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General discussion (archive)Tell A Joke(138 posts)(138 posts)
(138 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted December 10, 2014
high rated
Infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar and start ordering drinks. The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."
Posted December 10, 2014
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Posted December 11, 2014
The movie Lion King tought me to run away from my problems until I'm strong enough to kill my uncle.

Irony can be best defined by 15 year old mothers with protection hulls for their IPhones.

The son came home from school and told his father that he has to write an essay about "Theory and Practice" and he has no idea what that means. His father told him to go to his mother and tell her that the neighbor wants to sleep with her and offers to pay $500.000 for that. The son went to his mother and told her that. The mother said: "For such an amount of money I'll do it". The son went back to his father and said that he told it to his mother and she agreed to do that but he still don't understand what that has to do with theory and practice. Then the father told his son to go to his sister and tell her the same. The son went to his sister and told her the same. He went back to his father and told him that she agreed too but he is still curious what that has to do with theory and practice. Then his father told him: "Theoretically we are millionaires, practically we have two prostitutes at home."
Post edited December 11, 2014 by Silverhawk170485
Posted December 11, 2014
A living human has walked upon the moon surface! Har har har! (as if...)
Post edited December 11, 2014 by KiNgBrAdLeY7
Posted December 12, 2014
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Silverhawk170485: The movie Lion King tought me to run away from my problems until I'm strong enough to kill my uncle.

Irony can be best defined by 15 year old mothers with protection hulls for their IPhones.

The son came home from school and told his father that he has to write an essay about "Theory and Practice" and he has no idea what that means. His father told him to go to his mother and tell her that the neighbor wants to sleep with her and offers to pay $500.000 for that. The son went to his mother and told her that. The mother said: "For such an amount of money I'll do it". The son went back to his father and said that he told it to his mother and she agreed to do that but he still don't understand what that has to do with theory and practice. Then the father told his son to go to his sister and tell her the same. The son went to his sister and told her the same. He went back to his father and told him that she agreed too but he is still curious what that has to do with theory and practice. Then his father told him: "Theoretically we are millionaires, practically we have two prostitutes at home."
German Humour eh? LOL
Posted December 12, 2014
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Cavenagh: German Humour eh? LOL
Not especially German Humor. It's some kind of nasty humor. ;)
Posted December 12, 2014
Without water, there is no life.
Because if there is no water, there is no coffe.
And if there is no coffe... I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!
Posted December 12, 2014
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huN73R: Infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar and start ordering drinks. The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."
I love it.
Posted December 12, 2014
A Russian went to an eye doctor.
The doctor pointed on a board with the random letters:
X U I A L T O G L A K O W
Then the doctor asked: "Can you read this?"
The patient answered: "Sure. I know this guy."

Russian language is that what is left after a finished Scrabble game.

I pushed against a door.
Someone shouted: "You have to pull."
I shouted back: "Thanks! My next option was breaching."

I parked on a parkingspace for disabled people. While I closed my car a women yelled at me: "What kind of disability do you have?". I yelled back: " Tourette, bitch!"
Post edited December 12, 2014 by Silverhawk170485
Posted December 23, 2014
Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Posted December 23, 2014
On the good ship Venus,OOPS can't print that one here..

Ahh let me think for a seco

I got it.....A horse walked up to the bar to order a drink.
The barman asked the horse why the long face???

I know pretty lame,but at least it's clean...
Posted December 23, 2014
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ZFR: An Englishman is applying for a residence visa in the Australian embassy. He's asked some questions...
_Do you have any criminal record, sir?
_What? I had no idea that is still a requirement.

-------------------------------------------------

What does the Australian do after watching his team beat England in a cricket game?
Switches off his playstation and goes to bed.
You Irish people are so funny hahahahahahahahaha...


Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"
Post edited December 23, 2014 by gunsynd
Posted December 23, 2014
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Sir.Braka: Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
I heard this joke before but it never made sense to me. If you want to wipe your ass you'd need something to which shit does stick, not the other way round.
Posted December 23, 2014
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ZFR: I heard this joke before but it never made sense to me. If you want to wipe your ass you'd need something to which shit does stick, not the other way round.
As the Joker says: "explaining the joke kills the joke."

But here it is: the sentence "have problems with shit sticking" for the rabbit mean "does your fur get dirty when you take a dump", instead the bear meant "do you mind having shit on your fur"
Post edited December 23, 2014 by etb
Posted December 23, 2014
And then the penguin said, "No soap, radio!" Hahahahah!
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This is my favourite topic
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General discussion (archive)Tell A Joke(138 posts)(138 posts)
(138 posts)