again, sometimes it just *feels* too good to be true.
Posted July 06, 2013
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keeveek: Phew. I sincerely feared that the end of the story will be "and then I killed her".

on a more serious note: maybe you're taking things too fast. You are afraid (and it's a possibility) that this is going to burn out fast.
We also talked about this today and agreed on taking things slow.
But then again... ...don't talk it, walk it.
Posted July 06, 2013
Well, first of all, don't approach it as "something wrong with you." No need to put yourself down.

Just take a bit of time to think about it, and think about it from your "soul" and not from the dictates of society and what you should or shouldn't do.

Ask yourself what you really feel about it, and what you would want from the interaction. Maybe you're not in a place where you want to "be" with someone? Don't do it just because you think you "should" - "Well, we had a good time; now I have to put pressure on myself and be totally into it and that's that."
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General discussion (archive)What the hell is wrong with me...(32 posts)(32 posts)
(32 posts)