toxicTom: No boys allowed, now how about men that feel like girls sometimes? ;-)...
Men who feel like girls sometimes is a tough one. Which do you fell like the most? Which ever that is, then there is your answer :-). Thank you for contributing to the discussion, I don't know how interesting it has been to others, but I have enjoyed seeing the more hard core gamer side to us gamer girls than just the expectation that we are just casual gamers.
I can relate to your wife about having to play as men in RPG's. With other kind of games it's not such a problem, it doesn't really spoil the enjoyment playing a man. Take FPS games, I can play Duke Nukem 3D and enjoy it completely, it never really bothers me that I'm playing one of the manliest men in gaming. Even games like commandos where you play mainly men, I don't really mind because I think of them as my team, not "oh no, not another male character". I do love controling lovely French agent the most, but mainly because I like playing the sniper role and she is one of the two characters on Commando's 2 who can use the sniper rifle.
RPG's are a little different, especially if there is a lot of character building interactions. The female characters also seem to be limited in what they can do in RPGs. Take Diablo 2 that I mentioned earlier in the thread. I prefer to play as the Barbarian or the Paladin, I enjoy beating the hell out of my enemy, get up close and personal and bash the living crap out of the demonic forces with my sword, axe, club or mace, hear them squeal in pain as I slay them and scream for more blood...BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! Sorry about that, got a little carried away :-D. As there is not a lot of character development in Diablo 2, it's not really and issue, but I would have preferred to play a female character who could also use hand to hand weapons for some good pummelling.
It's much worse when the game allows character development, where you make decisions that effect the story. The whole point of a roleplaying game is that I become engrossed in the story, that I picture myself as the valiant hero. It's a bit had to do that when you're stuck playing a man all the time, or even worse, a female character who is trapped in a story full of somewhat repetitive clichés.
The part you mention about being able to play female character with the same (or comparable) options as a male is something I would love. Take my Diablo 2 example, I would love there to be a warrior maiden or a Valkyrie type warrior who is the female white knight. She can handle some magic but also swords, axes, and other hand weapons. Just like the Paladin, but more kick arse :-).