It has been brought to my attention we don't have as much trolling here as certain mainstream forums and as such the community is not varied enough.
The point of this thread is to refute that. Now the rules are simple. It must be an obvious troll (but subtle is always better). Given the community here thosugh whatever said must be as polite as possible...
;)

Dear Sir / Madam / Hermaphrodite
It has come to my attention that users of the Apple Macintosh brand of computers are invariably focussed on appearances over functionality and harbour a fallacious belief that the inflated price is indicative of proportionally inflated quality.
This combined with the cult-like group mentality adheres them to the company product line and induces purchase of goods that are obtained as much for the percieved status of ownership as for the advertised function.
It is my considered opinion that this is a negative situation
Yours sincerely
Aliasalpha
Impolite translation: Mac users are superficial twats with more money than brains

We should make use of the monocle emoticon frequently in here.

Could you give us an example of said emoticon?

°-}

You put words in my mouth...You bastard. °-}

Just use this

I'd rather not. Looks like something Tim Burton would create.

To whomever it may concern,
I am a Steam user, and I would like to know why I have to go through a whole bunch of authentication procedures before I can play my offline game. I would like to bring your attention to another digital distribution service known as GOG.com. Said service does not have all of these problems plaguing Steam users. I hereby raise the question: why? To the casual user, it may seem innocent enough, as just a means of obtaining games cheaper than their usual market price, but with the advent of information technology, users have become more aware of the cyber realm. Do not attempt to think that we, the consumers, are all blind, as was 10 years ago.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerest, kindest regards,
A consumer.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Oh... sorry.

I have both, actually, and your jealousy sustains me. How's not having a job working out for you? °-}

DRM FTW!

I've been trying to start some flame wars recently but the rest of you are all just too damn tranquil.

The more you know...