I'm In for Evil Genius. :)


"Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.."

Horse walks in to a bar,
bartender says "Why the long face?"

NOT in but y'all have a great day! ;-)
And a +1 to you.

That video guy actually told some jokes that are very good.

In for Evil Genius. Thanks for the chance.

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

In for Megarace 1+2

A chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Microsoft repair specialist are carpooling downtown to their respective jobs. Suddenly the car loses power and they pull off to the side of the road.

The chemical engineer pipes up, "Let me check of the fuel emulsified and clogged up the fuel lines somewhere."
The electrical engineer says, "I'll check the electrical connections, I have a multimeter right here."
The Microsoft specialist says. "Hold on. First things first. Let's roll the windows up. Get out of the car. Get back in. Open the windows back up, and see if it starts."

The wife's Mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave." I said: "Good, I'm being buried at sea."

- Les Dawson

Not in, but cheers!

Democracy

In for Edna and Harvey:

In the spirit of the game.....

Two nuns walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Thank you, I'll be here all night! ;)

Not in, but thanks for the giveaway~! +1

Thanks for the giveaway. +1

In for Edna & Harvey: Harvey's New Eyes

[!] The following joke isn't for anyone who is easily offended [!]

3 men are lost in the desert, hungry and dying of thirst when they come upon a shack in the middle of nowhere. They knock on the door and hear an old woman's voice say "Come in, come in." from inside the house.

The men enter, looking around they can see that as if by magic the house is stocked with fresh fruits, vegetables, and large locked containers of water.

"May we please have some water? We're dying of thirst!" Yells one of the men, "Come up here and let me see you first" says the old woman from upstairs.

The men look at eachother and run up the stairway into the bedroom, to set eyes on the crustiest, wartiest, unbathed, stinky, nasty, diseased looking old hag they have ever seen.

"You can have all the water you want" She says, grinning through her rotten brown teeth... "But you must have sex with me first." She cackles licking her lips.

"Oh my gawd. NO! I'm not THAT thirsty!" Yells the first man as he runs down the stairs and out of the house.

"I'm with him, HELL NO!" Yells the second man, running down the stairs and out of the house.

"(sigh) I'll do it" Says the last man. "But...I'm shy, please turn around, I don't want you to see my penis."

"Alright..." Says the old lady, as she turns and leans over the bed and spreads herself for him, wiggling her bum in anticipation.

The man cringes and holds his breath, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of corn that he picked up downstairs...

He works on her until his arm is tired and throws the corn out the window...

The old hag says, "That was wonderful, it's been so long since I've had visitors, I will give you enough for your friends if you do it twice more".

The man goes at her twice more, and the woman sends him on his way with 3 jugs of water.

Walking outside he sees his friends...

"Hey, I got enough water for all of us." He says.

"Forget the water." His friends say with their mouths full. "While you were gone we shared a delicious piece of buttered corn, sorry we ate it all, but you can have that cucumber or banana."

I'm in for Edna & Harvey: Harvey's New Eyes.

What did the Lion King tell Simba when he was walking too slow?
Mufasa!

What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

Why should you not write with a dull pencil?
Because it's pointless.

How do you catch a bra?
With a booby trap!

Thanks for the giveaway.

Not in, just wanted to +1 you for doing a give away and read through these :)

this is a bit crap and long winded but im gonna type it out anyway :P

Englishman, Irishman and a Scottishman all on the final day of selection for the SAS.

The sergeant has them all lined up outside a shack and says:
"right lads, this is your final test, you pass this and your in! , I want you to go into that shack and kill everyone in the room with this gun" *sergent holds up a p99*

So the Englishman psychs himself up and goes in first gun in hand and inside the room his wife and kids are all tied to chairs blindfolded.

He runs over to them and unties them and walks out of the back door with them failing selection and leaving with his family.

Now its the scottishmans turn, he walks in, he's in there for a minute then comes out tears streaming down his face "I cannae duu it sarge"

The Sargent says "don't worry its the toughest test for any armed forces selection in the world, take your family and off you go, try for the paras"

So the time comes for the Irishman to go in, the men smuggle his family in through the back door of the shack and they are all tied up in time. Irishman walks in and closes the door behind him.

Outside the sergeant hears *BANG BANG BANG PYOYOYOYNG BANG BANGBANGBANG clickclickclick* "*crying*AAARGGGH NOOOO" *THUD SMASH THWACK BOSH THUD DOINK*

The Irishman walks out of the shack with blood on his hands and a broken gun and the sergent says:
"What the hell happened"
and he replies
"well the gun had blanks in it so I had to beat them to death with it"

In for Megarace! :) Here it comes:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now :)

Cheers!

Not in but +1

I made this up, so you won't find it anywhere else:

What do you get if you have a naked north american mammal holding four fruits of the same kind?

A bare bears pair of pears.

To date, only my brother and I find this funny....

How do you organize a space party?


You planet.