Once, I was an adventurer just like you, but then, I took an arrow in the knee!

My favorite yo momma joke:
Yo mamma so fat she drives a spandex car!

A very rich guy comes into a restaurant. He calls the waitress and says:
"Fetch me the best steak for 1000$!"
He gets the stake, eats it. Calls the waitress and says:
"Fetch me the best bottle of rum for 1000$!"
He gets his rum, drinks it bottoms-up and crashes (falls asleep at the table). In the meantime a couple, recently married, comes into the same restaurant. They call a waitress and says:
"We would like to order a roast pig with raisins on the eyes, an apple in the mouth, body lightly covered by lime juice... Oh, and don't forget to put some butter inside the anus"
The drunk rich guy suddenly wakes up and shouts:
"YEAH! I want some butter too...in the ass...for 1000$!"

An Irishman at the airline office in Moscow:

- Two tickets to Dublin
- Kuda, blin?
- Tuda, blin!

"to Dublin" sounds like "to there, ya fuck!"
To which the ticket seller responds, "To where, ya fuck?"
"To there, ya fuck!"

...more like "damn". blin is a minced oath (of 'blad').

I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would bother me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals...

Hahaha!

(Disclamer: jokes for geeks)

Recently someone spoke about the "right of being forgotten" and want to force google to remove old links from indexing. This proves how NoSql database are advanced, as they have this feature built-in.

Failed parity check... the byte sighs and says "I am feeling a bit off"...

What is black, white and red and cannot turn around in a narrow space?

A nun with a javelin through the eye.

What should I tell it?

You can't post links because your Rep is too low. Itwas introduced to prevent spammers to post ads.

What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
(A har-vest!)

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
(Their age!)

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
(Pumpkin pi!)

What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
(The letter "g"!)
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
(They suspected it of fowl play!)

Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
(The outside!)

Why do turkeys lay eggs?
(If they dropped them, they'd break!)

What's the most musical part of a turkey?
(The drumstick!)

If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?
(A poul-tree!)

Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
Mum: NO! You'll have turkey like everyone else.

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
(He got the stuffing knocked out of him!)
Why did the turkey cross the road?
(It was the chicken's day off!)

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
(It was stuck on the turkey's foot!)

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
(To prove he wasn't chicken!)

What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
(An eggroll!)

Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
(Exactly where you left it!)

What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
(Foul weather!)