My ex (being the bitch she was) stayed sometimes in my room feeding off my WiFi when I was doing my thesis, and read my Nintendo Power magazines upside down and shuffled my Jump Manga (you can't JUST shuffle my JoJo manga out of the canon timeline order) and still somehow questioned my intelligence.

Truly an EVIL BITCH.

So this one time, I'm in the hospital recovering from surgery. They have me on painkillers, but are concerned by the fact that they are resulting in chronic constipation. I heard one of the doctors proposing giving me a laxative, which startled me out of the drug addled daze I had been stuck in. I bolted upright in my hospital bed and started trying to speak.

"No! No laxatives! "

"Sir, we need to do something -"

"No, listen! I can't take laxatives! "

"Don't worry, I'm sure we can find one you aren't allergic -"

"I'm not allergic!"

"Then what's the problem? "

"If I take a laxative, I will waste away into nothing and die!"

"What? Why?!"

"I'm a lawyer! "

A sad current of events, those kinds of drivers are all around this world, but some are to meant to already go crazy, like those from Indonesia

Sorry I can not resist:

Since when do you have cars? You as a state of decendents of murderes and alike ;) You shall be still using horses and alike ;)

And if you think that is only the Aussies ;) you are absolutly wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's see I have driven in: (from worst to best)
France
Italy
Spain
USA
UK
Netherlands
Belgium
Portugal
Germany
Eire
Luxembourgh
and No. 1 place for me
Tunesia

Why Tunesia first: quite easy, I find it relaxing, You use eye contact to establish who goes first, but that is DEFINITE
Most drivers respect the others and even make space, even if it means MAKING space!!! Main rule: KEEP F*cking MOVING and don't insist on your right as it might slow everyone down......and no stupid shouting as you mentioned.....as they like to say: Inshallah, as god will ;)
You can drive quickly and its ok (ok, unless police stops you ;) ) or you can just cruise, as long as you make space. You just have to be aware of the local quirks ;) Muli-driven vehicles, light not working all way in the night and similar ;)
And I only counted countries, where I drove more than 3 days ;)

DRM

Well we still have cars in Australia, but for how long i don't know?

Us motorists here in Australia, we seem to annoy the RTA (roads and traffic authority) just by the fact that we exist, and i get the distinct impression they would be much happier if there were no vehicles on the roads at all!

As for the worst and best places i have driven, well, withing Australia the worst place to drive that i found was Parramatta in Sydney, mainly because of the horrifically idiotic design of the place. But the place with the worst drivers is easily Cabramatta, also in Sydney. Now i am not racist, but i have to say, from my experience, Asians just don't know how to drive.... i wonder were they thinking of Asian drivers back when they made the squinty eyes of cartoon Character Mr Magoo, because fxxk me, they really do drive around with their eyes shut!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: Oh and the best place to drive i found was New Zealand..... and i know this may be hard to believe, but in New Zealand when you catch up to a slow driver, they show you consideration and speed up a bit...... Land of miracles!!!

Where you mention this: I was working and living in Japan, I was wondering why all the cars had those flags in front of their cars, you know like on the official state cars, those flying little flags? Even showing the Japanese flag.

So one day, I asked my Japanese collegue, rather toll for a japanese guy (coming from the mountains), and he said: That's because of those little bastards, they need them, as they are too short too recognise the length of their own car.......

I was only ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, it is not their eyes, it is their shortage of .......whatever....... ;)

This joke isn't good at all, but I like the joke.

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

:'-D

Name That Christmas Carol

Clues:
1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

ok here's one:
Married couple after the sex,the man aks-Please tell me the truth my love,this time during our intercourse,have you faked or pretended at all?It's really important
To which the woman answers with a smile -Of course not darling,this time i REALLY fell asleep

These are great.

A soldier goes to his officer to complain that the food is full of sand.
The officer says: Stop complaining, we're here to protect the land of our fathers.
And the soldier answers: I agree to protect it, I just don't want to eat it.

2 Swedes go to Oslo and after some time end up losing all their money. After running out of ideas they decide that the only option left is to beg for some. They separate and meet after one hour and ask each other how much they collected. The first one says.
_I didn't get much.
_Why what did you tell everyone?
_I said I was collecting money for food and medicine for my wife and kid. All I got is a few krones.
_Not to worry, I got tons of money; enough for both of us.
_What??? What did you tell them.
_All I said was that I was collecting money for a ticket to go back to Sweden.

Why are bio-labs substituting rats with lawyers for lab tests?

Three reasons:
1. There are more lawers then rats.
2. When rats die many lab techies feel bad for them.
3. There are some things a rat will not do.